[Ble68]

My identical twin sister and I were always inseperable. We are 24 now and when we were 16, she started dating a friend of ours. He instantly became jealous, controlling, and possessive. It seemed like he was jealous of my twin’s and my relationship and wanted him all to herself. He would do anything to get her away from me. Once we went to college, we pretty much quit having anything to do with eachother for the next couple years. She was unhappy in her relationship and I finally talked her into leaving her boyfriend. I also introduced her to a friend of mine. They instantly started dating and became serious. He basically became just like her old boyfriend but even worse. He is so jealous of anything I have that he doesn’t and seriously hates me. My twin sister is very self-conscious and has no self-esteem. He makes all the decisions for her and controls everything. They have now been married for a couple years and everyone in my family hates him. She never talks to anyone in my family and he won’t let her be alone with me. If I want to do anything with her (even shopping) he has to come. I’ve been begging her since she got married to spend a weekend with just me and her but he always makes excuses for her not to see me. I am so extremely hurt and I feel like I she doesn’t care about me anymore. Every time I ask her to do something with me, I get my hopes up Then, when she says no, I end up crying and upset. I feel like I have been mourning the loss of my twin for the last two years. I don’t know how to handle the situation…I’ve tried to talk to her about it but she shuts down and gets pissed off and tells him everything. I don’t want to push her away even more but I can’t handle feeling like this. She has hurt me more than she could ever know. Should I just quit trying and move on? Should I distance myself from her? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

[Little Lulu]

Welcome to PC Ble68. You titled this 'twin sister doesn't want anything to do with me' but I wonder if it only feels that way because her husband is restricting her time with you and your family. It may have more to do with him and less to do with her. That said, you are grieving your loss and your twin is very much in the middle here ... very painful for both of you. I hope you seek some counseling to work through this.

Meanwhile, you may have to make do with shopping with your sister and her husband tagging along if you want to see her. Not ideal but it is what it is and a little acceptance will bring you some peace.

[CosmicRose]

It really sounds to me like she's almost being held emotionally hostage by these men, so its not that she "doesn't want to have anything to do with you", it's that she literally can't. How can she? If her husband is as controlling as you say he is. What if he's physically abusing her as well? What if she needs help? So no, don't stop trying.