[annalie911]

My husband is in the care of a psychiatric team, in inpatient treatment, for his first manic episode after being misdiagnosed and treated for depression, anxiety and insomnia. Misdiagnosed may be the wrong word, he was suffering from those things but the possibility for bipolar disorder was missed and the medication threw him into a mania. I am financially dependent on him but in his episode he left home, accusing me of trying to detain him (because I wanted him to get a second opinion on his diagnoses after he almost injured me by pressing the gas on the car while I was trying to get out because he was angry at me), quit his job, spent well over $3,000 at least on a suit, shoes, camera, gaming system and other things which I just found out after a hotel he was staying at out of town sent me the things he left after he was put on 5150 hold and was making plans to leave the country and travel all over the world. We have two children, 4 years old and a 5 month old. This is not the man I married, and friends, family, NAMI support group members, psychologists, social workers...keep reminding me not to take it personally when he says and does hurtful things. I called him tonight after recieving three boxes from the hotel with his notes, receipts, and new toys. I made a rule for myself to only speak to him when he calls me but I was so overwhelmed with emotion I had to talk to him so I broke my rule and now I regret it. Although he seems to have come down from his manic state to his previous hypomanic state, he is still so non-chalant about everything that happened and insists he isn't upset that I ended up getting a protective order on him, but he keeps bringing it up and saying that it was good for me but now he has to take care of himself and he doesn't agree with what I did. He has all these plans about what he is going to do when he gets out of the hospital about finding work again, living with a friend, going back to school and when I asked if he planned on discussing anything with me his response was "Did you consider discussing getting that protective order with me?" Is there anyone that has advice on how to stay strong other than reminding myself that "This isn't him talking, its the illness" Even though I know it isn't logically okay to think this way, I still get these little irks inside me that say "Maybe this is how he really feels about you, maybe you did drive him into a mania, maybe the version of him that loves and is devoted to you is the sick version" AND YES I have a psychologist I have been seeing since before this happened but I haven't been able to see him recently because I'm trying to get out insurance square again so I don't have to deal with the hassle of filing another claim to get our money reimbursed. Im trying to make it until I can get in to my psych again I know my anxiety has a lot to do with my inability to reason right now.

I know you are having a terrible time yourself but I see you fighting this as opposed to trying to find a way to be more supportive

[Trippin2.0]

I think you just have to leave him be for now, distance yourself until he comes down, hopefully he wont' crash while in hospital, because then you'll have a depressed husband.

I've never been full blown manic, but even hypo, I'm idk, different. My mouth has no filter, I say whatever comes to mind, I get agitated, the sound of your breathing alone can literally set me off. Once during a really bad episode I was delusional though, and accused my BF of wanting me (his GF) to be his best man in his future wedding to a woman he would meet crossing the street in the next week.

So no, what we say might be what we are thinking, but we are not always thinking with our rational mind. especially not within an episode.

The fact that he's still making grandiose plans shows he's nowhere near baseline, severe hypo maybe, or mildly manic, but nowhere near your baseline husband.

Remember that while this affects you directly, it really isn't about you, so don't own it, don't take it upon yourself and make it about you.

Its about him being sick and needing help, needing to land safely and seeing his wife is still on the ground waiting for him.

I know you didn't knowingly sign up for this when you got married, it was a hidden clause under "for better or worse", but remember, we didn't sign up for it either, we just got dealt a really shytti hand of cards, and have to learn how to play as best we can.

[annalie911]

Thank you for sharing your experience, it helps. I think I'm having a hard time because he and I went through this together with his sister who suffers from schizophrenia and its just so hard for me to separate the experience we had together and this experience where its just me just watching him slip away.

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

I think you just have to leave him be for now, distance yourself until he comes down, hopefully he wont' crash while in hospital, because then you'll have a depressed husband.

I've never been full blown manic, but even hypo, I'm idk, different. My mouth has no filter, I say whatever comes to mind, I get agitated, the sound of your breathing alone can literally set me off. Once during a really bad episode I was delusional though, and accused my BF of wanting me (his GF) to be his best man in his future wedding to a woman he would meet crossing the street in the next week.

So no, what we say might be what we are thinking, but we are not always thinking with our rational mind. especially not within an episode.

The fact that he's still making grandiose plans shows he's nowhere near baseline, severe hypo maybe, or mildly manic, but nowhere near your baseline husband.

Remember that while this affects you directly, it really isn't about you, so don't own it, don't take it upon yourself and make it about you.

Its about him being sick and needing help, needing to land safely and seeing his wife is still on the ground waiting for him.

I know you didn't knowingly sign up for this when you got married, it was a hidden clause under "for better or worse", but remember, we didn't sign up for it either, we just got dealt a really shytti hand of cards, and have to learn how to play as best we can.

[Trippin2.0]

He's not slipping away, he's just hidden by his symptoms, and its temporary. This beast is cyclical by nature, so this current episode can't last forever, that you can be sure of.


You don't have to just sit by and watch either, write him letter that he can read when he gets discharged, educate yourself on his new diagnosis, whether that be reading up, speaking to his doctor, attending a support group, or asking for info on the BP forum.


You don't have to sit by idly and feel helpless.


Sadly, how he copes afterward will gave alot to do with the state his marriage is in.


He'll naturally feel guilt ridden, confused, lost, and if he even smells that he may have to deal with this alone, that this episode has irrevocably changed things between you, well that wont make recovering from it and adjusting to this label any easier.


I feel for you, I do, I know how negatively our behaviors can affect our loved ones. So I am not trying to invalidate your experience by any means, but if you can't make him the focal point of this episode, then you may want to think long and hard about the future of your marriage.

[healingme4me]

I'd probably work hard at rewiring the thought process about causing his mania. You couldn't have possibly caused this.

There's lots to consider about the future. How he communicates with you, etc. It's not OK for him to speak to you the way that you've written.

Could be a while before he stabilizes.

Sending ((((hugs))))