I don't know what else I can do

Long story short, I have 3 kids from my first marriage and am now married for the 3rd time. I have been through years of emotional and verbal abuse which has led to my having anxiety attacks and having to be on meds for GAD. my doctor is concerned about my heart due to family history but my husband doesnt seem to care and starts more arguments. I have been making a stand for myself and my kids, but he just gets worse.... I dont know what I can do anymore. It seems whatever I do, he requires more..... I am scared that one day, this is going to kill me.

Welcome to Psych Central (PC) Nya. Sorry you are experiencing abuse. No one should have to go through this. Have you talked to a therapist specializing in surviving abuse?

If you want to try lifestyle changes, I can talk about what I am going through as possible changes. For first aid, dealing with an emotional or mental fit, one thing I try is a breathing exercise to focus on breath instead of fighting with the thoughts.

Breathing exercise with natural breathing do not force.
If you are feeling very anxious or angry or just want to calm down, you can try a breathing exercise that takes the attention away from the trigger of anxiety to a simple tool of counting breaths.

Find a comfortable position seated or laying down. Begin to relax your breathing. Silently count 1 on the inhale, and two on the exhale. Then silently count 3 on the inhale and 4 on the exhale. Continue up to 10 or until you lose the count then return to one. No judgement. I sometimes end up at 18 then smile and return to 1. The idea is to focus on the breath and the counting and not get sucked into the anxiety or anger trigger. Also works to quiet the mind.

I have to watch what I eat because foods I eat can stabilize my moods or exaggerate them. For me protein is essential to mood stability. A high protein some naturally raise chicken or fish (mostly soy, yogurt, scrambled eggs (no flipping - i cut out some or all of yolk) low carb diet with snacks (roasted cashews, sauteed tofu) or meals every 3-4 hours will over time reduce my swings.

Other lifestyle changes that help me are doing yoga, exercises, mindfulness, calm music, and being active on Psych Central. These could raise your energy level but that may not be the problem. Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

Hello and welcome to Psych Central PsychoticWriter!!! It's nice to meet you. You have joined a community of warm and caring members who will want to offer you support and advice. Yours is welcome as well.

Please feel free to contact any community liaison or moderator if you need help navigating the forums. It will take some time for your first five posts to appear as they are being evaluated and then you will be able to join chats.

I'm sorry for your struggles. There are many here who will be able to relate from personal experience and offer you feedback. I'm sorry I don't have any experience with being married or children but I do wish you the best and I'm glad you've joined us.

I look forward to seeing you around!!!

Are you seeing a Therapist? If not one would probably help a great deal. He/she can help you learn ways to communicate with your husband on a healthier level. You would also be learning coping skills to better manage your anxiety.

Welcome to PC

..... that's really an understatement. I'm tired of the hypocrisy. One set of standards for him and a much higher set for me. All of his problems are "reasons" but mine are just excuses...... I truly don't understand how you can claim to love someone that your actions show they care more about themselves than anything .... And why do I feel stuck?

The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life and I believe it should be required reading for everyone on the planet. Can it kill you? YES. Every time you are under stress, the body releases cortisol. Cortisol damages the immune system. I have said it is a wonder I am not dead after 31 years of verbal abuse. I got a divorce.......so scary, but necessary.

You aren't "stuck" you just feel that way. Once you take action (read the books on verbal abuse), get into therapy by YOURSELF, etc......you will feel better. Inaction is a terrible feeling. One thing I stopped doing (I figured out the secret) was I stopped explaining myself; abusers are like emotional vampires and need their endless "fix." It is useless to respond to their insanity. As long as you are living like that, you will continue to suffer. Abusers RARELY change, unless they realize they have a problem and get into long term therapy...by themselves.