[Nissala]

Four years ago when my son brought his now wife home to live with us I welcomed her with open arms, treated her as one of my own children, helped her anyway I could when she had her children, and so did my daughter. Due to things my daughter in law did over the first three years here, such as lying, stealing my meds and other things, I told my son about things she had been doing, not to come between them but for him to possibly get her help for her issues. Of course she lied when he confronted her and he believed her.

I still tried to get along with her, helping with the children and such but things have severely changed since I moved back home from Florida. I was only gone 4 months for work and had a nervous breakdown. Since being back she acts as if she hates me, doesn't talk to me (even though I'm in my room most the time, the times I'm not there is no conversation) she knows of my condition but doesn't seem to care. My son now rarely talks to me also, I can only suppose due to things she's said to him about me but don't know for sure.

So, there is a lot of tension here especially when everyone is home. I stay in my room most the time because I cry a lot, and have bad anxiety. I can be in here all day and no one checks to see if I'm okay or when dinner is ready, I'm never asked if I want to eat, they just go on like I'm invisible. I still try to help with the children when I'm able, but she doesn't want my help, says she's got it. So I mostly just try to stay out of their way.

Does anyone have any coping skills to deal with this situation? The major depression and anxiety are hard enough to try and deal with, adding tension is pushing me slowly over the edge...

[LookingforCalm]

From an outsider point of view, it seems to me that you are being taken advantage of in every way possible.

I'm so sorry you're going through so much. I can't help but think that a "come to Jesus" meeting might be in order for your son and your daughter-in-law. Have you talked to them about what is going on with you? About setting boundaries? Do they contribute financially to the home and other expenditures (like food, electricity)? I know times are tough for people, but I don't see why they need to live with you for four years...

I feel awful that you feel like a prisoner in your own home. I think it might do you good to write down what you're feeling, and maybe get up your nerve to discuss with them what you think should happen while they live with you. You are being very generous by letting so many people live with you, and to have them ignore you is rude. Do you think you would be able to have a talk with them about maybe not only what is going on with you, but talking about what is going on with them and what their plans are?

[hvert]

Can you move out or have them move out? It sounds like a stressful living situation.

[cakeladie]

I am sorry for what is happening to you. Who's house is it? If it's yours then you need to sit everyone down for a talk. I would also put a lock on your door that way she can't get into your room.

She used those months that you were away to turn your son against you and that is so wrong.

Stay strong. Sending you hugs

[ChipperMonkey]

Who owns the house or is in the lease?

[JLarissaDragon]

It sounds like you are really being exploited. You should not have to be a "prisoner" in your own home. I think a talk with your son is very much in order, at least find out where he is coming from. Since it is your house you should not be the one to leave

[Nissala]

Originally Posted by LookingforCalm

From an outsider point of view, it seems to me that you are being taken advantage of in every way possible.

I'm so sorry you're going through so much. I can't help but think that a "come to Jesus" meeting might be in order for your son and your daughter-in-law. Have you talked to them about what is going on with you? About setting boundaries? Do they contribute financially to the home and other expenditures (like food, electricity)? I know times are tough for people, but I don't see why they need to live with you for four years...

I feel awful that you feel like a prisoner in your own home. I think it might do you good to write down what you're feeling, and maybe get up your nerve to discuss with them what you think should happen while they live with you. You are being very generous by letting so many people live with you, and to have them ignore you is rude. Do you think you would be able to have a talk with them about maybe not only what is going on with you, but talking about what is going on with them and what their plans are?

I have tried to have a meeting with them to discuss things but they never want to talk about it. My son pays all the bills here, and they get food stamps so buy the groceries. I just paid the house off when I lost my job last year and had to pull out my retirement to survive on until I could get another job. Then had to quit the one job I found after five months of looking because of the depression and anxiety.

My son and I are both on the deed to the house. When I divorced in 2003, I wanted to ensure my sons (my youngest took his life in 2006) would have a place to call home, since we were constantly being threatened by my husband to be kicked out and be homeless. The plan at the time was by the time the house was paid for I would have either be remarried or be financially stable enough to get another smaller one for myself....now that is not possible. No job, no income, no source of financial help. I feel because I can't help pay utilities and such I have no say so as to what they do. If they did decide to move out, I'd have a roof over my head but no utilities or food.

My daughter in law and I did have a talk a few weeks ago and during the conversation she said she loved me like a mother...and other things she was thankful for me doing, but it all seems a lie due to the way to acts. Actions speak louder than words.

Nissala,

It might be helpful to talk to someone at the Department of Human Services (or its equivalent in your state) about what benefits you may be eligible for. I would think that you are probably eligible for food benefits at the very least.

You might also ask them about resources to help you and your son and his family to work out an agreement that would be fair to all of you. If you are very depressed, it's very reasonable to ask for help in doing this.

[divine1966]

Why do they get food stamps? Why don't they work? If you can't afford the house could you apply for subsidized housing and live in a small apartment by your self? They are adults and can live elsewhere. Why is he on a deed? This is all confusing. Can you sell the house?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I don't understand the dynamics. But as the house is owned equally, the individual contributing more to the household really is in the position of making and dictating the rules.

It seems though they are doing so with litte respect for you. I agree with comments above suggesting you take some control of your own concerns and needs by moving into a more independant situation. There is help you are likely entitled to. So too should you seek some legal advise about having your son buy you out of your share of the home and assets. This is no different that the situation of couples divorcing.