[Artchic528]

I am soo conflicted.

I am on Match and a guy emailed me on there. He's perfect personality wise but he's a bit chubby, which I am not particularly fond of. I feel so shallow and hipocritical. The reason I am teetering like I am is because I want to be in love but at the same time I want a relationship that isn't a repeat of my last one, where I wasn't really into the guy physically.

I don't feel right stringing a guy along for the sake of being in a relationship.

I also hate it when I have to tell a guy I'm dating about my struggles with MI. It feels like a bunch of skeletons in my closet. That and the risk of the guy not being accepting of it.

I just don't know...

[avlady]

you're right, you should not string this guy along if you're not sure if you aren't pshysically attracted to him. not to say looks are everything, but if there is some doubt about his looks it could be a dealbreaker. there are many guys i've found out myself that i wasn't all that attracted to in my life, but i did still have feelings for them as they treated me well. with your struggles too maybe you should get it out in the open first too so you aren't the hurt one if they can't accept you for who you are.good luck

[Artchic528]

So...should I respond?

[Steiner of Thule]

I would think not if you find him unattractive physically. Sure I know some people would say it's the inside that matters which of course that matters but I can agree that it can be difficult to stay if they just aren't able to turn you on and you'll end up feeling a sort of disgust at yourself for lying to them because you're feeling desperate.

[divine1966]

I would meet him first and wouldn't judge by the picture. Meet and see if you two click. Of course you need to respond. My BF is overweight ( trying to lose for health reason) and I am very much attracted to him. I believe attraction comes from within. We've been together 6 months and started a discussion of marriage. His looks are a nonissue. I am a small woman but am ok if others aren't small

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I do have to point out that I recall reading a post just yesterday in which you were lamenting guys possibly passing you over because you may be a bit chubby. Of course, if it's a dealbreaker for you, then no I wouldn't respond to him. However, if you'd like people to give you a chance...maybe give them one as well. He could be a pretty great guy!

[Trippin2.0]

I wouldn't make my final judgment based off of a picture... Probably because I'm not at all photogenic, yet I'm apparently quite attractive.


Idk, somehow I always look high or drunk when photographed


I agree you shouldn't string him along, but I also agree that you should at least give him half a chance.


Who knows, he may have put up a bad picture on purpose, to weed out the shallow women, or he photographs badly, orrrr you find him attractive even though he's chubby too.


You wont find a husband by shooting down prospects before you've met them.

[Steiner of Thule]

Originally Posted by Ruari

I do have to point out that I recall reading a post just yesterday in which you were lamenting guys possibly passing you over because you may be a bit chubby. Of course, if it's a dealbreaker for you, then no I wouldn't respond to him. However, if you'd like people to give you a chance...maybe give them one as well. He could be a pretty great guy!

It's one of those things I guess- chubby people don't feel inclined to date other chubby people just because they are chubby

[ChipperMonkey]

Is he just a bit "chubby" or are you being PC and he's actually more along the lines of obese?

On the one hand, maybe you could give him a chance if he's just a little overweight. Maybe things will be pure magic and the little extra weight won't even bother you anymore.

On the other hand, if you're just not feeling it...maybe its best to not respond because you don't want to string him along.

On another hand (wait, too many hands here, but you KWIM!), its JUST one date! Nothing more, nothing less, just you going out and having a good time with someone. And given the fact that MOST people who meet online don't end up "clicking".....I say just go for it because what do you have to lose? One date doesn't mean much of anything, especially not a commitment! You're both still feeling each other out at this point.

Take a leap of faith and meet the guy!

Originally Posted by Steiner of Thule

It's one of those things I guess- chubby people don't feel inclined to date other chubby people just because they are chubby

I do get it; I've always preferred tall, thin men (think of what a swimmer is built like and you have my kind of guy). I've always been a big girl. I don't think other people considered me fat because I was incredibly fit in my teens and early 20's (track--threw shot and disc, and I was a runner in my 20's), but I was stocky. Now I can probably say I'm fat, but I still loooove those tall, thin guys. I think I would still give the guy a chance though; I've found over the years that the way we look is pretty changeable and fleeting.

PS I have this theory that we're attracted to our opposites. Probably not scientific, lol. It's just my own thing.

[divine1966]

Weight could also change. It's not like height. Not set in stone

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[Artchic528]

Good point Divine. I replied to his message. Thought I would at least give him a chance. Just found out he's a decade younger. I'm 32 and will be 33 on the 20th of next month, and he is 23. Does that make me a cougar?

[divine1966]

Proceed with caution. Other than that there are no rules. I think age isn't important, it's important where you are in life.

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[Artchic528]

Eh, good point. We are making arrangements to meet for coffee this weekend sometime. Might as well do something to get out of the house for a change.

[Trippin2.0]

Good for you!!!

Keep us posted

[Artchic528]

Yeah. I will.

It's turned into a gaming session with laptops. Not a bad way to spend an afternoon.

[Trippin2.0]

I agree, not bad at all, enjoy!

[sammo777]

why not respond -- you don't have to marry him next week! Dating doesn't have to be about "looking for the one". You can have a casual date, enjoy each others' company, and it doesn't have to go any further. What if he knows he's a little chubby, and ups his game and goes the gym? and the flab melts away and you realise what a hottie you've got? you just never know x