[smilesneverlast]

My mom died when I was a young child and I lived with my grandparents since then. She was a very loving woman and family & friends of our family always told me how much I resemble her and how she also loved to write. I just don't understand why when I grew older, some family members started saying hurtful things to me and about me (within earshot) to other people. I am a very sensitive and emotional person especially since I carry my mother's death with me still, even though she's been dead for 14 years now.

I've been made to feel like I'm the black sheep of my family although I am sure there are other members who have actually done worse things than I have. They just don't understand how hurtful their words have been to me. There have been times when I'll break down and cry and become angry with myself and repeat those same words to myself knowing none of it is true. But it's embedded into my mind and I can't shake it that easily.

I wish they knew how much their words stung when they spoke them to me. I remember a lot and although I moved away from home earlier this year, those words have followed me. I try not to let them get to me since I'm trying to start a life of my own out here. Just gets hard sometimes, especially when I receive texts from some of them saying they love and miss me. Hard to believe them when they're the same people who cursed me and shamed me for being me.

Just needed to vent somewhere...

[healingme4me]

Have you considered talking with them about why they said those things? Perhaps the space away is what was needed.

[Harmacy]

I think you've done the right thing moving away. Sometimes you need to get away from family, physically and emotionally, so you can find yourself and come back stronger if you choose to.

It's not about abandoning them, it's about finding yourself.

I say this as someone who's been harassed by a family member who very recently said they were "ashamed to be related to me". It would have bothered me a few years back but now I felt distanced from it. It's their issue, not mine and I don't feel ashamed of myself or responsible for their shame.

[Harmacy]

This is a helpful wiki page about psychological manipulation.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psycho...l_manipulation

[smilesneverlast]

There's no talking with them, they just like to yell and make their voices louder than yours. It seems like it comes natural to them, mostly the older females in my family (aunts & grandmother) and one uncle who voiced his honest opinion about me at a family holiday dinner.

None of them have ever apologized to me for hurting me, even after I start crying after hearing what they're saying to me or about me.

And I honestly do feel a bit more free and loose from their vicious words since making this move. I'm able to live my life free of harassment from people who are supposed to support and love you.

To Harmacy, I hope that one day I can no longer be bothered by them either. It'll be a long process, I know, but it'll happen one day.

I'll have to read up on that, thanks for the link.