[Syedi]

Dear All
I want to open my heart to you and want your fair analysis.
I come from a very humble background. Being eldest son of the family, i was treated with special attention from my mother. Father was always busy in his own things. During childhood, i spent much of the time with my mother and all other family members and friends and do not remember much time spent with father. My father is an educated man with handsome family wealth inherited. All of his brothers and cousins worked harder despite of this wealth and now are millioneers. He was never used to hard work and never went an extra mile to do something which could earn him respect in the society and family. Saying this he was not edict to any drugs or other bad habbits. Yes he was 75% home and aloof from us and our mother was a tool of pleasure for him. Either it is physical or just doing chores. Even when my father and his brothers sold the family home in which were living, he didnt exchange the noney he got with a new small house but kept this money in his control in a saving account so that he don't need to work any more. We are the only ones in the family who are living in a rented house despite of all the property he inherited and which his brothers used to sell partly from thier share whenever they needed for some project or in any other big need.
Effectively we were raised by our mother. Yes father always paid for our education but that too in such an Amount that our mother had to sell all her jewelery to bring us to the point in which we are today. I am a CPA working in a big coorporation. Younger brother is an MBA and doing well. sister is all set to get married. Everything looks good???
Me as eldest and my brothers made up our mind to rectify things and rebuild our family again after completion of our education. Remember we are from an asian muslim background where family is everything. Though we are not conservative muslims.
I saved a lot during last three years of my job and when i thought i had enough, i came and told my parents that i want to buy a piece of property(land) for family on which we can build our own house and have some place of our own.
Everybdy was happy even my father gave approval of that. I started looking estate agents. Remember i am working in an arab country away from home and not married yet because we have an arranged marraige thing in out society.
Anyways i found a very good deal and wanted to get it transfered in us three brothers so that it can be a symbol of unity for us. I didnt need any consideration because i was doing very well and knew that this money I will make soon in next two years.
Everyone was happy till my father started raising concerns. Firstly he floated a proposal to my middle brother that he want to gift me some of his inherited land in consideration of the house i am going to built. My brother welcomed it as nobody would feel down by this proposal. I told my father i dun need this but he kept insisting. Eventualy i agreed. Meanwhile agent was doing paperwork. I went out of home for a week and when i came back my brother started quareling with me on non issues and one day he refused to become a party to the title of the property to be bought. My father didnt say any word on that but remained silent party. I had already paid earnest money for the property, so i thought a lot and purchased the property on my fathers name. He was very excited. Meanwhile my mother started preparation of my marraige, to which my father doesnt seem very excited.
He started giving me feelers of discomfort by pointing out issues in the property bought. He should have kept mum as even it was a loss deal, it was my money and we were not planning to sale it rather build a house there.
Pls. Also note that i am paying for the monthly grocery and food for the family and i deposited an estimated figure for the next two years on my mother account so that she can be comfortable. Note that my father is receiving the moeny from the saving account and only paying rental.
Anyways he had now started to talk foul language about the wife to be of mine for no reason, and when i mind it, he pretends as he is joking. Just a while ago i told him not to do this(harshly) and he responded by saying that we do not need your money we do not need your land, u r a disobidient son bla bla.
I am really heart wrecked right now even though i am complete proffesional but this personal issue is bringing me down.
I hv following complaints;
Father never came close to us.
He delayed my marraige, infact he played role in calling of an u decalred but agreed proposal of mine.
He made my brother against me by floating differnt proposals.
Now he is destroying this dream also.
I need you guys to point out what went wrong and what mistakes i did so that i can at least fix myself
Regards

[CANDC]

Hi Syedi, Welcome to Psych Central. Sorry you are suffering stress in your family. I am not sure of what the situation is with the family and how to unwind it but I appreciate you sharing your story.

There are lots of compassionate people here that can make the load lighter by sharing and caring. Feel free to participate actively at Psych Central. Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

[Ruftin]

Hello and welcome to Psych Central Syedi!!! It's nice to meet you. You have joined a community of warm and caring members who will want to offer you support and advice. Yours is welcome as well.

Please feel free to contact any community liaison or moderator by left clicking on their name in blue to the left of their post if you need help navigating the forums. It will take some time for your first five posts to appear as they are being evaluated and then you will be able to join chats.

I'm sorry for your struggles. I cannot give you an intelligent response to your post due to our different cultures but I hope someone here will read it and be able to do so. In the meantime I encourage you to keep posting and reaching so that those who can relate have the chance to meet you. It may take time for your paths to cross. You'll find we have a safe and supportive community. I'm glad you've joined us.

I look forward to seeing you around!!!

[kaliope]

hi syedi
i find it admirable that you wanted to do something to bring the family together, but sometimes it is impossible to please a parent and work with so many personalities. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome