[okiedokie]

Why is it there seems to be a cavern of misunderstanding between mothers and daughters? I had it with my mother and now, I'm in it with my daughter.

She thinks everything I do and/or say is a putdown for her. I don't know how to explain it...I guess, she views every act on my part as directly related to her somehow.

I can never say the right thing, or say it the right way, or have the right look on my face when I say it.

She's leaving for London next week. I've supported her financially for the last 8 months. I've given her money for her trip. I've offered to take care of her dog while she's gone. She doesn't consider my supporting her as doing something out of the kindness of my heart. She sees it as my duty. She will be 22 in 6 months.

About her dog, she wants to make it as easy as possible on her doggie daycare provider so she told me tonight that I can see the dog on weekends. Oh, btw, I have to buy the flea medicine every month and pay any vet bills that may come up.

I love my daughter dearly, but I don't think she will appreciate me until she's 40. Why do we do that? I was just beginning to appreciate my own mother and she died before we could work it all out. Why, why, why???

Life is too short, way too short. I wish I knew then what I know now. I guess I didn't get smart enough, quick enough. It doesn't look like my daughter will either.

Sorry this is so long. If you read this far into it, I sincerely thank you.
As always,
Okie

[SeptemberMorn]

I think they call it "the generation gap." All you can do is state your boundaries and keep to them. It's her dog and she's responsible for it whether she's in England or not.

If it was me, I might be tempted to be responsible for the dog's bills IF she acted appreciative. Not if she didn't. You gotta teach them that niceness and gratefullness works a lot better than demands do. "You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar."

[deborah42]

i never had a good relationship with my mom .she was so hard to get along with.now i have my own kids and i understand its hard to bring up teenagers hey i was 1 of them.hang in there........hopefully it will get better.

[snowflake_48888]

I have a daughter (30 yrs old) and we get along for a few minutes, sometimes hours, but after that....forget it . This has been going on since she was about 14 yrs old. I have learned to pick my battles with her and let the majority slide.....not worth it.

You are right...life is too short.....so within my boundaries I am and still learning to let it go.

Good luck
Snow

[Direction]

I agree with sept - she's 22 to now - if she wants to be unappreciative - you have no obligation to financial put yourself out there. You did that from birth to 18...the rest is a gift...underappreciated I too would find it difficult to continue...you may consider the last great gift you give her...

[tiodlliwi]

ahhhh... mothers and daughters...

I am 27 and for the first time in my life realizing, through my own experiences and from talking to other girlfriends, that this relationship is unlike any other and very delicate.

I think that both sides quite often feel that same sense of "nothing I do or say is right or enough". It's tough. I've always gotten along with my mother but am realizing that we both hold a lot in and don't really talk even though we talk all the time. If that makes sense.

I was probably your daughter a few years ago. Now that I have a home and a husband, I'm at the point where I'm almost rejecting any help or advice and learning to do my own thing. I think this bothers her more than when I did take advantage and was slightly ungrateful... go figure.

[bebop]

2 words here....tough love. you are not responsible for her financially hon. you already paid for her to go to England and hon that is more than I would have done. you have to let her grow up now and kick her out of the nest sort of. if it is something she really needs and can't afford it then ok help her out but hon to pay for her "wants" is another thing.