[MadKitty]

weird as this my sound - but cant men and women just be friends???

this guy and i have friends for a while now - just friends really, coffee, the odd email, forwarded mail etc....general chats about life, about families, advice on work, on friends, nothing on relationships or anything....we are work collegues - different branches...

all of a sudden yesterday he tells me "i think it is best we stop speaking to each other" please, please tell me you accept and respect my decision (which i tell him i do) on this. i will explain everything to tomorrow (being today) - i havent heard anything from him since....

i dont know what to make of it.....

[Perna]

Maybe you became something more to him or someone else got upset and doesn't believe men and women can be friends. That's too bad if you lose him as a friend, sounds very nice. Maybe later, whatever it is will pass by and you can be friends again. I don't believe any friendship is ever "lost."

[AlteredState01]

Personally, I think men and women can just be friends. I have had several relationships with the opposite sex that were PURELY platonic, however, I do believe that they are a rare occurrence in most peoples' lives.

I suspect that this guy may have thought there was more to this relationship than there actually was, on one side or the other. Or, maybe, he was worried about the impression other's were getting from your being friends. People often like to impress their own view of things onto a situation, especially in the workplace.

Is he married? Are you? If either of you are, did your respective spouses know of this friendship?

My bf knows of my relationship with my male friend. He has met him many times and knows about the conversations we have - it's all about our "insanities" - something he is not really interested in discussing continually, like we do.

We have both talked about our mutual non-attraction to each other, too, which I believe makes a big difference in our ability to maintain a platonic relationship. Both know that there is no chance of this relationship veering off in that direction. It's really rather comforting to know this - for me anyway.

In your case, the suspicious side of me thinks he had something to hide, and it now sounds like whatever he hid, has now been revealed.

AS

[Wants2Fly]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
MadKitty said:
weird as this my sound - but cant men and women just be friends???

1. Hormones and pheromones

2. Social norms and public appearances

3. Jealousy and misunderstanding by others with whom we have prior commitments.

[SeptemberMorn]

I truly believe that a man and a woman CAN be friends. I had two very good male friends in the workplace years ago. As far as I know, only one person, my manager, mistook our relationship for something it wasn't.

You see, he had been overseas working and had come back. He found me in the "typing pool" and surprised me. Of course, I jumped up and hugged him and he gave me a peck on the cheek. My manager was livid! She told me I should keep my "boyfriends" outside of work. She ate some crow when one of the other girls told her he was the engineer that had been working overseas and that I had been his secretary before he left. My manager cleared her throught, readjusted in her seat and said a very quiet "Oh." Did my heart good!

She never said a word when he'd come take me out of the typing pool to do some work for him.

[Direction]

I'm still out on this one - trying to unbrainwash what "type" of woman is desireable in mainstream. I'm currently developing a friendship with one person - who we are both looking for that right person - possibly in each other.

When you do develop such an intimate friendship - one of the friends may end up wanting more...

I think something happened that it was abrupt - Altered had some good questions to consider.

[donafelipa]

I think a man and woman can be friends....very much so. But maybe that's my age (56) talking. At any rate, it's what I want most out of a relationship with a man/men/women, etc. Maybe this fellow was out of sorts for the day and made a rash decision. Many of us do that and then regret it. Leave the door open and see if he walks back in on his
own?

[MadKitty]

Finally i have my answer....

i questioned him on friday and received no answer - this morning when i got to work i had an email....

This is what it said

I was off on Friday. Thats why i did'nt respond to your e-mail.

The reasoning behind my decision is as follows - You're a married woman, and under normal cicumstances, this would not bother me, but you being who you are, it hurts just knowing that I will never be able to hold you in my arms and i'll never really be able to make u mine. You might find it strange that i feel this way, but the truth is that i also think its weird. You are not like the other chicks that hang with me. They're a bunch of air-heads who just wana be noticed and is only looking for a nice time. You seem to see thru my ******** and put me on my place when neccessary. Also, you can hold your own. You aint no pushover. But most importantly, u make me larf. U really do.

So, if i will never HAVE you, then rather just give up. And being friends is not an option, cos i'll always wana get into ur pants and the rejection......well, we won't go there.

ANOTHER CHAPTER CLOSES IN MADKITTY'S LIFE

i really dont want to loose him as a friend - he seems to be the only person who is able to put me on my place when i am being a total jerk....other ppl are too scared to do this...

and the answer is yes, my hubby knows about him....they havent officially met....but i dont keep secrets from him.

[AlteredState01]

So sorry, Madkitty. It is such a drag when a relationship, especially a good one, veers off in directions we don't want them to go.

At least this friend was honest enough with you about his feelings BEFORE trouble occured (meaning, he could have allowed his feelings to get out of control and pursued you regardless of your marital status, making things much worse for both of you).

Maybe the relationship can continue, since he has admitted his feeling and gets a handle on them. I'd give him time and space, though.

Oh, you hottie, you!!!

AS

[Rhapsody]

My thoughts would be that either.......

(1) He started to care for you more than he wanted to.

<font color="red"> "OR" </font>

(2) He has a special someone in his life now - and she is not comfortable with this relationship.

my friend has real problem with this she will be friends with a guy and she doesnt flirt or anything to lead them to think other than friends apply and well they always seem to want more in the end and then hate her and stop the friendship when she explains that they are just friends to her
and they mite be ashamed of the rejection or embarresed whatever
but yeah just wanted to throw it in there that she has the issue of the topic.......

hope u can work it out madkitty

[MadKitty]

Well i havent spoken to him since monday....so i am letting him be....if he wants to .... he knows where to get in touch with me....i dont get it actually if i mean so much to wouldnt being friends with me be okay...maybe i just think differently...i wouldnt want to loose someone i care about, just cos i have feelings for that person...

(((madkitty)))

whatever his reasons they will never make sense to lose such a great person as urself....

[MadKitty]

Thanks i appreciate you saying this....

yet i cant make sense of him.....

the day i can understand ppls actions will be a grand day indeed....

((madkitty))

how i wish i understood half of what went on in this world..