I've been noticing that I have an attraction to female psychopaths, killers, sadists, and other kinds of crazy women and I'm unsure why.

Nearly every woman that I've ever dated has turned out to either be a full blown Narcissist or have had strong psychopathic tendencies. Even all of my female friends show these symptoms. The only girl that I regularly talk to currently for example hates society so much that she want's an apocalypse to happen and wipe most of humanity out and she hates most people and calls them subhuman because shes an abuse, torture, and rape survivor and I'm turned on both by that way of thinking and by how damaged she is.

Real or fantasy it doesn't matter. I find them sexually arousing and I can't explain why. A few of TV/movie characters that I can think of is the girl from American Psycho 2 and that Amanda chick from Saw 2/3, and Emily Thorne from the TV show Revenge.

I also play a lot of video games where you get to play as the bad guy and I enjoy it more than the good guys. Lately, I've been playing a Star Wars MMO where you can play as the Sith and I've been playing a female Sith Assassin with the most awesome voice acting ever and a rather sexy scream and cry when she's attacked who goes around and tortures people who don't bend to her will with lightning and kills people for the fun of it and I find it awesome and hot for some reason and I don't know why.

In short, could the type of women that I'm attracted to have something to do with trauma or past abuse or another underlying problem that I have?

[A Red Panda]

Okies. This is rather a loaded thread, but I am going to attempt to throw out some ideas/guesses for you.

Based on the posts you've made so far here on PC..... you sorta tend to try to shun emotions. It would make sense that you would also be attracted to other people who don't show too much emotion - and that you might consider other people who do show them to be weak. If they don't show emotion, and you don't show emotion, then there isn't any vulnerability.

At the same time? Someone you consider "damaged" might be attractive to you because you could always have something to fall back on to prove that they aren't superior to you. It would give you a lift in regards to power/control.

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

Okies. This is rather a loaded thread, but I am going to attempt to throw out some ideas/guesses for you.

Based on the posts you've made so far here on PC..... you sorta tend to try to shun emotions. It would make sense that you would also be attracted to other people who don't show too much emotion - and that you might consider other people who do show them to be weak. If they don't show emotion, and you don't show emotion, then there isn't any vulnerability.

At the same time? Someone you consider "damaged" might be attractive to you because you could always have something to fall back on to prove that they aren't superior to you. It would give you a lift in regards to power/control.

First off thanks for putting up with me man and I'm sorry if I was a **** to you in another thread. You seem to genuinely want to help even though I seem to be a monster who is unworthy of it.

With that being said, you make a valid point and your reply is surely thought provoking to say the least

I don't think people who show emotions are weak BTW. It can be a weakness if you show them to people you don't trust, but in the end, everybody has a weakness of some kind. In fact, there are sometimes that I want to cry and wish I had a shoulder to cry on, but I hold my emotions in and avoid showing them to anybody but myself.

Anyways, I've been torturing myself by staying awake and thinking about these things regularly. I've been up for a really long time so I must apologize if I am sounding like a blabbering idiot right now

[A Red Panda]

I don't really let myself cry in front of people either - for the same reason - the feeling of weakness/vulnerability/lack of trust.

Although I've never ended up in a relationship with anyone I'd consider to be abusive, narcissitic, or a sociopath (if someone reminds me of my family I would bolt, so pretty good prevention there!) but I do tend to end up in relationships with relatively emotionally-unavailable men.

I then end up being the emotional wreck because I keep trying to find a healthy balance... which is kind of impossible to do when the other person is unavailable. haha. I don't LOOK for men who are that way..... I always seem to end up misled, because they'll be fine in friendships or whatnot... just not with more intimate relationships. Then again - I'm the opposite, I open up a lot more in a relationship than I do in a friendship (I find it really important to try to trust and be honest with my partners. Clearly I still don't have that balance figured out!).

No one is a monster, and no one is unworthy of compassion and caring. (hahaha.... oh I am a hypocrite..... at least I recognize it right? At the end of the day I truly don't think I'm worth being cared about.... but I do try to change that!). I do genuinely want to try to help people. I have a lot of empathy and it makes me sad, even if I also end up absolutely infuriated sometimes too. I don't post things if I don't legitimately hope that it could somehow help someone.

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

I don't really let myself cry in front of people either - for the same reason - the feeling of weakness/vulnerability/lack of trust.

Although I've never ended up in a relationship with anyone I'd consider to be abusive, narcissitic, or a sociopath (if someone reminds me of my family I would bolt, so pretty good prevention there!) but I do tend to end up in relationships with relatively emotionally-unavailable men.

I then end up being the emotional wreck because I keep trying to find a healthy balance... which is kind of impossible to do when the other person is unavailable. haha. I don't LOOK for men who are that way..... I always seem to end up misled, because they'll be fine in friendships or whatnot... just not with more intimate relationships. Then again - I'm the opposite, I open up a lot more in a relationship than I do in a friendship (I find it really important to try to trust and be honest with my partners. Clearly I still don't have that balance figured out!).

No one is a monster, and no one is unworthy of compassion and caring. (hahaha.... oh I am a hypocrite..... at least I recognize it right? At the end of the day I truly don't think I'm worth being cared about.... but I do try to change that!). I do genuinely want to try to help people. I have a lot of empathy and it makes me sad, even if I also end up absolutely infuriated sometimes too. I don't post things if I don't legitimately hope that it could somehow help someone.

Wait, you're a woman? I've been talking to you like I would a guy. I think I called you "man" or "dude" in a couple of my posts too so sorry about any disrespect

You should of seen my last Ex haha. She was a textbook sociopath who was using me for some of my technical knowledge (I have basic computer hacking experience) because she felt the need to want to trash every other woman who she didn't like or guy who called her out on her BS and tried to talk me into ruining people and hacking into their Facebook to spread rumors about them or turn their friends against them (which I refused to do thankfully). The relationship ultimately ended because she had the nerve to ask me to ruin the head of a modeling company all because the model was less attractive than her yet was "shallow" as my ex put it because more people liked the model than her. I think I only wanted her because I craved somebody that I didn't have to feel emotionally vulnerable around yet could show me some kind of love, compassion, or at the very least understanding and the breakup still effects me despite it happening nearly a year ago but we can't have it all right?

You've been kind to somebody like me and that alone makes you more than worthy of compassion and love

[divine1966]

I wonder if you might want to explore it in therapy. This attraction does come from somewhere... You are right it's either childhood or some other trauma

My BF was married to full blown evil evil abusive person, her own kids don't talk to her. He then attempted to date and again kept ending up with horrendous abusive unkind women, he then went to therapy to learn better ways. His father was abusive addict, so perhaps that's that. Well he met me. I am no picnic at times but I am not evil or abusive. And I am willing to admit my faults and try to be better. He said if he didn't go to therapy he'd probably kept staying with bad women.

My therapist says that growth starts with awareness. When you become aware why you attract these women, you'll stArt recognizing patterns then healing then meeting better women!!!!

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[A Red Panda]

Yep I'm female

That ex sounds pretty horrid! Sometimes it's easier to be with people who we don't really like, because we don't think we would be able to maintain a relationship with someone that would be more appealing/healthy? It's safer, because when it ends you can at least be like "well THAT person was a jerk!"

You're probably right. I do often feel unworthy of love and feel that I'm too crazy to be loved in a normal kind of way so I often desire relationships similar to villainous couples from TVs/Movies where the love is more about selfish passion and benefiting each other while not giving a damn about the world but it's clear that fantasy based love and real love aren't the same

But still, you would have to admit, the female killer/fighter has an overwhelming sexy appeal. Me and my best friend dabble in martial arts and we tend to agree on one thing: a woman who could beat us in a fight is an immediate turn on

Meh, one day I'll find a decent therapist that doesn't cost more every month than my rent. Until then, I'll sate my sexual needs via fantasy

[Sesiley]

Oh my gosh me too! I thought I was alone. Omg. But I'm a girl...it's just the opposite lol

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Originally Posted by Sesiley

Oh my gosh me too! I thought I was alone. Omg. But I'm a girl...it's just the opposite lol

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What do you mean it's just the opposite? Are you attracted to men that you can easily control or did I miss something?

EDIT: NVM I just got what you were saying . People like us deserve our own internet club lulz

[Sesiley]

Originally Posted by DarknessIsMyFriend

What do you mean it's just the opposite? Are you attracted to men that you can easily control or did I miss something?

EDIT: NVM I just got what you were saying . People like us deserve our own internet club lulz

No, personally...I like to be controlled....TMI sorry

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[Sesiley]

Something about psychotic men....murderers...serial killers

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Originally Posted by Sesiley

No, personally...I like to be controlled....TMI sorry

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Hey hey no worries. Anybody who knows me will learn that I have a very messed up side of me especially when it comes to sex or romance. Lets just say that I'm into things that most people on this site will find disturbing haha

I promise you, nothing that you could ever say will gross me out or offend me nor do I judge people for their cliques

If you want to talk more about these types of things or simply want to feel less alone in the world, you can message me any time

[CosmicRose]

I mean sure, its all fun and games, until you marry and have children with a narcissist or psychopath. I'm not saying its wrong that you're attracted to those types, I'm just saying it'll make your life much harder than necessary. Those types of women often turn on you. How would you like a psychopath or narcissist raising your children? Now that's damaging. Do you want to experience what a divorce would be like with a narcissist or psychopath? Now that's enough to say maybe I'll pass.

Originally Posted by CosmicRose

I mean sure, its all fun and games, until you marry and have children with a narcissist or psychopath. I'm not saying its wrong that you're attracted to those types, I'm just saying it'll make your life much harder than necessary. Those types of women often turn on you. How would you like a psychopath or narcissist raising your children? Now that's damaging. Do you want to experience what a divorce would be like with a narcissist or psychopath? Now that's enough to say maybe I'll pass.

To be fair, I don't even want children and I avoid marriages due to trust issues so that takes away a lot of the risks

But yeah, I understand your point. I seem to idealize fantasy and Sci-Fi based female characters with a mean streak at the very least. There is something just plain sexy about a woman who could hold her own in a fight against a man trained in fighting while fighting like a man herself and not the biting and hair pulling that many women do, who could take a life and feel nothing, and is ruthless in willing to do whatever it takes to win even though I know that the type of relationships many of these characters develop are rare if not impossible in real life.

To give you an idea, one of my wildest fantasies involve me being some kind of antihero who does what I want when I want and not caring who gets in my way, has a lot of money, some kind of special ability to set me ahead of most people, and a beautiful female psycho at my side as an equal who is passionate and will do anything to keep me happy.

I guess that I need to accept that I find these type of women attractive because I'm damaged and messed up in my own right

[CosmicRose]

Usually those "psychos" or "narcissists" don't "do anything to make you happy." Quite the opposite.

But if you want to find a woman who is tough and can stand on her own in battle, I'd suggest finding a military woman.

Why must real life be so dull and boring? haha. The type of women that I idealize clearly don't exist in real life so I'll have to improvise one day.

I'm not too sure about military women simply because I would want a woman to be loyal to me first and foremost rather than the system. Getting a woman with more of an independent personality who's into martial arts but can also make my more nerdy side happy and who would back me in anything that I want to do no matter how questionable would be my perfect soul mate.

There's not enough coffee in the world for all of this thinking that I've been doing lately and I'm not always the best at communicating my thoughts or feelings so sorry if I sound like an idiot

P.S I accidentally enabled italics with a keyboard shortcut that I didn't know existed lolol

Also I found one woman in my life who does have psychopathic tendencies that were developed from abuse but is empathic, extremely loyal, loving, and even selfless to some extent towards those who she deems worthy. Unfortunately, she's in a relationship which makes me a sad panda

[A Red Panda]

People who are psychopaths, sociopaths, etc.... don't have the real loving, selflessness, loyalty...... It's sort of part of the illness. It's a great act, but has selfish intentions.

You can find women who are strong, physically and mentally. They do exist along with having loving qualities. Boxers, UFC fighters, etc... it's their profession. There are many other women who just take part for their own health and enjoyment. There are also dominatrix women who participate in the BDSM community - although finding one that also wants a male who wants to be co-dominant would be more difficult.

That said - fantasy is always better than reality, because you can warp the entire laws of reality! Like, living the way that you like to fantasize would land your butt in jail. Also, those fantasy women are ultimately, in your fantasy, subjecting to your desire and put you first - which is a huge contrast to what you fantasize as well. In reality, you'd likely end up very unhappy because that woman would be controlling and manipulating you.

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

People who are psychopaths, sociopaths, etc.... don't have the real loving, selflessness, loyalty...... It's sort of part of the illness. It's a great act, but has selfish intentions.

You can find women who are strong, physically and mentally. They do exist along with having loving qualities. Boxers, UFC fighters, etc... it's their profession. There are many other women who just take part for their own health and enjoyment. There are also dominatrix women who participate in the BDSM community - although finding one that also wants a male who wants to be co-dominant would be more difficult.

That said - fantasy is always better than reality, because you can warp the entire laws of reality! Like, living the way that you like to fantasize would land your butt in jail. Also, those fantasy women are ultimately, in your fantasy, subjecting to your desire and put you first - which is a huge contrast to what you fantasize as well. In reality, you'd likely end up very unhappy because that woman would be controlling and manipulating you.

I think your earlier post made the most sense and was the most helpful out of anybody's in this thread. I thought a bit on this subject (which is pretty much all I do many nights as I'm a bipolar coffee addict who has a lot of free time during the evening ) and I'm starting to a think that aside from the obvious natural appeal that a female "psycho" has, a big reason why I want girlfriends like I described above is because I truly believe that an empathetic woman would find me scary or wouldn't know how to love me and would be more likely to break up with me. I also think that a more empathetic woman wouldn't be able to put up with some of my behaviors which include selfishness, shallow emotions, poor impulse control, and a chronic distrust of people (don't even get me started on the mood swings). Let's just face it, I never had a chance to mature emotionally and have a happy childhood so I'm in reality, a child stuck in a mans body who seeks to have the childhood as an adult that I was unfairly denied as a child.

I truly think that the right sociopath would be more ideal and would be able to "love" me more because I'm more like a sociopath than an empath. While not a full fledged sociopath by any means I think I have some tendencies towards that area. While I don't go around needlessly hurting or using people, I've become more selfish in nature, I have issues bonding with people emotionally, I feel as though I have no real purpose in life, I have issues with authority figures, I can be very manipulative, and I don't feel any genuine guilt if I hurt most people intentionally or otherwise. I do feel some degree of guilt if I hurt somebody close to me or somebody who seems to want to help me but I can bury it and not let it effect me.

I didn't choose to be this way nor do I think I'm a bad person, but severe abuse and neglect has left it's mark on me and has scarred me for life so the only thing I can do at this point is try to make the best of what I've become.

My point being, I think that the right kind of sociopath or somebody with tendencies towards being one would be less likely to abandon me because she would see me as somebody like her who she could be herself around without wearing a mask. If that isn't enough alone somebody who is more selfish or materialistic would be less likely to abandon somebody who has something that they want such as money, a free pass to a goal they want, or something similar; you get the picture.

The love wouldn't be unconditional by any means and the relationship would be fueled by more selfish intentions, but lets face it, anything resembling unconditional love in a relationship takes a lot of work and risk (which I have a tendency to avoid unless the reward is worth the effort to me) and the only thing that I'm getting compared to the idealization that I listed above is somebody who one can fully be themselves around even at their weakest state without feeling that your partner is helping you for their own benefit and let's face it, who likes showing their weakness? Not to mention, you never know for sure that you achieved such a relationship until you're old and gray and still have your partner by your side. I personally want something more realistic and I don't want to wait until I'm an elder to be happy in life when I can do something to get what I need/want in the short term.

It also helps that I generally accept people for who they are no matter what as long as they show me some degree of loyalty and respect. I'm the type of person who is only loyal to my friends/loved ones and wouldn't give a damn if they were a serial killer as long as they didn't try to kill me.

I hope I'm wrong. Please feel free to let me know if I am.

Sorry if I freaked anybody here out. Mental health forums are for trying to help one's self, yes?

Anyways, thanks all for trying to help me. I genuinely appreciate it

On a lighter note, if I had a lot of money and the right contacts, I wouldn't end up in jail because I could just buy my way out of anything which would make a fantasy like I listed above probable

[A Red Panda]

You know, it does sound a lot like you're thinking more deeply about what you want from a relationship, and you're being realistic about your faults and fears. That's actually quite great and demonstrates a lot of introspection!

Have you ever gone to see a counsellor? (don't remember if that's been addressed in this thread). A counsellor could help you work on developing skills to help you work around your fears and to develop some healthier relationship skills.

A lot of people have that wanting to be a kid because they missed out thing going on. There's ways to learn to comfort yourself and find at least some sort of balance (honest confession: I'm 30 and at Christmas, my main tradition is to watch the same cartoons I watched as a kid, because they were one of the more comforting/loving things that I had around the season!).

[Corazon13]

Hi there,

I am a female, and I also have a similar attraction. I tend to choose men that are very emotionally unavailable. A man that I am seeing right now in fact told me that, "crazy loves crazy". It threw me off, but it totally makes sense to me personally. Also, I have been told by him that, in regards to the

Possible trigger:

S&M, he could "do more damage with his hands than he could ever do with chains and whips".

I was very turned on by that, and I find it very odd for myself. In a way, I can understand where you are coming from. I never thought that I would a person who finds pleasure in pain, but for some reason I keep going back to him for more.

I tend to view myself as a very broken down person, so I find that being with someone who is also broken down makes me feel content knowing that they will not be burdened by me. I don't have strong connections for this reason also. My only problem with myself, and what I could think may be a problem for you, is that if you ever want to settle down with someone to have a family and serious relationship, that is not the type of woman that would be for that.

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

You know, it does sound a lot like you're thinking more deeply about what you want from a relationship, and you're being realistic about your faults and fears. That's actually quite great and demonstrates a lot of introspection!

Have you ever gone to see a counsellor? (don't remember if that's been addressed in this thread). A counsellor could help you work on developing skills to help you work around your fears and to develop some healthier relationship skills.

A lot of people have that wanting to be a kid because they missed out thing going on. There's ways to learn to comfort yourself and find at least some sort of balance (honest confession: I'm 30 and at Christmas, my main tradition is to watch the same cartoons I watched as a kid, because they were one of the more comforting/loving things that I had around the season!).

I've tried therapy for other reasons but nothing directly related to relationships because I didn't realize that I had such a big problem in that area until that breakup with that sociopath ex that I described in an earlier post. I always thought that I was simply crazy and attracted all of the crazy girls and even would joke to my best friend about my eventual cause of death being murdered by a woman lol.

I currently live in one of the worst states for mental health. The state is so underfunded that unless you can afford high end insurance or have $100+ for a 1 hour session, good luck getting any decent help. I've tried two community mental health centers in my area and one of them doesn't even offer a sliding scale individual therapy anymore and makes you do group therapy which couldn't help me because of my distrust for people and the other had therapists that seemed inexperienced with my problems and I gave up after waiting a few weeks to get in followed by several sessions of frustration. All of the private clinics in my area that I've tried (which are most of them) that have a sliding scale are full and have 1+ month waiting times and many don't have a lot of experience in many of my issues. Hell, they even closed the only psychiatric ward in my area that actually seemed to care about their patents and the only other psychiatric ward that isn't a 3 hour drive away has a track record of neglecting and sometimes even hurting their patients (I was there as a child a few times and was mistreated) so that should tell you just how much of a mental health backwater that I live in lol

My original plan was to hold and save my money to off and move out of state so that I can start over in life and get the help that I need but I'm getting more desperate so I'm going to try the mental health clinic again and use them for free medication in addition to therapy so I can get into a clinical trial for bipolar people that can make more money than any 9-5 that I would qualify for without having to deal with people or do the same boring thing every day which burns me out.

My point being that I want a decent therapist and I want help, I'm just done having to struggle to get the help that I need and I'm done doing things the hard way.

[A Red Panda]

That's a horrible experience with mental health! I'm so glad to be in Canada. Can have a long waiting list but there are free options provided.