Unconsciously sabotaging possible romantic relationships

I have a bad habit of ruining my chances of having a relationship. I really like the idea of having a boyfriend, having someone who would love me and care about me and someone who would see me as one of the most important persons in the world. But I seem to do my best to make this impossible.

Everytime someone shows that they're interested in me I freak out and make it clear that nothing's going to happen. Then again, there's this one guy who I've had sex with and tend to end up making out with when drunk, who I've ended up developing a crush on, even though he's made it clear he has no interest in being anything more than friends with me. And this is not the first time I've developed feelings for someone who isn't interested in me. But I never have any interest in the boys that are actually interested in me, so basically I'm sabotaging my own chances of ever having a romantic relationship.

This is a problem I've had since I was a teenager (I'm 22 now). I was sexually abused a bit over a year ago, which I think has made things worse, and after that I've also been sexually quite careless and had several one night stands (always safe sex though!), which obviously isn't helping the situation.

Has anyone else had a similar problem? How have you dealt with the situation?

Yeah I get pretty bad in romantic relationships it's a mess!! I'm 28 now and I have been going through it for years I've surprisingly had the same boyfriend for 2 1/2 years now and that is a long time looking at my dating record, I always felt it was easier to have a one night stand than to have regular sex in a relationship.

I still deal with this issue I mean I don't cheat on my boyfriend or want other men but I find it difficult on how to approach him for sex, at this point I only can if I had a drink or two to chill out. We go to couples therapy but I have a lot of issues we haven't even gotten to this part yet I have bpd that is our main focus. Anyway I deal with it by going to psychotherapy DBT and meds.

I'm not saying you have bpd or need meds!! I'm just giving you my story and know where you are coming from it is very frustrating and hard to go through but therapy is always a good try if you find it's bothering you for prolonged periods.

Thanks for the answer I'm in therapy, mostly because of my eating disorder and anxiety, but this stuff also comes up. Right now I'm trying to focus on not having one night stands, because they always make me feel bad and I regert it afterwards. Maybe I'm not in a place right now where I should even try to be in a relationship.

Hope everything goes well with you and your boyfriend!