Is this a form of abandonment?

When I first started seeing my psych, he went on and on about childhood abandonment. I was very resistant to the idea and didn't think it was relevant, because both my parents were around until I was an adult, they fed me, clothed me, sent me to a decent school, and pretty much met all of my physical needs.

I hadn't really thought about the idea of emotional abandonment before... but I started to get a little bit of an understanding of it, and think that maybe there was some truth to it.

I feel like I've just had a bit of an eye opening moment today, but I have to wait a week before I can discuss it with my therapist, so just wanted to process it a bit here.

I am pretty much estranged from my father. I haven't seen him for around 5 years, and our only communication is via text message. He will send me a text every 2-4 weeks. If friends ask about him or ask if he talks to me, and I tell them yes, they act like I am being horrible by ignoring him.

We used to get on brilliantly when I was little, up until the age of around 10. I thought he was the world, and he adored me. He was simultaneously very abusive towards my mother, and towards my brother and I. I worshiped him but at the same time I was afraid of him.

When I got a little older, he refused to treat me like an independent human being who had thoughts and feelings of my own. He would never listen to me, never take me seriously, and always patronise me. He continued to treat me like a baby up until I finished school and moved out of home. He still does. I realised a long time ago that I tried as hard as I could to have a relationship with him, but he is toxic, and will never change, so I have given up. Still, a part of me has felt guilty that he continues to 'reach out' to me, in the form of these text messages, and I don't reciprocate.

But I realised, the messages he sends me are written the way you would talk to a 1 year old. They are full of baby talk and stupid jokes. As soon as I started to grow up, it was like he rejected me as a person, and would prefer to live in this fantasy world where I am a little helpless baby that he can control, rather than know who I really am. I thought he wanted to have a relationship with me, but he doesn't, and he hasn't for a very very very long time. He doesn't want to know anything about the person I am, he just wants me to be that child I once was, who didn't know any better.

I just feel like the abandonment thing has finally made sense.

Oh yes it makes sense. Where was your mother in all this? Am I guessing right that she may have been a codepenant in the relationship?

If you want the texting to continue, I think you shouldn't play to the immaturity of what comes from your father's side. Respond back as adult/professionally as you can. If you are already doing this - Good Job!

Be honest with those around you - it will lead to you being more honest with yourself.

As for keeping in touch at all, I think others here can answer better. I have a gut feeling quick response to that based on personal experience. I'm afraid I can't give you a level headed reply other than to put yourself first here. You are not responsible for how he chooses to maintain a relationship.