Hey,

Need a good moan again..

I've been feeling really alone and 'abandoned' the last few days. I've been waiting for over a week for my therapist to email me back. I wrote to her about feeling anxious when I received a summary of my recent doctor's appointment. I don't blame my therapist for not getting back to me sooner as I can't even afford to pay for her time at the moment - she's just agreed to be there for me despite that, so I think I should just be grateful she's willing to help me at all. But I think the problem is she's really the only person I can share everything with..

To be frank, I feel like my friends don't care. I haven't heard from them for ages. They never really ask how I'm doing, or if they do, they don't really want to hear it - it feels like they're just asking because you're 'supposed to', and if I tell them something they're not comfortable with, they'll tell me not to think about it, to not feel it. It's maddening! For a while now, I've been making 'deals' with them (like my therapist adviced me to do) so that I can contact them with whatever, and then tell them what to say or do, what I need - but I'm so tired of that! I'm sick of always having to explain to people what I need, begging them to notice me - surely they'd ask me how I'm doing and what I need if they really cared?!

Since I suffer from really bad social phobia, I can't even just go out there and make new friends! I feel trapped and like I'm suffocating.. Of course, I can share here on PS and I'm SO grateful for that, but of course, I also wish for that more immediate connection with someone where I could just say what's on my mind and they could hug me as soon as they see I'm not doing OK..

[divine1966]

I am sending you hugs and support. Making friends is hard. I know it's not the same but we are here for you.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[ProudlyPersevering]

I am sorry you are feeling that way. I know how hard that is. Have you reached out and called or texted a friend. I have a friend and when they struggle with depression they isolate and I fight hard to stay in touch but it is difficult to know what to say. Maybe if you reach out and make small talk it can start a talk and help.

ProudlyPersevering, I haven't contacted my friends lately because I know what they'd say.. I've tried talking to them in the past, but one got fed up with me, another one told me she can't stay present and support her friends when it comes to certain emotions, and the one friend I have left seems to be getting fed up with me as well..

I'd just like to have something real, you know.. Friendships where neither person needs to beg to be noticed - where people are genuinely interested in one another - I feel that's what a friendship is! But I guess it just hasn't been in the cards for me..

Thank you all, though, it feels good to just be able to share..

[ProudlyPersevering]

I understand! I have a friend who is struggling right now so I am on the other side. I keep checking in and trying to do what is best and to be there but they are not being as open as they were. Maybe if you talk to the friend that is getting fed up, see what is going on in her head, listen to what she has to say about it and then share. I would give alot if my friend would share just a little bit. I am lost.
Your right friendship is where both people care. There are times where one or the other has struggles and you support them. Maybe your friend has something now too? I don't know but wish I could help.

You can always share here! I really understand, I want real too!!!