[fenval]

I am here for a friend. She is in a toxic relationship, she knows it and no matter what I say she tells herself she is stuck, which is not true.

Her boyfriend is depressive and he doesnt treat her well. He has no job and still lives under his parent's roof, he just doesn't know what it's like to have responsability. I don't know him personaly but I know enough to see him as a manipulavitve person. He often yell on Emma (fictive name) because she knows she has a trauma about it. He then starts crying, saying he is sorry and telling her he loves her so much. He ask her sexuals services right fater, saying it would cheer him up. It's like this each time, he scares her, act as a victim of his sickness and abuse of her.

Listening her each time makes me so angry, if I was close I'd try to do something personaly but they live so far from me now... I can just listen and try to convince her but she still thinks she is stuck. She says she still love him a bit, even if she wants to live. He said to her that he would not support it if she left, he would kill himself. Even if he doesn't, he would go into a deeper depression probably and she doesn't want that. So she stays with him, knowing she is being abused and had to ***** herself to cheer him up. It's been 3 years now.

I had a depressive friend that I loved so much before. I was there for her, always listening and helping her each time. She died, no matter what I did and it caused me so much pain inside... I don't want this to happen again. I was too passive, I need to do something for her. This a**hole will end up killing her little by little if it continues. I already told her to call a professionnal for him, or just to ask advices on how to leave a depressive guy. She's not listening. The only thing I can do is to support her... Is there really nothing I can do to help her, from far away?

[ChipperMonkey]

You can offer support. But eventually that will wear you down. She won't leave until she is ready to leave.

He's holding her manipulatively hostage with the suicide threats. She still thinks she can save him and that's part of why she stays. She can't save him. He needs professional help.

If it were me, I'd be blunt and tell her like it is. I'd probably lose the friend but oh well. Years down the line the friend would probably think back and kick herself for not listening, not getting out sooner.

I agree with Chipper Monkey. I also would buy the book COPENDEND NO MORE By Melody Beattie and give it to your friend to read. And one for yourself to read. Strong people feel they want to do and help others. There is a line that one can cross trying to do too much, you cross a boundary line and end up draining your own self in the process which is not good. Hard Love is hard to give but sometimes necessary in situations like this. And mostly you can turn her over into Gods hands and continue to pray for her. tc