[lovethesun]

We live near a kid who is extremely nosy. I mean, EXTREMELY! She thinks nothing of walking right up to adults and asking them what work are you having done on your yard, asks my husband why he is home and not at work, walks up to neighbors she does not even know that have a For Sale sign in their yard and asks them why are they moving and where to, etc.. She also does that to the other kids. I've heard her pepper them like a machine gun with questions about what they did over the weekend, what did they have for dinner, where was your mom going last night, etc. Talking to this kid is like being interrogated. No surprise though as to why she does it, her mother is the nosiest person on the face of the planet and likes to spread people's private business all over town. I'm trying to come up with a nice way of responding to this kids nosy questions, without being all out nasty and without giving her the info she wants. I'll advise my own kids to respond to her the same way. Does anyone have any suggestions? Thanks.

[IceCreamKid]

You could do the child a favor and pleasantly say: "I think it's bad manners to pepper people with personal questions."

She doesn't know any better because of the example her mother sets. Help her out and gently guide her, without criticizing her mother.

[Dan208]

I have to deal with this exact same problem at work every day...except with a 22 year old. He is the nosiest person I've ever met in my life. Always wants to be in everyones business, but when the tables are turned he gets extremely defensive and tells you to mind your own business. So annoying.

[coyotee]

How old is she? Little kids are curious and they'll do that sometimes. But sometimes it can be a little bothersome. If it's too much, just tell her she's asking too many questions, that some things are none of her business.

[winter4me]

What age?

[Trippin2.0]

A smiley "that's none of your business" is good enough.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Keep in mind some children have personalities that are naturally this way. They are not trying to be nosy or annoying but are naturally curious and have personalities that lean toward the social butterfly.

My daughter, is a case in point. She has always been talkative and curious. even at age 2 onward she would walk up to strangers and talk to them and in spite of all the attempts to stop this.

I know it can be annoying and even intrusive but please keep in mind this is a growing mind of a child and no matter what you decide to do, telling her it's none of her business or what not, please do it with kindness!

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

I would tell them tall stories; 'This weekend I am joining the druids on Primrose hill to sacrifice a young sheep to the sun to ensure good weather for the summer holidays', or 'I am not at work today because there was a radiation leak in the office yesterday and we cannot go back to work for ten million years' and generally exercise my wit of the noisome little tyke.

[lovethesun]

I wanted to add, this child is 11 years old and should know better than to ask very intrusive questions. I'd be more understanding if it were a young 5 year old or something.

[~Christina]

Simple... Tell the child they are being rude and should not being asking so many questions and they need to go home.

[divine1966]

This child might be plain rude. But I know many children and adults with ASD who constantly ask intrusive questions because they just don't naturally know what's right. They need to be taught. Even if they Are social type they still don't know what's right. It is work in progress. They need to be stopped every time they do it and taught a proper way to act

Maybe it is just because that's what I do for a living, when I see people acting funny or weird my first thought is they have XYZ rather than they are weird lol I am often right.

But sometimes it annoys others as if we have bad waiter I just think he has ADD and forgot his meds or if we encounter rude cashier I think she has MI. Etc others say I just find excuses for people. Could be but I am often right because I just recognize what's there

So this girl might be just plain rude lol

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[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by lovethesun

I wanted to add, this child is 11 years old and should know better than to ask very intrusive questions. I'd be more understanding if it were a young 5 year old or something.

That is still young. Plus again some people remain naturally curious and have a tendency to do this. My daughter is 23 now. she still has the social bug, will talk to anyone, and talk too much but that's something that is about her personality, and it's not as if she is out to annoy people, no, she's actually kind of unaware of many social norms. Most likely Aspie too.

My honest concern is the way some people so easily are annoyed by young people.

[nicoleflynn]

Sounds as if she is following in her mom's footsteps....being that nosy.......maybe she is compulsive.....maybe she is very lonely?

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

...

My honest concern is the way some people so easily are annoyed by young people.

Mine too, and I'm not trying to point fingers at anyone on this thread, but it honestly surprises me almost daily how many people regard children as small adults instead of the naive, innocent children that they are.

[hannabee]

Originally Posted by lovethesun

I'll advise my own kids to respond to her the same way. Does anyone have any suggestions? Thanks.

At first I thought you had kids, but now I don't think so??? When you do, your entire perspective will change. Kids are immature beings, NOT little people. They now say that the human brain is not "fully cooked" until 25 or so.

Cut her a little slack, you were her age once.

[lovethesun]

Thanks to everyone for their responses. I appreciate this site as it gives people such a great outlet to present a concern and ask for advice. And you learn alot, I feel, by the answers you get. Honestly, I feel that the child I've referenced in my post is simply doing one thing and one thing only.....spying for her mother. Her mother is nosy to the point of it being a disorder, in my opinion. The mother then takes the information, twists it around, and uses it against people. I know this because I've had conversations with the mother and stated my feelings on things, likewise my daughter has had conversations with this child and told her things only to have a person from somewhere else in the neighborhood approach me and bring up the same information, only it's been twisted and it's not what I said. When I ask who told them....never fails.....always comes back to the child or her mother. I apologize if I sound paranoid, I hope I don't. But others have had the same experience with this mother/daughter duo. Which is why I'm so sensitive to the constant intrusive questions from the daughter. I've met plenty of young children who like to ask questions and are just naive and curious and I thought they were so sweet. I didn't mind giving them information. But the child I referenced in this post, is not the naive, curious little child. She knows what she is doing and why she's doing it.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by lovethesun

Thanks to everyone for their responses. I appreciate this site as it gives people such a great outlet to present a concern and ask for advice. And you learn alot, I feel, by the answers you get. Honestly, I feel that the child I've referenced in my post is simply doing one thing and one thing only.....spying for her mother. Her mother is nosy to the point of it being a disorder, in my opinion. The mother then takes the information, twists it around, and uses it against people. I know this because I've had conversations with the mother and stated my feelings on things, likewise my daughter has had conversations with this child and told her things only to have a person from somewhere else in the neighborhood approach me and bring up the same information, only it's been twisted and it's not what I said. When I ask who told them....never fails.....always comes back to the child or her mother. I apologize if I sound paranoid, I hope I don't. But others have had the same experience with this mother/daughter duo. Which is why I'm so sensitive to the constant intrusive questions from the daughter. I've met plenty of young children who like to ask questions and are just naive and curious and I thought they were so sweet. I didn't mind giving them information. But the child I referenced in this post, is not the naive, curious little child. She knows what she is doing and why she's doing it.

Well if she is just spying for her mother then mother is To Blame not the child.
If mother tells her to collect info that's what she does. Can't blame her ,she is too young

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[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Well if she is just spying for her mother then mother is To Blame not the child.
If mother tells her to collect info that's what she does. Can't blame her ,she is too young

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Agree with this and even with the point that the OP made about the child knowing what is going on. That may be the case, but still likely the mother is to blame and being the mother, the child is learning the gossiping ways of her mother even if not entirely being pushed by the mother telling her to "spy". I did not break free from the dysfunctional dynamics until into my 20s and even further did not see the extent of it for possibly 10 more years. You play a role as a child sometimes willingly yet ignorantly and sometimes coerced into things but either way the child many times does not have much freedom in acting on their own, or at least does not believe they have that freedom.

I know this makes it no less annoying and disconcerting though. Just kindly keep telling her that it's none of her business.

[lovethesun]

Funny thing is....there was one time when my daughter asked this questioning child a nosy question, and you know what this child told my daughter?........"None of your business". Thought it was interesting that this child knows when to cut other people off and give them no info, yet is relentless in seeking it for herself. Very interesting.......

I teach and am very used to these kinds of questions from certain kids, so I have no problem with telling kids "That is simply not your business" and moving on. It is a boundary thing, and some kids have had good modeling for boundaries while others haven't. Does it frustrate them? Yes, but at some point they have to hear the word "no" and realize people have boundaries that have to respect.

[scorpiosis37]

Originally Posted by lovethesun

Funny thing is....there was one time when my daughter asked this questioning child a nosy question, and you know what this child told my daughter?........ "None of your business". Thought it was interesting that this child knows when to cut other people off and give them no info, yet is relentless in seeking it for herself. Very interesting.......

Even so, the child is doing what she has been taught by her mother. You seem to have a lot of anger towards the child, when the child is still too young to fully grasp the situation. For all you know, the child could be receiving a lot of pressure from her mother to ask these questions or trying to win her mother's love by reporting information she knows her mother wants. You have no idea what the child's life is like behind closed doors or why the child is asking these questions. You can kindly tell the child that it's "not polite to ask these questions" without assuming the worst about the little girl or directing your frustration at her (rather than at her parents or, if she does have MI, at a disease). At 11 years old, her behavior is not something she has full control over; she is still very much the product of her environment.

[divine1966]

I think unless we know this child personally we can't tell what's going on. She could be immature, told to spy, has some mental issues, is just innocent, is rude etc we have no clue.

The solution is do not answer questions but simply tell the child that you can't answer such questions and she shouldn't be asking.

She is 11, not like you are forced to answer her questions. If I answer every question ( I mean personal ones) my students ask me I would lose my mind! And I see them all day every day.



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