Depression and partners

I've been seeing someone for a little while now, but I'm worried for them. I deal with depression, not diagnosed, and I'm worried how it'll affect him. I'm fighting an uphill battle constantly. Sometimes I drop my guard or something will affect me and I become very lazy and housebound, and then I have to fight to regain myself again. I've thought about it, and I think he shouldn't have to face that about me. I've only been upbeat around him so far, and we get along great. I wonder if I should leave him so he has the chance to find someone else without this problem.

My depression cycles, and I do recognize when I'm going through a low-spot. But I don't want to rely on him being around to get me out of it, and I don't expect him to.

Is there anyone who has a partner who deals with depression? Or if you deal with depression, how does it affect your partner? Should I leave him for his own sake?

Hey, Breezy Day. I think you should give your guy the opportunity to know more of you, the bad as well as the good, and make up his own mind as to whether he "should face that about you" or whether he should move on and find someone else. I think your fear of being left is not helping you or him. Bailing without giving him the opportunity to speak for himself about how he feels hurts you even more than it does him because it gets you in the habit of not thinking well of yourself or trusting others to love and help you (what "partnering" means?). And it is disrespectful of the other person and their ability to make decisions about their own life.

I would talk to him and share some of your experiences with being depressed and not work so hard to be upbeat when you are not feeling well. It is one thing not to complain when we don't feel well but another entirely to "hide" that we do not feel well and pretend all is good?

I think you should let him decide what is best for him.

Being in a good relationship can help alleviate depression. Are you going to deny yourself a partner in life. That would be a pretty depressing way to live.

It's good that you're honest enough to recognize that you have a chronic emotional problem and to be concerned how it would affect a partner. But try raising the bar a bit on what you expect of yourself. Yes, for his sake you would have to try harder on those days that you don't feel like getting out if the bed, but challenge yourself to do just that.

Thank you both for your help.

Perna, you're right... He's the one who's stayed with me so far. If anything, he might have already noticed I act strangely sometimes when I'm depressed. If not, I'll let him decide to stay with me or not. Yeah, I'm sure he'd want to make that decision himself.

I'm not worried about him leaving me, and I don't think he would if he found out my issues with depression. I just wonder if I'm taking up the time of a nice, young man when he could be with a girl who's more cheerful. But, it's good to remember that no one is perfect, so I wouldn't know what his future holds either way. I know it wouldn't be my responsibility.

I think I've had problems with that before. I keep thinking no one would like who I am as a whole, including the bad side of me. I see where you're coming from, but it's my life too. I hold half the responsibility of this relationship, and if I'm dealing with too many issues of my own, then it may be best for me to call it off. But... I think I could give this relationship a shot. You're right that I should listen to him.

Hm, so I should be okay with not feeling down once and a while? I have trouble doing so, but I could work on it.

I agree, and I'll let him decide. I know that some people can live on their own happily, and I think I wouldn't be too upset to live single. However, this relationship has done me much more good than bad. I would be unhappy to give it up.

I agree. I think the first step to overcoming an obstacle is to admit you have a problem, so I made a choice a while back to be honest to myself about my feelings, so I can start working them out. I had spent years before denying what I felt. I do know that dealing with a depressed partner can be emotionally draining, from what I heard, so this is what I'm worried about most. I just don't want to hurt him in the long run .

I agree to not let my depression beat me up. I would be sad to see someone I care about falter in their depression to a great extent. I know it can't all go away by will, but I can affect the course of it.

Thank you both again.

Breezy~Day,
I think you should be very honest with him but understand that is difficult. Being someone who cares deeply for a person with depression it is helpful to know what to expect. I think it is important to develop a way to communicate so when you are struggling, they know you are safe and what to do to best support you. This conversation may be ongoing if you deal with depression. In my humble opinion the most difficult part is when the communication has not been put in place and the partner struggles to understand and figure out how to be supportive without being smothering.
Good Luck!

If you don't mind me asking , how long have you been together Breezy, the longer you know someone, and they see the imperfections that can help. if your young it c as n also be learning more about each other .

Thank you quietincrowd. I can see how letting him know what to expect from me will make it that much easier, plus it'll let him know to not take it personally. I wouldn't want us to have a problem talking to each other about issues later on, too, so it's good to start early.

FeelingHopeful, we've been together for at least over a few months. We're both young adults, so it is a learning experience, especially for me. I see what you mean. We can learn to understand each other over time. I really did want to know if I should break up early, so that we don't have a chance to get too attached to each other as time goes on, but I won't worry about that for now.