[mulan]

I already have lots of trouble dealing with people and fitting in.
My social problems developed over the years. I always had them, but there is this auto-destrutive though that has been with me since ever. Most of the time I feel I am the extra outside person and I can't help but think as I am not a part of the group and they all get along so well they don't want me there, because I would be an intruder. Everytime this happens (a lot) I imagine myself going to them and joining them and they look me with some suspicious wonder why this person they think is weird is trying to fit in with them. And that they better would want me far from them.
This is happens more if the people in the group are really close to each other or if there is someone in the group that I feel more uncomfortable with (because I think because of this people self confidence and extroverty they will find stupid anything I do and they always will find me pathetic.

I can't get ride off this though. I know people don't work so much this way... But even so I feel so exposed and judged that all I do is keep myself away from them.

P.S. - I don't have friends and I spent too much time alone at classes.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

I suspect that you are not in fact weird, pathetic and an intruder, so I wonder why you think this.

If people really did think you pathetic, surely that is their problem not yours, other people would be OK with you and that is more important than the unlikely event of people being hostile or critical.

Also it is a truism that no one can possibly know what someone else is thinking, so you are making unjustified assumptions on the basis of what evidence?

Since you have not actually engaged with these other people you cannot know what would happen if you did. No one knows the future.

You do have one thing right though, this is auto-destructive thinking and not logical, evidence based thinking. I hope you can find a way of changing your thinking.