[adnbrazil]

Hi folks.

This is my first post. I'm brazilian, 29, male.

I've been having, since I can remember, a problem with relationships and rejections, more precisely when I've been with someone for a long time and they doesnt grow any real feelings for me. I never got past the first time it happened, and every time it happens I carry that feeling and that person on my mind forever. Had one at 2004, one at 2007, and now, 2015, it happened again. Same story.

1- With been together exclusively dating each other for months.
2- I start falling in love for the girl.
3- She says it's only physical and doesn't feel the same.
4- I can't deal with it, I try to play it cool so she doesnt go away or get scared, hoping someday she'll feel the same way.
5- She goes away, finds someone else and I just can watch.

I think I never had a day where I didn't felt rejected, even when I was commited, even on a 5 year relationship, I still had those feelings for the previous heart breaks.

This time, the girl felt nothing emotionally, met a guy after me and now she moved in with him.

I can't sleep. I can't eat. I can't rest.

I really need some help and advice. I'm so exhausted of hearing "thats normal", "that happens". Something is wrong with me.

Thanks for your time.
adn

Have you examined the type of women you have been dating? Are you drawn to women that perhaps don't have the stuff for a long-term relationship? Dating material and settling down material are not necessarily the same thing.

With that said, don't start settling just for the sake of hoping things will work out.

[WifeofBPD]

I had it explained to me once by a therapist that if we have unresolved feelings with an individual, we often seek out similar people so that we can eventually have closure. What often happens, though, is that we continue to get hurt by the same types of people.

Are you actively seeking out a relationship? If so, do you see a pattern in the women you choose? Be reflective (and honest with yourself) and try to figure out what it is in yourself that makes you seek out those type of individuals. I have told friends in the past, and had to take my own advice a few times, that you have to work on yourself first because another person cannot "fix" you. They add to you, they emphasize your good traits and help you be kind to yourself about the negative ones, they lift you up and support you when you need it. (And that goes vice versa, too)

I would say to focus on being the best you that you can be. The right person will find you...

Best Wishes!!

~Seanachai~