Guy I'm seeing still active on dating site. Help?

I met a guy on a dating site, and we have been dating for just over a month. We talk everyday for hours, we meet up several times a week and have even stayed at eachother's houses and met eachother's families. We are very intimate together, and he admits he's only been intimate with one other woman. We have so much in common, and there is never an awkward silence between us. He's perfect for me. There have been reasons for him to leave, and he's stuck with me. I like him so much, and care about him, and he says he feels the same about me.

I took down my dating profile a week after we met, and yesterday I saw that his proflile is still up and he's still active on it. And I'm thinking, what the hell?

He's a bit funny about calling whatever we are a relationship, and when I once joked that I loved him he said uugh don't scare me off. He said he'd never see anyone else and definitely didn't want to, so I'm so confused.
He also talks to a lot of women on his facebook and once I saw that he'd put four kisses on the end.

I'm getting really upset over this because even though it hasn't been a long time, we've done so much together and I feel like I'm falling for him. Any advice? Thank you.

I too met my current boyfriend on a dating site (Tinder) and we have been together for almost two years. I will tell you this, If his dating profile says that he is "still active" that means he has done some scrolling/swiping. That doesn't just mean he just hasn't deleted his profile. If he is being flirtatious with other girls on facebook there is no way he is being honest with you. He is keeping his options open just incase. I would confront him with these issues and ask him to take down the profiles (dating) if he wants to continue with you. If you are wiling to do this, you have to be willing to leave him. After all, why would you want to date someone who sees you as an option and not a priority.

Hope this helps.

xo

Ok if you two are intimate sexually I believe it is a must to be exclusive. It needs to be discussed and mutually agreed. If he still sees other women or searches for them he isn't exclusive. If you are still just in dating stages not sleeping together then dating others might be ok. Bottom line is it needs to be discussed and communicated and mutually agreed upon. Now if you are not on a dating site how do you know he is.

Generally based on my experiences and preferences I prefer not to be sexual unless we love each other. And definitely are exclusive and it is discussed and agreed upon. If men is not willing to wait or isn't willing to be exclusive it is a deal breaker for me. ( hasn't been when I was younger)


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I agree with Divine about the need for exclusivity.

That talk is super important. It's not about being possessive nor is it even jealousy. It is about health, physical and emotional.

Maintaining his profile doesn't necessarily mean he's looking, yet, it gives off a questionable appearance, it does tear down trust. Maybe he's tying up loose ends? Maybe he has boundary issues? Boundary issues can bring problems if he's unable to say no to them. All kinds of things.

Since you're intimate, it's reasonable to have such talks. If he cannot respect that, then maybe he's not mature enough to be involved?

A good book if you want insight into the male psyche is 'Why men love *****es'. Helped me!

I understand though. I met a very handsome man on a dating site. We got on and I deleted my profile, then found out he was still active. I felt ridiculously hurt, after all I'd only been seeing him for a short while.
I vowed not to look any more and just take it day by day.
I did keep checking his profile tho, couldn't help it

He was a playa unfortunately. I was heartbroken for a while.

Sometimes all it takes is communication. Yes some men continue going on dating sites and lie about it but you owe it to yourself to sit him down and discuss it

In a meanwhile do not have unprotected se.x

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Unless you told him of your expectations, you can't blame him for still being on the site. On the other hand if you had an agreement, that is another thing. Guys think diffrently than women; we assume things....we shouldn't....Have to communicate.

How old is this guy?

I think you need to talk to him and ask him what's up. You can't make a relationship work if you can't communicate. Even if you guys aren't in an exclusive relationship he's already (maybe) lied to you so. I think that's a red flag.

My suggestion as someone who has been in your situation...

Keep your profile up, too. Don't limit yourself to this guy. I know you said you have feelings for him, but he's not being honest with you. And he's giving you the "I'm not ready" crap because he doesn't want a label on your relationship. That means he's not ready, and that you shouldn't settle for table scraps from someone who says what you want to hear but doesn't follow through.

I do agree with the others that say you need to confront him about the situation. If he is still wishy-washy about where you guys stand, then move on. It's hard, but it can be done.

You deserve better than table scraps. And sadly, being intimate doesn't mean you're together. If he's into you, he'll prove it.

Take it from someone who has learned the oh-so-very-hard way.

Honestly I know you what you are saying And keeping profile up as well as dating others is A good idea, but gets complicated since she has sex. People on dating sites usually expect others to be single.

She needs to be up front with potential dates that she sleeps with someone else and most likely she won't get a date. Who wants that? Not disclosing is not nice. People deserve to know.

That is why it is a bad idea to have sex not being in a relationship. Not discussing exclusivity and not being in love with each yet having sex often leads to disasters. Unless of course both people are up to casual encounter then it's fine. Other than that one or both people often get hurt.

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Belle, I too have experienced this when I was meeting men on dating sites after my divorce. It's very hurtful, no matter how one tries to analyze or rationalize it. Since you're intimate, the mere fact that you would have to ASK him why his profile still active is, in itself, humiliating. I hung in there, with lots of anxiety, way too long with such men. In retrospect, I shake my head, and ask myself, WHY did I not just end it?, instead of wasting my precious time and emotions on someone who was so shallow. I also mentioned that I "loved" him, and got a similar response. You feel love because you're intimate with him, but he doesn't feel that, and he's still looking. Very bad for you, but you can be strong, take care of yourself, and end this.

IF you really feel love for the man, it will take you some time to recover, but, trust me, you will! Don't waste any more of your precious time.