Getting Mixed Signals

Can any of the men in this support group explain what may be going on here, please?

I was contacted by a guy from high school with whom I have not kept up. My friends all said he was looking for sex, but I guess that wasn't really true.

We met for coffee and I liked him. We share a lot of the same values, background, interests, etc. We laughed a lot and had a "meeting of the minds" on a number of topics.

During the "not-a-date" he astonished me by remembering what street I lived on when we were growing up, the way my father was killed, and other details that he had no reason to remember. Perhaps he does this with all of the high school crowd.

He also said I looked "cute" in a 3rd grade picture someone (neither he nor I) had posted on Facebook. But he did not compliment me on how I looked today.

He asked questions that sounded like he might be interested in me as a person, including swapping stories about our first kiss and questions about my immediate future plans. But then he left without a word about meeting again and there has been no contact from him since.

Do I assume he found me not up to his standard? He has never been been married.

How do I file this so that I can move forward? I'm not really crushed, but I have been feeling as if I "blew" an opportunity to at least get a second date.

Any advice?

H.

How long ago did you see him?

We chatted for three hours.

How long ago was that?

Sometimes people just want to catch up and chew the fat. As Bill asked... how long ago did you guys meet?

Hopefully Bill3 can share some more insight here for you chocoholic

Unfortunately, I can't offer a perspective on the situation until I have a sense of how long ago OP talked to him.

I cannot understand why it matters "how long ago". This is someone I was in junior high school with and we had not kept up the acquaintance. He contacted me first in 2009 and it lead to nothing but a few emails of no consequence. He came (at my invitation) to a public performance of a choral piece in 2012 and to the reception (lots of people, there no conversation) and there was no follow up. It's now 2015 and I suggested we meet for coffee, wondering if I could figure out why he even bothered to write me in the first place, since he had not followed up on it. We met last week and chatted and I STILL do not know why he bothered. Can you decipher this for me?

I wouldn't read too much into this. He was probably intrigued about you because of your past, but since he's not taken it further than the chats then I would let him be.
As to why he bothered talking to you in the first place? Why not ask? I have. I've befriended many on another forum, and we've talked in depth for a while and then it just stops. Sometimes there is no reason for it but to fulfill their own sense of curiosity as to "what happened to her/him".

Since he is not married, and you had kissed in the past and so evidently there was a degree of closeness at one time, my guess would be that in 2009 he was curious as to what you were then like after all of those years. He evidently had fond memories of you. He maintained a sufficient fondness to see you twice further when invited and, on this last occasion, to chat for three full hours.

I asked about how long ago because in my opinion a week or so isn't long enough to draw conclusions about his intentions now. If your plan is to wait and see, I think that you would need to wait longer than a week to have a clearer sense.

On the other hand, you could of course contact him again and see what his feelings are, to see whether or not he is open to a friendship.

Whether you contact him again or he contacts you, I think the definitive way to get a better sense of his intentions, and of what interests him about you, is to ask him.

I am not sure if I am reading this right, but it sounds like he initiated contact in 2009 and since then, you have invited him out several times but he has not reciprocated? If that is the case, I would file this away as someone who is not interested in you romantically. If he was the one who asked you out on the coffee date, then my opinion would be a bit different.

I think Sad in TX has a plausible explanation for his behavior. I often initiate contact with people I haven't seen in a while, get together for coffee, and then do it again in a year or three. It's nice to catch up and see what people are up to.

yes ask!

I don't fully understand the issue.

You were the one who asked him out, he went and then no contact. He either just went to catch up or just wanted to be polite or went in hopes there is more but there wasn't. So he isn't following up. You can ask him why or figure out he isn't interested. If he was he'd call

In 2012 it was you inviting him again. He went. Maybe to be polite or maybe because he likes music

. In 2009 he contacted you. It was too long ago to know or care why. Could be Number of reasons. Catch up or boredom or maybe true interest. He might not even remember why.

If if bothers you he doesn't ask you in a date then ask him if he is interested. He might not even think it was a date . Just a catch up.

Good luck

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I expect you are right. Thanks!

We never kissed. We never dated. We never saw one another outside of school. That's why I was so surprised when he contacted me.

I may not get a chance to ask him anything, but I will certainly take your advice under consideration. Thank you!

I can see your point. the difference is that I actually HAVE male friends whom I see every few years and when we meet, we hug, kiss, and talk frankly with one another. So his behavior doesn't fit my expectations. Guess I'm confused about what to expect! :/

Thank you for your input. Does no one on this board think it's weird that he remembered such specific details about me when there was no reason for him to? My legitimate male friends tend to forget, not remember.