Self Esteem & Dating Question

Well I normally never go on forums, but Im looking to get some advice, and especially females perspectives on some of my insecurities Im having to deal with now that Im divorced and having to get back into the dating scene again at some point.

Its a little embarrassing to even admit my insecurities but Ill lay it out plainly.
Im a 40 years old male. I keep finding the wrong women. I got married too quickly. But I think a lot of the reason why I settle is because of my own self image.

People tell me, at least used to tell me how attractive and handsome I am. That I wouldnt have any trouble finding the right one, or women to date, within my standards, and granted, if Im patient enough I usually find women Im semi attracted to. But I have never really found my "type" that Im most attracted to. Not that they are out of my league, but that I dont seem to have the self confidence in order to attract her. so I seem to settle as stated earlier.

So let me outright tell you my 2 major insecurities Im dealing with right now. 1. Im a shorter man. Im 5'7" and here in America, most women seem to have taller standards So when I see an attractive woman, in my sub-conscious mind I automatically assume she wouldnt give me the time or day based on my stature alone. ...I know, to some this sounds absurd! Because I do know women where height is not a factor. But this is the one hang up Ive had since my early 20's. Its effected me to no limit and has limited me to pursue the type of things and women that Ive always desired.

2. This one may sound very stuck up, or vain, or into myself, but as you now know, I really dont think those things about myself. I dont think Im better then anyone else, or too good etc... But here it is. I used to get looked at, and noticed a lot in public by women when I was younger. Ive been told I can model among many other things by many women in my past.
Now I really dont look much older as Im aging gracefully. I probably look maybe 35 to most. Yet Im noticing that women dont seem to notice me anymore. I have above average looks, and Im in decent shape, yet when Im in public, I feel like the invisible man. I know this may sound corny or even childish or vain, but I think I search for reassurance that Im good enough and that I "still have it" with women when Im in public. But Im just not seeing it anymore. I really dont know why. I look at other men around me, and some less attractive men have beautiful women hanging on them, yet Im alone and invisible. Its so strange to me. So I tend to think that maybe I really dont have it anymore like I used to. Maybe Im not handsome. Maybe Im just too damn short, etc...

So as a result from my number 2 insecurity, I start to think of reasons why Im not being noticed, or approached etc...and as in my number 1 insecurity, I start blaming my height, thinking women take one good look at me and pass me by just based on my stature alone. They dont even notice my handsome face or body thats in shape. BUT Im not saying this is the reason because obviously I cannot read their minds. Thats just my insecurity telling me that.

SO really what it boils down to in all this is that my insecurities are coming out of the closet because I am now divorced and Im thinking about dating again. I have set standards in both looks and personality that I seek in women who I would want to date, yet from my insecurities, it makes it difficult to get and show the type of self confidence that women need in order to even consider me a potential prospect.

Really I just need to know that I AM good enough for the type of women I am attracted to, handsome enough, and that my height or any other superficial thing will not be an issue as I get back into the dating scene. Now I hear from others the cliched answer that I just have to be happy with myself, my looks, and my height, which is true. But not that easy, especially when its ingrained in my head.

So there you have it. Thats what Im dealing with right now. When Im in public, Im tormented in my mind how invisible I am (or at least feel). Im not saying NOONE notices me because I know that women are very good at disguising when they notice someone, but I just dont see it like I used to. Again Im not a snobbish, thinking Im better then others type of guy at all. Im very humble, down to earth, and a hard working guy that just has a couple tormenting insecurities that needs attention.

Thanks for your time. Its greatly appreciated in letting me vent here. If you have any wise or helpful comments, it would be very welcome

Welcome to Psych Central. I am so sorry you are suffering from low self esteem and dating issues. What kind of therapy are you considering to get help with this?

Lfestyle changes that help me are doing yoga, exercises, mindfulness, calm music, and being active on Psych Central.

There are lots of compassionate people here that can make the load lighter by sharing and caring. Feel free to participate actively at Psych Central.

Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

It's possible you are noticed less now because the women in your age range just aren't looking to date because they're already in relationships. I'm not sure if partnered women really look at men the same way heterosexual men look at women. I wouldn't let that bother me. When we're young we tend to look more at prospective mates and partners but not so much after the 20s and early 30s, at least in my experience.

I'd work on the self esteem issues. Have you considered therapy?

Well as we get older people don't always notice us as much that is normal. I am almost 50 and clearly am not being looked at as much as when I was 25. That's the reality! As about height. Sure if you were 5'0"" i would sympathize. 5'7"" isn't a big deal. I am 5'2" and man your height is just fine.

If you have low self esteem it has nothing to do with your height or not being looked at. It comes from within. Are you in therapy?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Robert Redford is 5'7". I wouldnt kick him out of bed!!

Don't buy into your insecurities when you find yourself interested in someone. YOU may be insecure about your height, and you may THINK women don't notice you... but, that's only your opinion. It's in your mind. It doesn't mean the woman, or other people, see you that way at all. Whenever you start to feel those insecurities rise up, do something to counter-act them. Use it as an impetus to talk to a woman sometime. Or smile at a woman as you walk by, say hello.
What you project outwardly can help change what you think inwardly. We are what we think.

Lol he is? I never knew! Oh yeah I hear you!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Hello and welcome to Psych Central Bookstar!!! It's nice to meet you. You have joined a community of warm and caring members who will want to offer you support and advice. Yours is welcome as well.

Please feel free to contact any community liaison or moderator by left clicking on their name in blue to the left of their post if you need help navigating the forums. It will take some time for your first five posts to appear as they are being evaluated and then you will be able to join chats.

I'm sorry for your struggles. I think that as men and women age they start looking more at what's on the inside of a person as opposed to what's on the outside. Give a beautiful smile and say hello. That will show a woman you're interested. Open the door for her. Let her see your inner beauty. Women aren't as hung up on looks as you would like to think. They are looking for a "good man." You'll find we have a safe and supportive community. I'm glad you've joined us.

I look forward to seeing you around!!!