[maybejane]

I am having a difficult time dealing with my younger brother and now I'm constantly analyzing it. It's driving me crazy.

All my life I tried to keep my family together. I think it's because I'm a middle child. But now I want to give up this mission for good. Enough is enough.

My relationship has been strained with my younger brother for many years. He tends to blame me for things I had nothing to do with, but doesn't tell me. I usually find out indirectly and I am shocked that he would blame me. It doesn't make sense to me.

I've had enough of his disrespectful behaviour towards me. He never responds if I text him about something important. He presents himself like a charmer, yet he never keeps his promises. If he wants something from you, he'll be your best buddy, but vice versa, he won't help me out so I don't ask.

To keep my family together, I used to call him and he would say things like he has no time to talk because he's watching a TV show, so I stopped calling him.

He recently borrowed money from my father (he has a history of not paying my dad back) because he was in dire need. My dad wasn't going to give him any, but my brother was almost crying. He promised profusely that he would pay dad back within 30 days when he is paid from a lucrative contract, which would have been early May. I know he was paid because he emailed me to brag.

In July (I wasn't there), my father mentioned the loan to him and my brother got very furious and said, "What money? I don't owe you any." Then my brother stormed off and hasn't called my dad ever since. He didn't even call at Thanksgivings which is very upsetting. I really don't understand why my brother got so furious when my dad asked. Why didn't he just say, I'll pay you back soon. What the hell is wrong with him?

My father is elderly and needs help. I've been the only one helping my father and my idiot brother is MIA.

I want to end my relations with my brother for good, but I find myself constantly analyzing the relationship and all the BS stuff he has done to me.

I don't want to send him birthday cards or Christmas cards anymore. If I see him at a family function, I'll be civil. Unfortunately, even when I made up my mind, I can't seem to stop analyzing it and wondering why my bother is acting like this.

[marmaduke]

You brother is selfish. Maybe he has a personality disorder like narcissism. They lie and take and lie and take.
You wont be able to change him so let go. He is what he is.
Accept he is never going to be what you want him to be. Don't expect anything of him, don't send cards.
Move forward.

[avlady]

i agree with marmaduke

[ChipperMonkey]

I think its time to let go.

You're trying to rationalize something that can NOT be rationalized. Its like trying to find your way out of a never-ending house of mirrors. Or like living in the twilight zone where nothing makes sense. Or even like falling down the rabbit hole.

You have a rational mind, he does not. There is no rationalizing with these people, there is no reasoning, there is no normal interactions, discussions, etc. The harder you try, the more frustrated you will become. There is something inside of them that is "broken" and cannot be fixed. (I hate to use that sort of term, but yes, there are disorders out there which cannot be fixed no matter how many drugs a doctor prescribes you or how many therapists you see. Some people are just missing SOMETHING that cannot be replaced or fixed.)

Moving on is hard, but I think it may be best for your own health and sanity. Good luck.

[maybejane]

Thank you Marmaduke, avlady, and ChipperMonkey for your responses. I appreciate it your thoughts. I know that there is no point in analyzing it, but my mind wanders back to him and I seems to automatically go through all the hurtful things that he has done to me, and also my father. I will try hard to stop rationalizing his irrational hurtful behaviour.