[Ashes87]

Hey Everyone, so let me give a bit of a quick rundown here. 1 Month ago my fiances mother moved into our home. Ever since, my fiance has been showering A LOT, and grooming himself. That is just for starters..I thought he was cheating but he is always home right after work. He always takes his mothers side over EVERY single thing...he never helps me around the house, but as soon as she calls his name for something he does it at the drop of a dime...always! She will have him take out her trash and various other crap...

He has not been paying attention to me. Well, he gets home at around 1 AM every morning after work...I have been up for the past couple of nights to make him dinner when he gets home. And when he gets home and sees me up, he is like why arent you asleep yet? Why are you always up when I get home? You need to go to sleep...it has been like this.

Well, I was talking to his mother today and she mentioned that he was wanting to sleep in the bed with her, but they were afraid I would find this weird....Well now I do..when she mentioned that I just started having flashes of why he was showering all the time, and taking care of himself, and why he treats her like a Queen and me like crap, and why he sides with her over everything. It like hit me like a pile of bricks.

Am I insane? Or is he sneaking up there while I am asleep and doing things? Why would she say that? Why all of a sudden is he acting this way...I feel in my gut something is wrong...Should I stay up late and act like I am asleep and sneak and see if he is up there and what they are doing?

And then yesterday, they were wrestling and playing around in the living room. She can wake him up and he be happy, if I wake him up he snaps at me...she kisses him on the forehead and everything.

Someone help!!! Thanks

[Keyslost]

I don't mean to stir the pot here but it's possible she's messing with you if she doesn't like you? A lot of what you described almost sounds like he needs her approval almost to an unhealthy amount. There may be something really weird going on there or maybe not. Have you spoken to him about this? Have you considered counseling? It's up to you if you want to sneak up on them. Prepare yourself for if they catch you. They'll prob be angry and you may see something you don't want to. In the end I think your safest option is talking. If things get weird or bad come see us again Sorry I can't help more this is a very unique circumstance that Ive ever heard of.

[~Christina]

I would get the hell outta the entire mess..

Him even mentioning that he wanting to sleep in her bed? ( ack ack ack) Yeah when your 5... sleep with your parent, I am assuming hes a legal adult? That is just plain creepy.

Why did she move in with you to begin with ?

I would cut and run, sorry .. I just can't imagine staying in a situation that is prompting all your red alerts to go off the chart.

[Hexagram]

As a concerned stranger, I should warn you that if you do not break off this engagement, you are in danger of appearing on the Dr. Phil Show with your husband and his mom.

[hvert]

Even if he isn't sleeping with her, all this other stuff is bad enough that it warrants a serious conversation about when she's moving out and why he treats you so badly and her so well.

[divine1966]

That's creepy. To say the least

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[Nitra]

I agree with Christina. God for bid you marry him and then have children, you're going to wish five years from now that you ran away and never looked back. Even if he isn't sleeping with his mom, I do agree that there is some sickness going on there. I also think Keylost is right that you're getting your head messed with not only by his mom, but by him too. They see what they are doing is bothering you a lot and some people mess with other peoples heads just for the thrill of it. That might be what your fiance is like, full of drama and mind games just for the fun of it and he probably gets that from his mom. They get a kick out of upsetting people and even if you're not saying anything, they can tell that they you are getting to you good. You are giving them exactly what they want by being upset and bothered. Don't let them play you so easily by giving them the reaction that they want. But in the meantime, I would be making an exit plan, please get out now or you are going to regret it in the future. These are not nice or healthy people. We don't really truly know our significant others until stuff like this pops up.

[ChipperMonkey]

I say get out now.

Best case scenario, he is unable to cut those apron strings and be a real man who doesn't run to mommy at the drop of a hat. (Even this is enough to RUN from.)

Worst case scenario, its incestuous.

Either way, get out now. Your future mommy in law has no boundaries. You'd have to watch her like a HAWK around her kids to make sure she wasn't.....yeah, bad thoughts that shouldn't be in your head. Get. Out. Now.

[lizardlady]

Ashes87, I can't tell from what you posted if your fiance is sleeping with his mother or not, but the whole situation gave me a major case of the willies.

A grown man who wants to sleep in the same bed with his mommy?!?! Eeeeeew!

I believe if you stay with this guy you are in for some major problems in the future if his behavior continues. He is always going to put his mommy ahead of you.

I'm with some of the others - get out NOW! Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Just get the heck out.

[toolman65]

While it may not be physical incest (yet) , it absolutely is emotional incest.

Until you have proof (e.g. Video) they will discount and deny your feelings.

You should leave and leave now. Forget any feelings of guilt, as he has already left the relationship with you.

They may do anything to protect their secret, so be careful.

[Open Eyes]

You are dealing with a "I need my mommy to help me with my life" and a mother who is "My purpose in life is to be his mommy" and there is not going to be any room for you in that picture, which is what they are saying by their behaviors. They have become each others "significant other" and you can't "change" that, they are not even interested in you changing that either.

You don't even need to know if there is "intimacy" involved, what you have seen already is enough to let you know it's unhealthy and you should step away from this "dyfunction" completely.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by Ashes87

Hey Everyone, so let me give a bit of a quick rundown here. 1 Month ago my fiances mother moved into our home. Ever since, my fiance has been showering A LOT, and grooming himself. That is just for starters..I thought he was cheating but he is always home right after work. He always takes his mothers side over EVERY single thing...he never helps me around the house, but as soon as she calls his name for something he does it at the drop of a dime...always! She will have him take out her trash and various other crap...

He has not been paying attention to me. Well, he gets home at around 1 AM every morning after work...I have been up for the past couple of nights to make him dinner when he gets home. And when he gets home and sees me up, he is like why arent you asleep yet? Why are you always up when I get home? You need to go to sleep...it has been like this.

Well, I was talking to his mother today and she mentioned that he was wanting to sleep in the bed with her, but they were afraid I would find this weird....Well now I do..when she mentioned that I just started having flashes of why he was showering all the time, and taking care of himself, and why he treats her like a Queen and me like crap, and why he sides with her over everything. It like hit me like a pile of bricks.

Am I insane? Or is he sneaking up there while I am asleep and doing things? Why would she say that? Why all of a sudden is he acting this way...I feel in my gut something is wrong...Should I stay up late and act like I am asleep and sneak and see if he is up there and what they are doing?

And then yesterday, they were wrestling and playing around in the living room. She can wake him up and he be happy, if I wake him up he snaps at me...she kisses him on the forehead and everything.

Someone help!!! Thanks

Umm without even knowing for sure whether he is doing it or not, the whole situation is one that you should probably get out of. Alone, just the idea taht he's obviously a mama's boy presents you with a situation that is going to be an ongoing problem anyway. On top of that the way he treats you is wrong, especially in light of how he treats his mother with more respect and attention than you.

Pile on top of that the fact that his mother would mention her adult son sleeping with her to you... and [that she is] actually unsure of whether that would be weird to you? Seriously anyone in their right mind KNOWS this is weird and the majority of fiancees woul find this to be the case. SMH. Get out of there. Fast. Don't even consider whether he IS doing it or not. This is a weird situation and just screams trouble.

*added note* even at best case like the earliler poster that mentioned maybe she's messing with you. Anyone who would go to that length to mess with their son's fiancee is really messed up. I highly doubt it is made up though.

[cpc86]

Nothing you have said suggests that there would be any romantic involvement between the two. I think you are allowing paranoia to get the best of you and the bias in your perspective is causing others to prematurely suggest that you break off your relationship and intended marriage. You have not provided enough information here in order to even speculate, let alone give you a definitive response.

I think that from what you are saying he is nothing but a momma's boy. Although it's possible that these could all be early signs of an incestuous relationship, it's far more likely that he just really appreciates his mother - a little too much maybe. Everything you have pointed out thus far (the showering more; taking care of himself; willingness to assist her) realistically is indicative of nothing but utter appreciation. If you were to drop the 'sleeping together' incident for a moment you would see that all of the supporting evidence fails to stand individually. He may just want to impress his mother and look on top of his game in order to prove to her what a great man she has raised.

That being said, there still could be some potential problems in your future judging by their relationship. He seems a little too concerned with making her happy and showing her appreciation. He is spending all his time and energy doing that and has accomplished this by spending less on you. Your the important one and you plan to marry him and you have to get him to acknowledge that if you do not want any future problems. Where is the husband/your father? If he is no longer with you that could be the potential cause of this problem. He may be trying to make up for him. The real problem however seems to be the mother if you ask me. While the fiance may just be naive and not attentive to this problem, the mother has lived long enough and experienced enough to recognize this type of situation. She most definitely has at least once in her life felt under cared for or unnoticed by a loved one and therefore I would say that this is purposeful. She may be acting in a passive aggressive manner and trying to fight over your fiance/her son's attention with you. She is obviously being selfish and the guy may not be aware. This holds true especially for 'mommas boys' as this is the result usually of a mother who cannot let her son go and therefore babies him his entire life. If her husband is out of the picture I'd day this is definitely what your seeing. In regards to the sleeping together thing, she is the one who told you about it not your fiance. What reason would she have to tell you that other than to make you worried and/or make you jealous. Most incestuous relationships are accompanied by guilt and shame and are hidden. This just doesn't seem like the logical conclusion to draw based on these facts. It is much much more likely that she just wanted to make you jealous and possibly uncomfortable and made a passive aggressive remark. Remember, this isn't your fiance telling you these things. You owe it to him to talk first before making a rash decision. There is a reason you must have wanted to marry him in the first place. I'm sure you can think back and notice some signs of him being willing to please his mother. What you won't remember is any other time you ever though there was an incestuous relationship occurring within your household. Please take the time to read what I said and give it some though