How do you feel when someone just wants to have fun with you even though you're feeling blue? To me, it just feels like such a slap in the face.. But I probably shouldn't be angry with such people - they can decide for themselves what they want, right?

I feel I've been so b*chy to people who haven't wanted to hear me out when I've needed to talk about my sorrow.. But I guess it's up to me to find the people who do want to listen? I guess the mistake I've made is think these people who only want what they want from me are my friends.. I don't think it's a friend who doesn't want to know you..

How do you feel about such issues? Have you come across similar clashes in your own relationships? I guess I'm waking up to the fact that I've been in relationships with unavailable people, wishing those relationships could be something they weren't and won't ever be unless those people decide they want something more.. I feel lonely realising this..

You're not alone. I never really had a "best" friend in life until my boyfriend and I started dating. I consider him my first "best" friend, defined as an individual outside of my family who genuinely wants to get to know me and support me to a deep level. I have a few close friends that I'd consider "good" girl friends I hang out with and talk to regularly and have fun with, but they're proven time and again that they're not always there for me when I need them. It makes me feel unappreciated, because I know that whenever they needed me I was there for them...

[~Christina]

Its a tough situation but I will tell you what I have learned from life thus far on the topic...

There is only one person in my life that I Choose to be 100% up front and honest and willing to share every thought , mood or problem with .. My Therapist.

My Husband is my best friend but.......

I have Bipolar, He is the "fixer" kind of guy so if I were to tell him of every problem I have with my mood going this way or that way ,, he will drive himself looney trying to find a way to "fix it" He can't fix me, When I am really in a bad place I give him a heads up and either ask him for what I need or just so he is aware and can jump in if I am heading down a road and have lost my grip on what is really going on.

I have a couple Bipolar people I can share damn near anything with because they will " get it" We talk about all kinds of things not just BP stuff but daily life.

I have a few friends that I have known nearly all my life , but we had busy lives and we re connect here and there, of course its more often now thanks to that nifty invention called "Facebook"

If you have friends that can't see that your in a struggle and at least offer a hug or a shoulder or something that will let you know they are there for you if you need them , well then I would call that a "fair weather friend" and decide if they really need to be in my life. I currently have a "surface friend" My husband and I usually go out for dinner a couple times a month with her and her husband,, It's nice, But she isn't someone that is going to really know me and how I think past a friendly manner. I just know that she isn't going to be someone I can depend on and her and I actually have very little in common to be honest, But its nice to just go out to dinner with them here and there.

Birds of a feather flock together??? well it really is true.. I have many friends that struggle with a mental illness as I do and I know I can lean on them when I need too and they lean on me.

Can you / are you seeing a Therapist? Being in Therapy has taught me how to manage my life and determine how to accept people in my life and on what level and if I should keep them in my life at all. Maybe there is some group meetings in your area where you can talk to others that are going through probably some of the same problems as you and it is nice to know your not alone. Here on PC is really a great way to find advice and make some friends that will be a person that will listen as they have needed someone to do the same for them.

[hvert]

I actually find that I prefer to vent on here than with my friends. I don't want to burden my friends with my problems and at this point, I'd kind of rather that my friends did the same thing, more or less.

For me, it's kind of like there are acute problems and chronic problems. In the past, I have made the mistake of complaining about 'chronic' problems, like a job I hated for years on end, and kind of driven people away. I've had people do it to me, too. Some things don't actually get better when we talk about them. Talking about a miserable job just makes me more miserable, for instance... and then it tends to bring down the person I'm talking to, and they may avoid me in the future because of that.

When you say that these people just want to have fun, are they trying to cheer you up or do they just not care? That would make a difference to me.

[Nina Simone]

I find myself in the exact same situation. I've begun to really look at the people I consider friends. I think Christina has given really great advice and I intend to follow it! Someone once told me to think of the people in my life as being on a court. Some are outer court. These are the people you see casually, chat with but don't discuss the personal details of your life. Others are inner court. You spend time in each others home and generally know what's going on in each others lives. Then you have those that are behind the veil. These are the people you can tell things you would only tell to God. There should only be 1 or 2 people behind the veil.

In my situation people are not as supportive as I need them to be but I'm not ready to say they're not my friends. I've just given them a position in my life they are not deserving of. We could just be girlfriends and not the close knit friends I want and need them to be. I have to figure it out.

[sociallydiseased]

The problem lies in the fact that most people don't know how to deal with depression or depressed people since they've never really had to deal with it personally. They might:

1)think that they are helping you get out of your "funk".

2)think that you aren't really as sad as you are. They can't comprehend true depression (most of the time).

3)just be completely oblivious to how you are actually feeling.

Just something to keep in mind. Hope you can find something in your life that brings you peace and a content heart.

[Fuzzybear]