[SarahSweden]

I have a female friend who recently became a mum. We have seen each other for several times since the child was born, the child is now a few months old. She knows since way back that I´m not that interested in kids and that I probably don´t want to have kids.

She now told me she doesn´t think I´m interested or engaged enough in her child and by that she doesn´t want to meet with me. She hasn´t told me yet she doesn´t want to be friends anymore but when I told her I can´t pretend to be more interested in her child than I actually am she didn´t know how we could continue to see each other.

She seems to demand some kind of "lowest level" of engagement into her child and she doesn´t seem to think we can still hang out as two adults. She lives together with the childs´ father and by that she has a baby-sitter if she wants to go to a movie or something like that.

I have showed interest in her and her child, like talking about the birth of the child and so on but she wants me to "get to know" her child, to look at it more and I really don´t have that big interest in her child to do that.

From my point of view I think she has to respect that I´m not that into kids and she also has several other friends who are more interested in kids and to associate around kids.

Anyone else who experienced this?

[healingme4me]

She may find herself regretting not tending to a friendship that allows for her to be just who she is, without being in a mindset where her child is the center of her universe.
She's fortunate to have an opportunity to have time to herself with a supportive partner.
Not sure what advice to really give, where it's her pushing you away for not passing some test of sorts. Sorry to read that you are going through this.

[LikeABoomerang]

Hmmm... if this is her first child and the baby is only a few months old... right now, that baby is her WHOLE world. Its difficult for a new mother to separate themselves from their babies, so expecting her to want to leave a new baby at home (even though its with dad) to go to the movies or whatever, is a bit unrealistic (I wouldn't leave my son with his grandparents - father not in picture - for any length of time until he was around 8 or 9 months). Right now, you just need to accept that she is in love with that new baby, her entire world has done a 180 and her new identity is being a mom. She doesn't have the time or desire for people or activities that exclude her baby. In time, this will change and she'll be dying for a break from the kid, but right now, a baby that's only a few months old is her only priority. I say just give her some time, she'll hopefully remember later on down the road when she isn't so preoccupied with a new baby that there is in fact a life outside of baby. Also have patience and don't hold it against her or judge her to harshly for expecting more interest out of you. She'll figure out sooner or later what an unrealistic expectation it is.

[hannabee]

Unless you have a child of your own, you will never experience what she is. Just a fact of life. LikeaBommerang is spot on...she is IN LOVE with her baby. Doesn't mean she can't be your friend. Hang in there . Big hug!

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Children are incredibly boring until about age three when they get more interesting, but are still heavy going until say 12. God knows how parents put up with it - it must be something to do with instincts or humanity would have died out.

Until then you have to pretend to be interested in the little tyke's exploits and exclaim how much she has grown and so on.

Your friendship will never be the same but it is worth hanging on for a few years until she turns the corner.