[misfit77]

Yesterday was my common law husband and my anniversary. We are on vacation so we spent the day together. The day before was spent at the funeral of my cousin who died way too young. He was there for me at the funeral, but yesterday he flipped out at me.

We decided to just get In the car and drive. So eventually we ended up near a few little towns I had been to before. I didn't know where to turn and couldn't give him directions and he lost it on me so we just decided to go home. He didn't talk to me at all in the car. I didn't talk to him once we got home. I ended up leaving for over a hour late at night and he didn't even ask me where I was. I was walking which really isn't safe.

I have barely talked to him today and he's barely talked to me. You'd think by the sounds of this we are young but we are in our mid-thirties. I know I can be indecisive and I know it annoys him-but I'm also grieving right now. My cousin'so death has really affected me.

So really-to me this is a big deal because 1. I obviously pissed him off enough that he'd yell at me on our anniversary and 2. He knows I am hurting yet still yelled at me-did not show sympathy or compassion for me and just take it a little easier on me because I wasn't feeling good. If just my lack of ability to give him proper directions made him that angry with me-then what is really going on? He's grumpy most of the time. He never shows me any affection, the excuse is always because of his work (he works long hours). But now we are off and I still seem to just piss him off.

I have Borderline Personality Disorder and have been doing DBT. I have been trying to use those skills through all of this. I have made it clear to him that I am struggling and that it's harder than ever for me to make decisions. But it doesn't seem to matter. I just really don't know why he's in a relationship with me because honestly it just seems like all I do is piss him off (and that isn't my mental illness seeing it that way). I guess I don't know why I am in a relationship with him either,

[kaliope]

i think you really need to look at that question as to why you are in the relationship. i think your bpd really does play a role in how you respond to him and the arguing. you are hurt because he argued on your anniversary, anger doesnt really pay attention to what day it is. anger is a secondary emotion. we are feeling something we do not know how to deal with so we respond with anger instead. you guys can blame it on not being able to cope with the job stress, so he lashes out in anger instead. he is not anger about the lack of direction, he is frustrated about something else. if the root of the feelings could be discovered and dealt with, then the anger could be avoided.

[seaecho]

Agreed--there are deeper issues going on here than losing your way when going somewhere. Petty things will come up when there are hurts, or other pent-up emotions that are being suppressed and not expressed. Communication is lacking, in a big way.