How do I help my lonely, widowed father?

My father is 64. My mother passed away 4 years ago. My father still works. He's self-employed a male dominated industry. He doesn't have any friends and hasn't since university. He's very introverted as well (so was my mom). He has no hobbies -- spent all his time working when we were kids.

His brother and sister lives far away and so do I. My sister lives close by and does what she can but she has a very demanding job. He doesn't have enough money to retire or take a vacation and wouldn't have anyone else to run his business. He has a golden retriever but he's that's pretty much it.

It sounds difficult. Does he have a wish to be more social? Does he work in the evenings too?

Wow our fathers are in very similar situations down to the Golden Retriever that has been his life saver. Although my dad is older and my mom has been gone two years. He has been in such a depression that it causes physical illnesses. They were very active and we have a close family and he was always busy with his business and hobbies. While he still does some work and keeps busy with his hobbies, he is so lonely and sad. While my siblings and I do what we can and try as much as possible to see him on weekends, I know that during the week and dinner time are especially hard and lonely for him.

The one good thing is he is seeing a psychiatrist that has been helping. Would your dad be willing to join a support group? Does he want to be more social? That's the big key. It's hard for me not to feel guilty that I can't be there more for my dad or I can't fix this for him. Your dad is only 64 and will hopefully have many years ahead of him. Hopefully he can get outside his comfort zone and meet people with his same interests.

Actually that sounds a lot like me. Wife passed away just over 2 months ago, family back in Australia, in-laws down in Texas and I'm up in Missouri. With the exception of the drum circle people I meet with once a fortnight (2 weeks), I don't have any other social interaction outside of work. Got 4 Chihuahua's and a huge house to maintain that keeps me busy and being a computer geek/gamer I can loose my time working on hardware or playing games online. Still working in my software engineer career, so being around people at work helps, but still the loneliness is tough... claustrophobic at times.

Know that feeling. That's me every day. Even though I keep up my gym workouts, I am finding it hard to maintain the same activity level. My mental state just doesn't help motivate me to push thought the physical workout, like I used to when my wife was alive. Also getting headaches often, dizzy at times and just feel crappy, like having the flu all the time.

((((((((((RipperJack)))))))))))

Just be there for him as much as possible because you are his child and you're one of the only people who actually can be there for him emotionally at this time in his life. Do little things to help him out and make his day easier, and its always nice to remind them how much you love them.

By the way this seems to be very common with older people, my dad is the exact same way except he's retired and really doesn't talk to anyone. Makes me sad.

He has no idea how to be social. My parents never had people over to the house and my dad is pretty clueless about what other guys do. He hasn't taken a holiday in 40 years and hasn't been to a party in 35 years. All he ever does is work, sleep, watch TV and hangout with his kids/dog. He lives in the country too so he doesn't even walk his dog and meet other people.

Are you sure he really wants to meet other people? Sometimes that's not what someone really wants to do. Some people like solitude more than socializing. I'm sure if he really wanted to make friends he would. Maybe just try to be emotionally supportive and allow him to slowly come out of the depression on his own, and in his own way.

I am sort of thinking along the same wavelength as @CosmicRose. Does your father want more from his life? Not everyone is meant to be super social. Are you a very social person? Are you extroverted yourself? I'm not saying that is definitely the issue, but as an introvert myself, I oftentimes feel pressure from extroverts to be a certain way, when they don't really know what is best for me. (My apologies if this isn't the case at all.)

My father is certainly an introvert but he's an introvert with virtually no contact with any other human beings except his children. I'm worried hell go half mad with only one child nearby. He works completely irregular hours

I'd ask him if I were you. Ask him if he'd rather be more social, but sometimes when you're stressed out like that, adding more on the plate like an active social life sometimes compounds the pressure.