[Secretum]

How will I know when I've found him/her (I'm pansexual). I've been on dating sites; gone on a few dates, but haven't really "clicked" with anyone. I've dealt with sexual tension in many of my real-life friendships, but they were always one-sided, either me to them, or them to me.

I feel like in my quest to find the ideal mate, I need to comb the globe. That is the beauty of dating sites; you can contact people anywhere. Most of them aren't looking for long distance relationships, however, and won't return messages from people living hundreds of miles away.

I am looking for someone who is intelligent and creative, compassionate and ambitious. Someone who is so cute that it is almost impossible to deal with. Someone who understands my mental health struggles and doesn't judge me for them or think I'm fragile (I'd love to date another neurodivergent!). Someone who opens my mind to new concepts, music, books, films, life. Someone who pushes me to be a better person. Someone who is spiritual and has a personal relationship with God, but openminded. And someone with whom I can share a red-hot sexual attraction to.

Is it possible to find a person who meets all of these criteria, or will I have to make compromises? I have yet to find a person who is all of that, but then again...I haven't met everyone in the world yet. For those of you who have found your perfect match, how much did you meet him/her? How long did it take before you knew you were in love? Did you meet him/her serendipitously, or were you searching like I am?

Thank you!!

[divine1966]

I have been in love of course and had meaningful relationships however no one was a perfect match. Love isn't enough. I am yet to meet one

. I know people who met perfect matches. My daughter is one. She is bi sexual or perhaps pan sexual. Always dated both men and women. Before meeting her husband she lived with her gf for 4 years and I of kind if thought they'd stay for life.

Things went sour and it ended and she then dated few people of both genders and then she met Him and that was it. They are perfect together in every sense. She wasn't looking, it just happened. They got married last year and both cried through their whole wedding ceremony.

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[hpocus]

I had one - who just got bored with me. Everyone else on the planet is more worthy of his time now apparently.

[Webgoji]

Originally Posted by Secretum

How will I know when I've found him/her (I'm pansexual).

In my opinion it begins ... begins ... when the relationship evolves to a point where both of you are consistently having your needs and wants met. At that point, you can begin to consider how your life will be with and without that person and start working on a mature and strong relationship from there.

Originally Posted by Secretum

I feel like in my quest to find the ideal mate, I need to comb the globe.

In my opinion, there is no such thing as the ideal mate. You need to be the ideal mate. Once you begin the mature relationship I mentioned above, your actions will teach the other person how to react to you and how to treat you. It will always be work, every day for the rest of the relationship. The key is understanding that you each have your foibles, that you won't always be perfect for each other and to revel in that imperfection.

Originally Posted by Secretum

I am looking for someone who is intelligent and creative, compassionate and ambitious. Someone who is so cute that it is almost impossible to deal with. Someone who understands my mental health struggles and doesn't judge me for them or think I'm fragile (I'd love to date another neurodivergent!). Someone who opens my mind to new concepts, music, books, films, life. Someone who pushes me to be a better person. Someone who is spiritual and has a personal relationship with God, but openminded. And someone with whom I can share a red-hot sexual attraction to.

I have a suggestion here. Let them be who they are instead of living up to a laundry list of requirements. They may be creative and intelligent, but maybe not so cute that you can't deal with it. Maybe they love literature and film, but aren't so good at spiritual connections.

Life can be an adventure. The other person isn't the end, but the beginning. Explore it all together; books, life, your spiritual relationships. Create that sexual attraction. Bring something to the relationship, grow together, you can't expect a person to be everything.

Originally Posted by Secretum

Is it possible to find a person who meets all of these criteria, or will I have to make compromises? I have yet to find a person who is all of that, but then again...I haven't met everyone in the world yet. For those of you who have found your perfect match, how much did you meet him/her? How long did it take before you knew you were in love? Did you meet him/her serendipitously, or were you searching like I am?

I've been married for 15 years and they've been wonderful. I make compromises every day as does my wife. Neither of us is perfect, but together we are. Neither of us was searching for the other, but we found each other. Over the years, our paths kept crossing and crossing and crossing. We had known each other since High School, but only started dating after our individual jagged roads through life left us going the same way. We dated for about a year and half, but I had fallen in love with her after about 6 months. That love has changed over the years though ... it's gotten stronger and more mature.

So watch the road you're on. That person will be on the same road with you if you just watch closely. Don't expect them to be who you want, but expect them to be who they are.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by hpocus

I had one - who just got bored with me. Everyone else on the planet is more worthy of his time now apparently.

He isn't perfect match if he got bored

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