[Cocoloso7]

Hi i am in a relationship with someone who i love a lot but am confused as to how to deal i have only been dating them for eight months. For one He is very insecure he constantly accuses me of cheating according to him i have cheated on him with everyone in town Even his best friend. he checks my phone from time to time an will get angry if he see's texts from any male. Before i found out i was pregnant my friend had asked me to drive with her and her kids to atlanta to celebrate a friends birthday. I said yes. about a week from the trip i found out i was a month and two weeks pregnant i decided to go anyway because i had already said yes an was very early. He texted me the whole time accusing me of going there to sleep with men and saying very mean things. He got upset because i took a picture at a party with a male friend that i had put on instagram an told me to take it down. He drives very recklessly as well he will go to 90 miles per hour for no reason at all driving with him is very scary. He has been arrested for driving with a suspended license 7 times. twice while we have been together. He recently just crashed his grandmothers car cause he was driving an had been drinking he lied an said he hit a deer. he lives with his grandma who is nice but who i feel enables him. His emotions are always all over the place one minute he will text me that i'm sneaky then the next text that he loves me. And he lies so much. But despite all this he can be the sweetest person when i was sick so bad i had to go to the hospital he was there for my every need that's what made me fall in love with him. Now that i'm pregnant i just can't deal with the insecurity an emotional roller coaster i don't know wat to do any advice ?

[pamela33]

This sounds like you're in an abusive relationship. I'm sorry to say this, but it doesn't sound like this guy loves you. He humiliates you, he disrespects you by saying you've cheated on him with everyone in town. A solid relationship is built upon trust, something he clearly does not have for you. He also puts your life in danger by driving recklessly. Don't allow him to do this anymore, it will get much much worse from here. This person needs serious help, this behavior won't just disappear on its own no matter how many times he apologizes, it's just going to be a cycle of the same abusive behavior over and over again.

[pamela33]

Take a look at this link, it may help. Take a look at the checklist and evaluate how many of those are applicable to you:

Domestic Violence and Abuse: Signs of Abuse and Abusive Relationships

[Cocoloso7]

Wow thank you i will take a look at it

[marmaduke]

He sounds borderline to me.

[Tree31]

I agree with Pamela33. He sounds very much like an abuser.

I'm not sure if I can recommend books here, but if I can, you might want to read Why Does He Do That? Inside The Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft, in addition to Pamela33's link. It is about the mentality that underlies abuse. I read it on behalf of a friend and it described her abuser to a T.

Bancroft also has a book he wrote with someone else called Should I Stay or Should I Go? designed to help the reader determine the course they want to take with the relationship.

[Bill3]

He is suffering from a serious mental issue, quite likely more than one. Borderline personality disorder is definitely a possibility, as is paranoid personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder. What are the chances that he would get a psychiatric evaluation?

At an absolute minimum, please, I urge you not to go driving with him.

Paranoid personality disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

https://www.clearviewwomenscenter.co...der-dsm-v.html

Antisocial Personality Disorder DSM-5 301.7 (F60.2) - Therapedia

[Cocoloso7]

Highly unlikely he doesnt think there is anything wrong with his behavior just a couple days a go he called me telling me that i was at my job cheating on him with a co worker an that someone took pictures of me talking to them he said i was talking to a brown skin guy ( this never happen btw) i asked him to text me the pictures an he keep changing the subject. He then called but but i didnt pick up after he texted me to stop calling cause he was with another girl an they were trying to sleep he then asked me if i was crying an then if i loved him my moms seems to think he does this for attention but i'm not sure he says things then after the fallout says he lied i'm not even sure how he feels about me anymore

[Trippin2.0]

Sounds like AAD to me.


Abusive As.s.hole Disorder.

[~Christina]

I doubt he will do so, but Tell him you want to go to couples counseling.

You need to think about your child. Obviously you need to not get in a car with him. Do you really think staying with him is going to be a good decision? Will your child be safe? Will you be safe?

This isn't just about you and him anymore... Babies need to come first

Welcome to PC

Originally Posted by Cocoloso7

he constantly accuses me of cheating according to him i have cheated on him with everyone in town Even his best friend.

[toolman65]

whatever you decide, be prepared to raise that child by yourself.

[llleeelllaaannneee]

It isn't rare I express an opinion but it is rare that I assert that my opinion is truth. I'm gonna do something I rarely do and say that someone that does the things you have described is an abuser and it not only will not get better it will get worse.
I also suggest that you tell anyone you trust that is near you about his behavior and get the support of others to remove yourself from the situation.

Waiting for this guy to do something 'really bad' is like saying you'll leave once he grows horns, a tail, turns red and starts carrying a pitchfork!!!

[llleeelllaaannneee]

p.s. I am so sorry you are going through this with a pregnancy to consider and be prepared for.
I had an abusive partner, the first eight months were just a primer for what was to come. I actually married my abuser and he got much worse once we were married (like your is likely to once you have his child).

I felt so weak in the relationship and didn't think I had the strength to leave. But, wow, did I have more energy once I wasn't dealing with his b.s. day in and day out!!!

[Rose76]

I would take the "or" out of your question. Yes, he definitely is very immature AND that is a serious issue. Failure to mature is one of the worst issues an adult can have. I'm afraid you are in for a roller coaster ride with him.

Start now by setting precedents that will push him in a more mature direction, though you've got a heck of a lot of pushing to do. He has no right to open your mail or inspect your cell phone. Insist on your rights on these matters. You are not an extention of him, but a separate person. Start being very clear about what he has a right to access to and what he doesn't. This business of lovers checking each other's cell phones -which I hear a lot about these days - is a violation of one's rights to what is personal. If you let this intrusion into your space go by, you are giving him permission to disrespect you.

You will never get him to respect you by pleading with him. You've got to stand up to this firmly. He has little respect for others. That BTW is what speeding is all about. Speeding in a car as brazenly as he does it (7 tickets!!) says "I will not accept anyone putting limits on me!" So you'ld be wise to do exactly that . . . set those limits! Say, No trespassing on my phone." He will disregard and test you. Then you have to give a real consequence - like no contact with him, until he apologizes. Soon you will have a child on your hands. Actually, you'll have two children.

That's real nice that he was sweet when you were sick, but it's not okay that he will offer you sweet devotion, IF you give him total control.