[Petra5ed]

Since a therapist probably has a hundred, and some people zero... I'm wondering, has anyone ever been in love with you? What really makes a person unlovable?

[divine1966]

There are no unlovable people. Could be one just didn't meet the right person. Also there are many other types of love. Family love etc

I can say three men in my life loved me. Not a 100! My ex husband, my ex boyfriend I lived with for almost 9 years ( he still does but I left because he is an alcoholic ) and my current BF. I am turning 50 so it's not that many at all. I kissed a lot of frogs in between

Why would a therapist had a hundred people in love with her/him? Nobody needs a hundred. Mine has been married since young age and she is in her 60s. So it may be just one person!

Are you talking about yourself? Or in General? How old are you? We often have very young people afraid they'll never find love. They will

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I know what makes me unlovable but that does not apply to anyone else... so I don't think there is any one thing that does it.

Originally Posted by Mastodon

I know what makes me unlovable but that does not apply to anyone else... so I don't think there is any one thing that does it.

I don't see how you could possibly be unloveble Mast. You strike me as caring, intelligent and witty. I think that statement speaks more of personal insecurity than the potential feelings of others you may meet on life's path. I hope you don't mind me saying.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Mastodon

I know what makes me unlovable but that does not apply to anyone else... so I don't think there is any one thing that does it.

I agree with echo. I always like your posts so you are very likeable. And I bet you are lovable too

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[magicalprince]

I have had a lot of people in love with me but it was a conditional love... Idk what real love looks like anymore for sure.

[velcro003]

I don't know how to answer this question because what kind of love are you talking about? Romantic love? If so, no. I have only dated one person semi-seriously in HS, and am 34 now. Haven't dated or tried in 11 years.

Family love? My parents and brother and extended family love me as part of their family, though they don't necessarily "know" me.

Friend love. Have a couple of friends who I believe love me.

I also would like to believe my cat loves me

[Petra5ed]

Originally Posted by velcro003

I don't know how to answer this question because what kind of love are you talking about? Romantic love? If so, no. I have only dated one person semi-seriously in HS, and am 34 now. Haven't dated or tried in 11 years.

Family love? My parents and brother and extended family love me as part of their family, though they don't necessarily "know" me.

Friend love. Have a couple of friends who I believe love me.

I also would like to believe my cat loves me

I meant romantic love, like the obsessional infatuated kind of feeling "in" love.

I think my cat hates me not sure how else to interpret her taking dumps on my stuff when I keep her box clean and feed her all she wants!

[Daystrom]

A few women. One that was very serious. Funny I can't seem to hang on to any of them.

[RedSun]

Yes, a couple of real in love infatuation type scenarios, and my partner which has been over two decades.

[Chummy]

I don't know. There has never been a person who said to me that he likes me. When I was in highschool I've heard from someone else that this guy likes me. But those few guys never came to me, so I don't know. I've always been shy, so boys could be discouraged by that?
I think there was one boy who liked me, but I'm not sure. It was in highschool and he always came to sit next to me and also during breaks and he had asked me if I want to hang out (but he didn't say if it was a date). But I didn't like him, so I've never asked him.

I'm seriously doubting if I will ever get a boyfriend.

[Bipolar Warrior]

I had one girl who really "chased" me, but I was reluctant because it was all very extravagant, in a way. Like I was the most beautiful girl she'd ever met, I was perfect, and she was SO in love with me, etc. It was intense.

Once we got together (because I DID like her and we had known each other for a couple of years) however, it all went straight to hell. She went from one extreme to the other in about five seconds; she either loved me and thought I was perfect, too good for her, and so on, or she hated me, told me I had ruined her life, that SHE was too good for me, that sort of thing.

This girl was borderline, as you could probably guess from the description, but alas, she was undiagnosed, and I think she still is, about three years later. It's sad, but my own mental health was quite bad at the time so after three weeks I couldn't take it anymore, and I broke off all contact with her. I don't think that girl knows what love is at all. I wanted to help her, but I couldn't.

So no, I don't believe that anyone has ever been in love with me for real, and I can't blame them. Even if I were loveable, I feel really unattractive, so no guy or girl would look at me twice (and it's kind of hard to win them over with my "charming" personality if they don't, lol).

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by magicalprince

I have had a lot of people in love with me but it was a conditional love... Idk what real love looks like anymore for sure.

I believe unconditional love could only be for ones children. I need nothing in return. Romantic love is conditional, we need reciprocation to sustain it

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[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Petra5ed

I meant romantic love, like the obsessional infatuated kind of feeling "in" love.


I think my cat hates me not sure how else to interpret her taking dumps on my stuff when I keep her box clean and feed her all she wants!

Could "in love" be a strong feeling yet not infatuation or obsession? Infatuation isn't love. Infatuation usually is a response to something familiar and it doesn't last

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[lavalamp]

An overweight gay man who's quiet? No, no one has. In my community, if you look like me, you need to overcompensate for not being a stereotype muscle clone by being obnoxiously loud and "the life of the party," which I'm not. I stopped looking for a romantic partner last year and am perfectly happy foraging for physical companionship for the foreseeable future.

[Myrto]

In love with me? Sure. That doesn't make me feel good about myself because I have the opposite problem: I'm never in love with anyone. It happened once. And it was unrequited. I've had crushes, perhaps that's what you're equating with "in love"?

Also, "in love" and "loving someone" are different in terms of degree. Loving (romantically) someone is a deep and profound feeling while in love suggests the early beginnings of a relationship.

[DoggieDad]

Saddens me to admit that at my age (59), of the three "serious" relationships I'e had (lived together) , two were in it for financial gain (no, I'm not, by any stretch, rich) and in the other I was just a stepping stone to something "better". I've stuck with pets for 15 years. And sometimes I wonder about them. *smile*

[Ambra]

No, I don't think so.

[junkDNA]

i doubt it

[RTS?]

I've been married over 25 years but I voted no. My H never loved me...he needed me...but never loved me.

[AllHeart]

Wish I could have allowed myself to love them all back.

[nottrustin]

I assume you mean romantic relationships? I have been married for over 20 years and not only does he say he loves me but he shows me everyday.

[magicalprince]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I believe unconditional love could only be for ones children. I need nothing in return. Romantic love is conditional, we need reciprocation to sustain it

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I am inclined to agree. That's why it's so painful to be not loved by one's parents. I think we can also develop unconditional self love of course.

But for another person I'm thinking that "true love" means just genuinely, consistently believing in someone. I guess I long for love whose conditions are about who I am, not how I am needed.

Yes, I have had three men in love with me in my lifetime, but the most special is my husband. My husband was most definitely in love with me practically from before we formally met (that's its own story). I would say love matures from being "in love" to a more mature, secure love (which I prefer). "In love" is exciting at the time, but there is no real stability in it. Mature love has a security and strength that resides within it. I am fortunate to be in a marriage that has settled nicely into that secure type of love now that just brings us both a lot of peace. I have watched my parents live in that kind of secure love; they'll be celebrating their 63rd wedding anniversary next month in fact. I'm very happy to say that I finally feel my husband and I have landed in that place ourselves.

[BreakForTheLight]

I guess the right answer would be "not that I know of" but I can fairly certainly say no.

If I don't even like myself, I don't think anyone else is going to like me either.