Recently hurt and hurting

I have received some very angry words . My daughter's anger is out of control. We were doing better. We both have been trying but a recent event has taken us back to the anger and division of last summer. The pain inside me feels intolerable . It is so hard to think of another reconciliation in light of all these past efforts. She really went after me. The accusations are usually about things I haven't really done. They just come out of her own unhappiness . She is fifty five and still just lets it go no matter who gets damaged. I am very damaged this time. Her horrible words and attitudes have hurt me to the core. I read and I think it is true that you can't take your own negative junk and think you can make yourself feel better by taking it out on others. This is tough after a lifetime of love. A rocky relationship for sure but we always used to come back together. This feels so horrible and permanent . It hurts and I feel stymied to work it out.

I'm so sorry for your pain.

In the past, how did reconciliations come about?

I just kept on trying to do right. I kept on remembering birthdays and special occasions and sending her pictures of her favorite people. I have already arranged for her and her husband to receive flowers for their upcoming anniversary. However, the hurt is still there. I wish she would just apologise and help me a little. My husband and pastor said to keep on doing and I was afraid after so many years of doing that that the message of silence would be too strong. However, she has hurt me more than I can really stand. I am still stymied because I really can't even talk to her. I know that she is ill and hurting but I also have been and that for a long time, I have tried to tell her of the struggle and pains but it just seems to make her madder. I am about to turn 76 years old and I am hurting. Hard to find a heart there.

(((((PianogirlPlays)))))

I'm so sorry. It sounds like you feel so alone and helpless in trying to reach her and deal with the pain.

Sounds like she has trouble handling her emotions and doesn't know what to do with yours.

You sound conflicted between the encouragement you're getting from your husband and pastor to keep trying and feeling like you're done with being hurt and don't want to subject yourself to it any longer. It doesn't have to be all or nothing forever. I'd encourage you to step back, disengage from her, take some time to heal from the hurt. Then see. xo

Yes, I need to keep some hope open. Need to also figure out how to take care of myself in all these different situations. My counselor is encouraging me to do those things that help me. In spite of pain I am trying.