[rukspc]

I recently signed up for a dating site and connected with a few people. For the first guy, we agreed to meet next week to go for a nice walk and get to know each other. I quickly changed my mind to meet for coffee instead and now I don't even know if I want to meet up. How do I cancel without being a jerk?

I think I just put more stress on myself. He seems nice and has been very polite and maybe he is genuinely interested. We've been getting to know each other but there's something about him that just doesn't sit right with me. My gut keeps telling me that something is going to happen.

There's another guy that's been cool. He and I have exchanged messages about travel and our hobbies, goals and future plans. He seems polite and easy to talk to and I like him so far. I initiated it and asked him to meet soon but he says he's currently serving overseas and won't be back for a month, but when he does return, we could go out. We added each other on FB and I've seen photos of him overseas and for the most part, he seems to be telling the truth.

Are these red flags? What should I do? Am I overthinking it and being insecure?

I feel really dumb and fooled. I am new to this online thing and it just seems ridiculous that I'm stressing over nothing. Please help!

[CANDC]

I am totally unaware of what to do with online dating. I feel like it would be so hard to feel comfortable meeting someone I had not chatted and phoned for several months. Maybe it might be a good time to find out intentions if that is possible and still be somewhat discreet. I like the idea of needing more time let's talk on the phone. If they say no that is a sign to me that they want to step on the gas and you sound like you want to put on the brakes.

I would stay in comfort zone and have more time talking if it were me. But it is your call. What are you think of?

[scorpiosis37]

I take the opposite approach of CANDC. I try to meet in person as soon as possible, after I establish that they meet my criteria and are looking for the same things that I am. The reason for that is that I don't want to waste my time messaging or develop an emotional attachment unless I know that (1) they are who they say they are, (2) there is chemistry in person, and (3) they are serious about meeting and, if we click, building a real relationship. A lot of people online are flakes, just want to text endlessly, are lying about who they are, or are trying to find something "on the side." I don't want to waste my time with any of that, so I just want to meet in person-- like good, old fashioned dating-- and see if there enough of a match to THEN take the time to get to one another at a comfortable pace. I don't like to move quickly either, but I do like to meet soon othwrwsie I could be wasting my time with someone I would never actually like in "real life." Just meet in a public place, tell friends where you're going to be, and don't let yourself be alone with them. Just meet at a busy coffee shop/restaurant and see if there's a connection. In my own experience, I click with maybe 5% of the people I meet. I actually went on a first date tonight, and it was fairly good. I like her enough to go on a second date. It wasn't an immediate OMG I'm seeing stars, but she was nice and I hope to get to know her better and see if something develops.

[iwonderaboutstuff]

I haven't done online dating, being married and all lol, but I support scorpiosis37's approach. A couple back and forth messages to see if you connect beyond profiles, then in person sooner.

As for the guy you want to cancel with... "I need to cancel with you. I realized I jumped into this online dating thing before I was ready. Wishing you all the best." The end. If he replies with anything other than an acknowledgement type message, do not respond. There is no need to continue a dialogue.

[hannabee]

Whatever you do, please be VERY careful when meeting strange men!! Make sure someone knows what you are doing. Good luck!

[divine1966]

Meet during the day in s public place find out his last name and work place and google him before meeting. If he refuses to be open kick him to the curb

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[rukspc]

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

I take the opposite approach of CANDC. I try to meet in person as soon as possible, after I establish that they meet my criteria and are looking for the same things that I am. The reason for that is that I don't want to waste my time messaging or develop an emotional attachment unless I know that (1) they are who they say they are, (2) there is chemistry in person, and (3) they are serious about meeting and, if we click, building a real relationship. A lot of people online are flakes, just want to text endlessly, are lying about who they are, or are trying to find something "on the side." I don't want to waste my time with any of that, so I just want to meet in person-- like good, old fashioned dating-- and see if there enough of a match to THEN take the time to get to one another at a comfortable pace. I don't like to move quickly either, but I do like to meet soon othwrwsie I could be wasting my time with someone I would never actually like in "real life." Just meet in a public place, tell friends where you're going to be, and don't let yourself be alone with them. Just meet at a busy coffee shop/restaurant and see if there's a connection. In my own experience, I click with maybe 5% of the people I meet. I actually went on a first date tonight, and it was fairly good. I like her enough to go on a second date. It wasn't an immediate OMG I'm seeing stars, but she was nice and I hope to get to know her better and see if something develops.

Thanks. I'm meeting two people next week and im already having second thoughts about the first one. I feel incredibly dumb for jumping head first without thinking.

I read in an article once that it's important to know and focus on whether I like that person rather than if the person likes me. It changes perspective.

I'm not good at this thing and it's new to me, but I can sort of tell when someone genuinely wants to meet me or get to know me or just wants to text endlessly. Some people leave flattering messages and some are really nice. But my main thing is I tend to fall too fast and I don't want to do that again. It makes me look so foolish, stupid and gullible. Sometimes it's hard to tell whether someone is truly being genuine vs someone who knows how to sweet talk their way around.

I'm trying to put myself out there and I've been on dates before trying an online thing. I've met guys through mutual friends but never connected with anyone. And the guys I'm interested in only want a certain type. I don't want to wait around to find someone but i also feel like I'm forcing energy into finding a boyfriend that it almost feels unnatural.