[lovethesun]

I wanted to get some ideas from you all about what you think of a situation. My daughter had a tough year in school last year due to a toxic friendship that came to an explosive end with me contacting the principal of the school and getting the guidance counselors involved. She endured mind games, taunting, rudeness, etc from a girl (I'll call Jane) for many months, always trying to ignore the girl, roll it off her back, telling her it's wrong to be rude....all the usual stuff you try to do when you want to handle a toxic relationship in a diplomatic way. Jane never got the point. Jane treats other girls this way as well as evidenced by the fact that I've heard other parents complain about Jane. So the end of this school year comes and it's time to attend the end of year awards ceremony for the students....and guess what......Jane wins one of only 2 awards given out by the Optimist Club for.....get this.....being a true Optimist for always having a smile on her face and bringing out the best in other students. REALLY???? Now, it could be that her parents are on the board of the local Optimist Club, but WOW! And the very principal that handled the dispute that I brought to the school's attention handed Jane this award. Seriously???? I felt like I was in the middle of a Seinfeld episode. I'm all for kids getting awards that deserve them. I'm the first one to stand and clap for any child. But I was shocked to see Jane get an award for helping others when in fact it's been the polar opposite. What in the world happened? What do you all think?

[*Laurie*]

I think that much of life feels like being in a Seinfeld episode. Lots of irony and plenty of just plain unfair.

[LikeABoomerang]

Probably has a lot to do with her parents being on the board. Is she the manipulative type? I found growing up that the meanest most manipulative popular girls in my highschool were often rewarded the most by teachers, principals, etc for being really nice and helpful. Why? Cause they put on a smile and chatted up the teachers or other adults. And really they were often the worst to their peers. Its all what the teachers are hearing and seeing. A hundred students could tell them that that individual is making their life a living hell, if shes nice and sweet to the teachers, they won't believe it or blame it on something the victims are doing. My son had to deal with this last year too and hes only in grade four. I could apply the same thing to my last job.

[unaluna]

Omg. Well maybe some positive reinforcement will help her change for the better. The carrot not the stick, ya know?

[lovethesun]

Originally Posted by LikeABoomerang

Probably has a lot to do with her parents being on the board. Is she the manipulative type? I found growing up that the meanest most manipulative popular girls in my highschool were often rewarded the most by teachers, principals, etc for being really nice and helpful. Why? Cause they put on a smile and chatted up the teachers or other adults. And really they were often the worst to their peers. Its all what the teachers are hearing and seeing. A hundred students could tell them that that individual is making their life a living hell, if shes nice and sweet to the teachers, they won't believe it or blame it on something the victims are doing. My son had to deal with this last year too and hes only in grade four. I could apply the same thing to my last job.

Interesting you mentioned manipulative. The answer is yes, Jane is very manipulative. She loves to chat up adults whether it's a parent, teacher, principal, bus driver, anyone. So, you're right. The only thing the teachers and principal see are this smiling face that's so eager to talk to them and ask them about their day and kiss their butt. To her peers, when the teachers aren't looking, Jane is a rude nightmare. Scary to think of the kind of adult she'll be.

[eskielover]

Scary to think of the kind of adult she'll be.

Unfortunately we see a lot of these adults out in the real world doing the same thing they learned to do as a kid & the reinforcement works to reinforce their bad behavior not to change it because the award is reinforcing THAT BEHAVIOR.

Well maybe some positive reinforcement will help her change for the better. The carrot not the stick,

Unfortunately people like that don't change unless they are hit over the head that their behavior is WRONG. You don't train a dog by reinforcing their bad behaviors hoping they will change....reinforcing only strengthens the bad behavior.......it doesn't work any different for people......something has to knock them into awareness & it's usually it takes something pretty dramatic or traumatic to get their attention.

[divine1966]

I teach high school. Oh yeah I hear you. Unfortunately popular kids are often the ones recognized and just because they are popular, nothing else. No matter if they are not very nice.

our students are kind of lucky as we are a very small high school and everyone knows everyone so it is unlikely nasty kids get awarded. We don't have as much bullying for the Same reason.

For the same reason my daughter didn't want to go to large cookie cutter huge like a factory high school and went to a small one.

My niece was bullied in middle school so badly that my brother had to transfer her to a different school. And the reason she was bullied is that she doesn't wear ugh boots or other similar trendy clothes. Oh please

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Mygrandjourney]

Reminds me of Eddie Haskell from "Leave it to Beaver"

[healingme4me]

I guess it sounds like we're talking about the movie 'Mean Girls'? Sorry that your daughter was harrassed at school and that the person that harassed her was rewarded. Life's like that, it seems..

I guess from my perspective, I'd ask why does it really matter? And is it a generalization about all those that are personable and friendly? Kind of triggering from a woman who went through a backlash from my stepmother and live with a 25 year old scar on my wrist...

[~Christina]

I think I would use this as a learning expierence for your daughter.

Cold reality of the world..... its full of people like "Jane" I have never worked for a company with more than 5 employees that didn't have a "Jane type" It's sad pathetic and ridiculous.

But everyone has to learn how to navigate waters with ugly humans in it.

[lovethesun]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I think I would use this as a learning expierence for your daughter.

Cold reality of the world..... its full of people like "Jane" I have never worked for a company with more than 5 employees that didn't have a "Jane type" It's sad pathetic and ridiculous.

But everyone has to learn how to navigate waters with ugly humans in it.

Yep....already started plucking pages from the book of Jane's behavior and started teaching my daughter. Sadly, being a manipulative jerk comes naturally to some people and they are very good at it, like Jane. Being compassionate and empathetic towards others comes naturally to my daughter, but apparently people like that don't win Optimist awards. What a crappy world we live in.