very anxious in my relationship

Hello I have a big problem in my relationship. My Bf and I have been together for about 16 month. We are a happy couple and we love each other very much. But over the last few month we have had several major fights. He has a mental health disorder and uses occasional drugs which I totally disagree with. We are seeing a psychologist fro this which is good but doesn't seem to help in the long term.
My Bf has been very dishonest the last few month about who he is hanging out with, what he is doing, where he is at etc. We have discussed all of that in our councelling sessions and it seems to go better for a little while but than he goes back to lying about stupid stuff which he could tell me even if I get upset.

Now yesterday he has worked all day and than I rang him to see how far away he was till he was home. He told me where he was and that was fine. but when I rang about 1 hour later he told me some story and I knew he was lying. After yet nearly another hour I called again and he got angry on the phone and hung up telling me he will get home when he gets home. By then I knew he was telling me some stupid story instead of telling me the truth. He was with one of his work mates who I totally disapprove of as these 2 always get in trouble with drugs or drinking. Anyway he told me he was at that guys place. So here is what I do every time stuff like that happens. I went around the other guys place to see if my Bf was there and he wasn't..

I woke up the other people in the house including the Gf of the other guy but they didn't know where they were but said they could be at the pub. Now they think I am some crazy idiot Gf..Anyway I tried to call my Bf heaps of times but he just kept pushing me away and not answer. I talked to him a few times and he said he was at the pub and why I am going around his friends place.

I begged him to come home and discuss this in person but he said he doesn't want to come home and needs space to think about things and where he is at and what he wants. He does not want me to go around his friends place and ring his friends looking for him.. and I know I shouldn't but I just cant help myself. I am so panicky and anxious by than that I just need to find him. this whole looking for him went on from about 8pm to 12 midnight with no success. He didn't come home either. He texted me that I am the one going crazy and he cant handle that right now and it would be better if he was not coming home. That just added fuel to my panic and that's the thing he doesn't seem to understand.

I love him very much and am so afraid to loose him that I do all the wrong things that will make him take drugs and push him away and I know all this.. I just don't know anymore who I am and how to deal with all these crazy emotions. And he doesn't seem to understand or doesn't know how to help me either. all I want is for him to be honest even if I get angry and upset about it and not do what he did ( that's the 2nd time that happened that he stayed away all night ) and respect my feelings. He says he is sorry but that just sounds so fake and like he just says it to calm me down. I was a mess all night, hardly slept, didn't eat , tried to contact him several times ( and I am talking about a LOT of times ).

He just wanted some freedom, I get that but why didn't he tell me. Because he knows I don't like that guy he is hanging out with and that he is going to the pub a bit too often for my liking and wasting his money on the pokies, and drinking and than driving and the other thing is that he could take drugs again which would make this whole situation even worse. I am trying hard to work on my trust issue which I don't have since he lied so many times to me .And it seems that every time I am building my trust again and he is really good in being honest either of us stuffs up and I start from scratch again. With 0 trust torwards him which doesn't help at all with what he is doing or not doing.

Its such a bad cycle and I really just want to be myself again, I want to relax and let him have his boytime and be fine with it and not call him every 10 min to see where he is when he will be home, who he is with, if he is doing drugs etc.I hate feeling like this, It destroyes me and my Bf and our relationship. I am just not myself anymore lately. I cry a lot about it as I am unable to cope with it. I don't know anymore where to turn to or what to do. please someideas and help ...

You gotta step away from that phone. Lock it in the trunk of your car or something. He's a grown man and is going to do what he wants. You got to accept it or gt*o.

I'm sorry you in this situation. I was in a very similar situation in my early 20's and spent 5 years trying to fix him and get him to grow up. I finally realized that it wasn't up to me to fix him and I had to either accept that this would be my life of wondering at 1:00 am if he was okay, if he was cheating, if he was driving drunk, etc or get out before I ended up pregnant.

You do not do anything to make him take drugs or drink. If he says that, it's just an excuse. You want a partner, not someone you have to mother and he acts like a child. Life is too short to deal with this disrespect. Good luck.

I wouldn't stay for one day with anyone who uses drugs. Zero tolerance. Drinking and driving? Even worse. I would be gone tomorrow.

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Its always astounding how people stick around even in the most toxic and most bizarre situations, all in the name of "love"

(Not pointing fingers here, I did the same stupid thing at one point)

Anxiety is our body's fight or flight response kicking in... In this particular case, your adrenal glands are not over reacting, the anxiety is understandable. Listen to your body and run, fighting is obviously not bringing you the desired result.



Newsflash: Love doesn't treat you like crap.

I don't judge either as I stayed in some nonsense myself. But this situation Doesn't sound like "happy couple" but like a disaster waiting to happen. You are anxious for a reason

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Set up a boundary. You say....stop (this), or (this) will happen. Of he doesn't stop, then do what you said you were going to do. Your life isn't worth the suffering. Life is short.

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Maybe let him have his space? If he isn't coming home drunk or high and causing problems and if he is attending his therapy sessions, I wouldn't worry too much about him.

Some people NEED time to themselves or they can't function. It's nothing against you and it isn't that he doesn't love you. Some people are introverted and are. thus, wired that way. I would know because I happen to be that way myself.

Also, you might want to consider communicating your feelings and concerns with him in a more diplomatic sense rather than simply nagging him. It would work wonders in the long haul.

You need to take care of yourself. It doesn't sound as though you are happy with how things are currently so maybe it's time to step back, focus on yourself and just hope your by takes it as a sign he needs to make changes in his own life.

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