can abusive people be kind and loving?

is it possible for somebody to be abusive and kind

Yes. Are you familiar with the "Cycle of Abuse"? It is a known phenomenon that an abuser might be nice part of the time, only to return to being abusive.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cycle_of_abuse

Absolutely. That is part of the problem of why it is so difficult to leave an abuser. If they were abusive all the time it would be easy to leave but they have periods when they are loving and gentle. I found that very confusing and I could not understand how someone so kind could be so cruel and it was only when I began to fear for my life that I was ready to leave my abuser.

Abusers use -Intermittent Reinforcement. Which means they are nice sometimes and mean sometimes. You stay to get the "reward" of their sometimes pleasant behavior. That is why it is so puzzling.

Definition:

Intermittent Reinforcement - Intermittent Reinforcement is when rules, rewards or personal boundaries are handed out or enforced inconsistently and occasionally. This usually encourages another person to keep pushing until they get what they want from you without changing their own behavior.

Total agreement. It's what they do, not just to the abuser but people around them. In my experience aome abusers put on quite the 'show' publically to cultivate themselves a following. They are extremely charismatic surrounding themselves with people who fall for the show and think they are great - a 'diva' personality if you will. Their 'friends' would never question he/she have an alternate persona of abusive behaviour. In my case that was one of the things that made it so hard to leave. He would be so nice to me at times that made me think I was some kind of bad person for questioning his behaviour then flip over into a mean, self-centered, abusive monster. Yes, it was hard to find supporters when I did leave, but I found it afterall and was able to do so.

Are you in danger emotionally or physically? Are you able to find support where you are? Do you need help?

Yes. And I've also noticed that an abusive person can single one person out to treat exceptionally well, while treating others very badly. This way the abuser can use the other person to their advantage as if to say "You're crazy, I'm not abusive, me and ___ have a great relationship - it must be you who's the abusive one."