[Zacnme]

My son lived with until a year and a half ago when I moved from California to Northern Washington. He got his owm he shares with a roommate. He had a job as a manager of a restaurant, but after a couple years the stress really got to him. Now he is 25, working at a healthy food grocery store and making minimum pay. He would never make his bills right now so I have been helping him.

He knows I really don't have the money to help him anymore, but can't seem to find a way to cover his own costs. He is really upset over it.

I am wondering if I should give him my second bedroom, have him get a job here, pay me rent and make his bills.

I know my Dad would not be in favor of it because he says he needs to figure it out.

Needing some advice.

Thx, Terri (Zac is my cat)

[SilverNeurotic]

If your son approaches you, but only then. Also, you should decide on a stop date on the financial assistance...say, six months from now. It is ingrained in parents to help their kids, but sometimes giving them what they needs prevents them from living to their potential.

Of course this is different if your son is ill, which you didn't say.

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[*Laurie*]

Your son is working at a decent, honest job and can't make ends meet - of course propose your kind offer! That's what families are for. That's love.

[cakeladie]

Does your son have any mental or physical disabilities? If not then he needs to find a way to pay his own bills. It would be a little different if he was working and going to school but if he is just working then he needs to find a way to pay his own bills.

We are kinda having the same problem with our daughter. The difference is she is 19 going to school and working part time but wants us to pay for everything while she lives with her boyfriend. My husband put his foot down tonight it was not pleasant but she was to act grown up without all the responsibilities.

If your son does approach you about moving in with you set rules in writing and what he has to pay you

[Zacnme]

Thank you all so much for your advice.

[SilverNeurotic]

Originally Posted by cakeladie

Does your son have any mental or physical disabilities? If not then he needs to find a way to pay his own bills. It would be a little different if he was working and going to school but if he is just working then he needs to find a way to pay his own bills.

We are kinda having the same problem with our daughter. The difference is she is 19 going to school and working part time but wants us to pay for everything while she lives with her boyfriend. My husband put his foot down tonight it was not pleasant but she was to act grown up without all the responsibilities.

If your son does approach you about moving in with you set rules in writing and what he has to pay you

I lived at home when 8 went to college, my parents bought me a car and let me live at home but I paid for school, my car expenses and any extra stuff. When I graduated I paid rent to my parents. In fact I lent them money a few times.

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We are kinda having the same problem with our daughter. The difference is she is 19 going to school and working part time but wants us to pay for everything while she lives with her boyfriend

Apologies for taking this thread on a tangent, but I was wondering, Cakeladie, which part of what your daughter is doing you disapprove of. She is doing to school and working part-time. That sounds very responsible.

[Zacnme]

Regarding my son, I am thinking if I let him do this he would have to pay his own bills and determine if he needs to go to school or what to enable him to get a job that would pay enough so he can live on his own.

[cakeladie]

Jo the part that upsets us is not that she is going to school and working because at 19 that is what yo are supposed to do. What we resent is that she believes that we should pay for everything. Hair supplies clothes gas for her car etc. the car she is driving is ours we pay her cell phone bill that she abuses plus her car insurance and medical.

If she lived with us then no problem. But she wants to play house with her boyfriend then she can pay for her daily expenses. Has long has she gets good grades we will pay odd school.

Her boyfriend is the same age doesn't go to school and doesn't work has many hours has she's she does.

[cakeladie]

Sorry zacnme for going off topic