Nothing's changed - they still can't get over my looks

You're not listening to me. I start with each person I meet on a clean slate. I give them a fair chance.

I stated right in the beginning that nothing has changed. That's looking back. I never said nothing is going to change.

Also, read what I said - I judge you if you judge me. I stereotype you if you stereotype me. I let them make the first move. They are the ones doing everything. I said I was a mirror, I reflect everything I receive - that's exactly what my words mean. I cannot reflect something if it is not there.

That is exactly what my condition is all about. It's unfiltered. People embellish from their own imaginations and then want me to accept the incorrect things they thought out about me. And, I'm just not going to, bottom line.

Listen, it's real simple. People are angry with me, always have been, because my life demonstrates to them how overly and unnecessarily complicated their lives are. The mirror - does it make sense now?

I've shown them that a fat kid, with no friends, no money and no social life can achieve things which they thought only they were able to achieve, and then some. That pisses them off. It grinds their guts, it makes them gnash their teeth and blow steam from their nostrils.

They want me to fail, because I haven't "paid my dues". But, that's a construct that they concocted in their own minds! Nobody said you have to work hard, sweat and bleed to achieve everything in life. Why? Do what you do out of love and pure passion, and it will all come easy. Don't do what you hate. That's why you get thousands of people working jobs they hate and then a handful who live life happy, playing football, basketball, painting, singing, acting, wrestling for a living, etc.

They painted themselves into a corner and now they are mad at me that I didn't buy into the nonsense that they all bought into. Now they take it out on me and make me suffer. The "being fat" thing is just a reason to justify it. They can't find something to convict me with, so now they attack me personally, about something that I have been struggling with my whole life. I have an eating disorder. It's true. You don't know how it came about, and why and how does my eating disorder affect you? Does it suddenly make me eligible for hatred and bitter judgement?

I was the kid who didn't know who Santa was, didn't have a play-station, didn't believe in the tooth fairy, didn't have the latest branded clothes, couldn't swim, couldn't play sports with the other kids (I find coordination very difficult), didn't have the latest gadgets. I owned my schoolbooks and a couple of pens, that was it. My family was dirt poor, my dad used to have more debt than his salary each month. We lived on credit cards. But, I had a passion for learning. Every day, I had to hear the snickering, the laughing, the joking of how pathetic I was, as if I could help it. Like I said, nothing's changed. Today, I'm getting the same treatment.

But, I was the one getting the grades, leaving the bullies behind as they have to re-sit another year in the same grade, etc.

I'm not imagining things. I know how my classmates used to hate me because they all failed a test in a particular class and only me and another girl passed. I know, because I remember what they said about her behind her back. So, no doubt, saying the same things about me when I'm not listening.

For all the effort they put in, all the make-up, all the dressing-up, all the working out and looking good, only to be "pipped at the post" by some fat kid who never ran one lap around an athletic's track (well, not true, I did actually in high school, but you get my point. ), it's got to piss them off, no doubt.

You know..... from all of the bad experiences you've had, you seem to attribute it to being overweight. With the test? You did excellent, and people were resentful. That doesn't have to do with you being overweight - it has to do with you being smart! Not that that's any better, but it's actually a logical connection.

So, people dislike you due to your successes and your intelligence - not because you're large. What have people actually said to you, your classmates, that makes it 100% clear that it's about your weight? Tons of people are jealous of success and intelligence - intelligence isn't something that everyone can achieve (what a shame though!). Body size isn't always a role in that - jealous of intelligence/success are totally their own things! They don't even need to go together themselves - there are tons of successful people who aren't actually very intelligent! And tons of intelligent people who aren't very successful.

The mirror theory goes both ways.... some people make bad first impressions (I think you might be in that category yourself right?)... and if you retaliate, well, those people who make bad first impressions (or whom you misread, because yes, that DOES happen... frequently, to all of us) will then go "why bother!" and just let it be the way you see it. It sucks having to be the better person, but sometimes those people are actually quite great. Just the same as the opposite works - sometimes the people who seem like they're going to be amazing and great friends end up being terrible.

If everyone quits and retalitates then well.... yeah just not very pleasant.

I hope that the person you're going to lunch with is one of those people who doesn't just quit. It'd be great if you could see someone like that!

But, what I'm saying is, I know the real reason for it, is intelligence perhaps, or whatever, but they are using my weight as an excuse to turn it on me.

Do you see what I'm saying? They are doing it to try to justify. So, their true feeling is that they got outdone by me in a test for example. They are angry about that because they initially judged me (by my weight, clothing, etc.) to be lower than them. Now I've pipped them, and they are angry because it didn't turn out the way they said it should have. Now, when I try to be friends with them, etc. they see their chance to stick the knife in, do you see what I'm getting at? So they withhold friendship, time, acceptance, etc. from me in order to get back at me. I approach them always in the most friendliest of manners and just want to hang out with them. They indicate to me to get lost.

I was even shown this vision in a dream one night, and the image of the dream began to fall into place about 2 years later once I began to discover all of this.

And the beauty is, I didn't quit. The person who I met has no reason to quit, because I had no reason to do anything, because the person didn't judge, you see?

Nobody quit on me and nobody retaliated - and that's all I ever wanted.

People perceive me to be some kind of thing to overcome or conquer in order to control me, instead of just being open, and then they find out the hard way that they can't overcome me because their intentions with me are not pure.

HOW do you know it's because of your weight? What have people actually SAID? Those same people?

This thread has been closed at the OP's request.