[Miakoda]

I'd like to know if there's anyone else going through the same thing as me. Im 38, and feel like I'm still a "teen " whenever I'm around my parents. It's as if my parents constantly think that I need their help or advice. It has gotten to the point where I'm beginning to avoid seeing them and talking to them. Actually I think the problem is more with my mom than with my dad. I can't even tell my mother that I have an appointment somewhere without her telling me that she's going to come over and pick me up to save me from paying bus fair! It makes me so angry. I know they mean their best and all, but how and when will it ever stop?

[Liberada]

No they won't stop. They are parents. *sigh* My Mom wants to come spend the night with me when my husband works nights. She wants to go with me on doctor visits. Never mind that I'll be 43 in June. LOL I do admit that often she grates on my absolute last nerve at times and I have reacted to her exactly as a teenager would. But I am her "baby". And always will be. I stop to think of my own "babies" and I understand where she's coming from much better. Does that make sense?

[UCLAFan]

Going through that off and on for the past 5 years. Glad i live in IL and my mom lives in Texas. But over the phone she treats me like a child. She thinks i should move near her. But i can't because she is verbally abusive and has never really been there for me.Maybe she is acting that way out of guilt for not being there for you growing up. I know that's the case with my mom. But in my case she is to late to be my mom now.

[sabby]

Welcome to PC Miakoda!

For some reason or another, as a parent, I find it hard to see that my kids are adults. Old habits die hard....man oh man do they ever.

I think its hard for older parents to let go especially as they want to feel that they are still useful in our lives. They know you are an adult and all, but end up living vicariously through their childrens lives. Maybe if they had other activities to do with their time, some fun things, then they might back off of you a bit. Loneliness could also be a problem here.

The best thing I can suggest is to gently discuss with your mom that you would like to venture out alone at times. Promise her that if you need her advice you will ask for it, as you respect her knowledge.

I know it can be frustrating at times. I hope you can find the patience and strength to get through.

Hugsssss
J

[derSchmerz]

This issue stabs at my very heart. I haven’t lived so full a life that I feel very confident in giving other people advice, but I can’t help thinking that what you’re feeling is part of the natural order of things. As a person who has failed to develop and move on, and has clung to my aged mother for all of my life, I can tell you that it does not result in a very strong or whole person, and now that her health and life are failing, I feel lost, alone, and weak. It’s my hope that you can do what I say and not what I do, and assert your independence. Express love and appreciation for any and all the things they might have done for you, for some day you may be very glad that you took the trouble to do so. Also, just consider that they’ve been around longer and may occasionally have a valid point to make. But by all means, I think they should be encouraged to loosen their grip.........lovingly and in good faith, if at all possible.

[Wants2Fly]

I think it stops eventually, if the parents become needy in old age so that the child has to start looking out for and advising the parent.

[AlteredState01]

Miakoda,

You should see my mother (72) and my aunt (70) with their "little brother," (60)! He gets doted on just as he did when he was a babe. It's actually quite sweet to watch! Of course, that helps me to recognize that if it hasn't stopped for him, it will probably never stop for me.

At the age she is at now, I take it as it is meant - a loving gesture (but she is not overbearing in any way, so it makes it much easier for me), because eventually, I will not have such loving attention from anyone else - ever - as I get from her!

(Uh oh, now I'm gonna cry....)

AS