[SweetSunshine]

My brother whom we havent seen for a year shows up today .. wants us to take him out to eat and go see my dad. But he cant come for holidays ? Or when he found out dad had a stroke 3 months ago? Or Dads bday party just a month ago? Never EVER showed up to see his father!!!!!!! I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LIVID RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!! I gotta go.. they are ready to go eat. Dammit.. why am I always the one that has to deal with this %#@&#!!!!!!!!!!! but i needed to vent..

[sabby]

(((((((((((((((((((((((Bethy))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Breathe my friend, breathe!!!

You are very much like me hon....we are caregivers and sometimes find it hard to accept when our family doesn't come through like we expect them to do.

I know it's hard to deal with. I have a brother (we have little contact) who can put me into a tailspin just like yours.

I'll play devils advocate here for a second, maybe your brother has a very difficult time dealing with your dad's health issues? Sometimes people use avoidance to get them through. Not everyone can be as strong as we caregivers are, so I try to accept what they can give from their own comfort zone.

Remember, we can only control what WE do, not what others do. I hope you get through the day ok hon.

xoxoxo
J

[katheryn]

sorry this has happened to make you sooooo angry right now, hope you can get past the anger to enjoy his company, maybe before he leaves you could ask him for an explanation, again sorry

[Fuzzybear]

Sorry hon, it sounds to me like he's a little (?) selfish and hasn't grown up (yet)... grrrrrrrrr at family who hurt us and the anger they leave us with!

I agree with the others... try to breathe.

[Direction]

Sorry you have to pick up the pieces.

I keep thinking though better late than never? Not sure it will be productive...

[Perna]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
sabau2 said:
I'll play devils advocate here for a second, maybe your brother has a very difficult time dealing with your dad's health issues? Sometimes people use avoidance to get them through. Not everyone can be as strong as we caregivers are, so I try to accept what they can give from their own comfort zone.
J

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I was helpful caring for my stepmother along with my stepsister but my brother in the area (one of my favorites) didn't come around and I watched as my stepmother and stepsister and nieces/nephews, etc. vilified him as not caring, etc. and I had no answer, was confused. But after my stepmother died, my brother drew very close to me and we see one another really often, he always tells me he loves me when we talk on the phone and we have the close relationship we had back 50+ years ago! I'm beginning to understand that his relationship with my stepmother/stepsister/parents was really a lot different and his experience not one I necessarily know a lot about.

((((((((SweetSunshine)))))))))))

[SweetSunshine]

Thanks everyone for replying and for your support. I made it thru the day ok... i guess. I just couldnt believe how he could show up and not call ahead to see if we were around. And then to act like he hadnt done anything wrong all day!! I had to laugh though .. my dad confronted him about not seeing him for little over a year and my brother just asked dad.... I havent changed much have I? WTH???????
Thats how dense my brother is.. and then he started sidestepping the conversation by talking about what was in the paper. He doesnt get it that he is on dads s--t list! Ohhh well.. He left and I was relieved as much as I could be.

Again thanks for listening to my rant .. and for caring so much. Means alot to me .

Hugz
Bethy

[SecretGarden]

I hope that you will reread the above posts. There is good advice there.

Perhaps your brother was unable to deal with what was going on. Not everybody can ... even if they might like to. He is trying to "come home."

(((hiss)))

congrats on being able to put up with that and survive the day
im proud of you

[SweetSunshine]

Thanks Brawny..

Secret Garden... yes I realize there is good advice here. Its just hard to swallow when stuff like this has happened over and over and over before with him. This is just the longest he's gone and I just dont get it how he could blow it off in front of dad like that. Maybe it is hard to handle but we all have our demons to face.. why doenst he ever have to face them? He's never lifted a finger to help with dad either... even to fix stuff around the house.. He is the one brother who is able bodied to do this. The other two have bad health isssues. Somewhere down the line I think he needs to step up and do something!!!

[bebop]

beth he sounds like one of my brothers. we tolerate him when we can. until this past saturday at my neices graduation party my dad had not heard from him since his surgery last august. he has no clue what is going on with dad either. he knows I am not able to do all the needs to be done at dad's place and he ignores it playing the victim. you did good hon.