[Superzombiechic]

Hi. I am new to this site. I've been reading a lot of people's post on here and it gave me the courage to write my own. I need to get it out. I hope someone will read this and can relate. All my life I have never been faithful to my significant other. I've always wanted or needed to have another man to confident in emotionally. It's like I keep one man to live with me to do physical activities with and be my partner that way...but then I have another man to run too if something goes wrong. I tend to pick up down on their luck men, fix them up and get them back in their feet again and once that they are established...I get bored (I feel like my work here is done) and I go onto the next. It's a pattern.
My current boyfriend is very intelligent and has picked up on this and has chosen to stay with me besides the emotional affairs I have. I'm hurting him and I want to stop but I don't know how. My boyfriend and I work together and live together so we are literally together 24/7 and I feel like I'm losing my identity. I'm moody all the time and I have lost all desire to be intimate with him. I do it anyways so he doesn't get upset with me. I just can't open up emotionally to him or anyone unless they are a complete stranger.
I feel like such an.....@$$hole.

[WifeofBPD]

To me it sounds out like you have figured out the problem...you can't get too close emotionally to someone you know. Now all you have to do is figure out why. What are you afraid of? Is it the potential to be rejected by someone who knows all about you? I notice that you are feeling like you are losing your identity...that could be part of it right there. Many people go into relationships thinking that they must compromise who they are and meld into some combination of the two. That is so not the case. A solid relationship is going to be give and take. Each individual must respect the other and compromise on areas of disagreement. Its like becoming a mixture instead of a solution (in science-y terms). I'd encourage you to talk to him about it. Discuss his expectations of a relationship, his fears, your fears...the whole nine yards. If you dont feel comfortable talking about your fears with him, I'd find someone you can bounce thoughts off of to uncover what is really nagging at you.

~Seanachai~

I am right now on the otherside of this. I am confused and don't know why this is happening. If I read this correctly you feel compelled to behave this way? But it also sounds like you feel something is missing. I wonder if instead of thinking about what is missing, have you considered what it is you want?

[Superzombiechic]

I know it's confusing. I'm confused myself because that's the thing....I don't really know what I want....