[Beth90]

Hi there, I'm not sure if I am allowed to ask about this, but I would love to hear other people's thoughts on it as I don't know if I am worrying about nothing. I also can't find anything about it online to see what others say about it. We have been together for 3 years and have recently discovered that he has a fetish for ' 'drunk girls'. There have been lots of times when he has wanted me to get drunk and I have to the point where he makes me drunk to the point where I can't remember, but most of the time he watched it online (nearly everyday) paying money for special sites.This came as such a shock. He didn't admit to it at first but I then saw on his computer how much it was happening. He then said he stopped but I cant believe he could just stop watching it straight away so quickly. Should I be worried. Selfishly I now panic whenever he goes out that he is going to get turned on by all the drunk girls around him and something is going to happen, especially if a drunk girl decides she wants to get with him. I don't know where this sort of thing comes from or if it's bad? I hate the idea that he prefers women when they are out of control and intoxicated. What does it mean? Is this a fetish that others have too? My gut instinct is that it's really not cool, but I don't know if that's just my ignorance.
I would really appreciate any advice or help. Thank you in advance.

[shortandcute]

Originally Posted by Beth90

Hi there, I'm not sure if I am allowed to ask about this, but I would love to hear other people's thoughts on it as I don't know if I am worrying about nothing. I also can't find anything about it online to see what others say about it. We have been together for 3 years and have recently discovered that he has a fetish for ' 'drunk girls'. There have been lots of times when he has wanted me to get drunk and I have to the point where he makes me drunk to the point where I can't remember, but most of the time he watched it online (nearly everyday) paying money for special sites.This came as such a shock. He didn't admit to it at first but I then saw on his computer how much it was happening. He then said he stopped but I cant believe he could just stop watching it straight away so quickly. Should I be worried. Selfishly I now panic whenever he goes out that he is going to get turned on by all the drunk girls around him and something is going to happen, especially if a drunk girl decides she wants to get with him. I don't know where this sort of thing comes from or if it's bad? I hate the idea that he prefers women when they are out of control and intoxicated. What does it mean? Is this a fetish that others have too? My gut instinct is that it's really not cool, but I don't know if that's just my ignorance.
I would really appreciate any advice or help. Thank you in advance.

I don't know but that sounds kinda creepy to me.

[shortandcute]

p.s. I just googled this online, and apparently, that is a big fetish for guys. There are websites dedicated to it. To me, that's a little scary. It seems to be too much of the
"rape culture.."

[Beth90]

Ok yeah that was my natural reaction. It's so difficult because I have been in love with this guy for 3 years and we are very happy if it weren't for that. Urgh i don't know what to do. I'd like to think he would never put it into practise outside of the relationship and without my permission. But now I'm
Starting to feel like I have to do it otherwise he'll go out and fulfil it somewhere else.

[divine1966]

Desire to be with women who aren't in total control of their mind and body is troubling. Too troubling. Especially since he tried to get you drunk. So it us not like he only watches it, he wants it in real life. I'd bail. Sorry I know it us not easy

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[WePow]

Relationships are the building blocks of our wholeness and health.
I would encourage you to have a frank chat with your BF about this topic. Find out what need or desire he is trying to meet through his obsession. It sounds like there may be something inside of his own being that is hurt and could use healing. If I were in your position the convo may include questions such as "When you are aroused by someone who is incapacitated, is it because you are in control? Does it have anything to do with the fact that you can't be rejected by that person?" Just general questions like this can help open the door into healing for both of you.
If he refuses to open up about this topic, seriously reconsider the relationship. Relationships are about relating.

The one statement that bothered me most in your post was this:

"...he makes me drunk ..."

This is not an acceptable or healthy way for anyone to live. If he is forcing anything on you, it is an alarm BIG TIME! Get as far away as you can from any relationship where a person even hints at controlling you. Life is too short for that nonsense.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Beth90

. I'd like to think he would never put it into practise outside of the relationship

and without my permission.

But now I'm
Starting to feel like I have to do it otherwise he'll go out and fulfil it somewhere else.

A couple things here sound like they are tearing down your own self value..

First part sounds like you're considering opening the relationship to outside parties, and it's sounds begrudgingly..

The second is fear he's just going to do what he wants without regard for you, your wants, needs and desires to maintain a long term relationship going forward.

Three years, no engagement ring?
Three years and considering sharing your exclusive partner?
Three years and lacking trust?