[Bebegirl]

We broke up in January after 14 years. His alcoholism and depressions engulfed his world. It became a chaotic world of brief sobriety between rehab stays and hospitalizations. Every one scattered and I felt trapped. No longer in love but fiercely loyal I prayed that he could be successful and embrace some plan for sobriety. As I write he is on yet another bender. His new gift wants no part of it and I'm coaching him through to the goal...a month long intensive program for duel problems. All of this is draining me and deepening my mild depression. Hoping this site will give me feedback and support. My family is tired of this tale.

[Rose76]

I fell in love with an alcoholic. So I've got some experience with this. What helped me a lot was what I learned from Al-Anon. The main lesson I got out of it was to not try to run his life for him. I know all about being fiercely loyal. A lot of that "loyalty" is an excuse to meddle in someone else's life.

So you are "coaching" this man, whom you no longer love, to a goal. Stop it. Don't appoint yourself his coach. Worry about your own goal of handling your depression. Stop trapping yourself in a situation where you are trying to manage someone else's life. You have more than enough to do managing your own. Stop keeping track of his drinking . . . whether he's on a bender, or not.

He may decide that he does not want to commit to sobriety. That is his right. The biggest thing you need to learn is that his drinking is his business, not yours.

This is a hard philosophy to embrace when we stubbornly insist that we are helping our alcoholic survive. It took me 12 years to let go. Best decision I ever made.

[divine1966]

I left an alcoholic last year, we have been together close to 9 years. He is a good person but his drinking just killed me and my feelings. He still drinks by the way. He still asks me to come back. It is always same cycle

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[Pumpkin Coach]

I have a fiancee and sister both with alcoholism and it really wears me down mentally to deal with either or both of them on any given day, along with my elderly control freak mother. Which forum or group do I belong in here? I just joined today.
Thanks for any help in advance.