[Whoaminoone]

I filed for divorce from my abusive husband about 7 months ago. We were together about 10 years; married about 8 years. We have three children together (9, 5, &4).
My problem is...even though I left, and filed for divorce, I can't seem to stay away from him!! When he tells me to do something, I get so anxious of the potential consequences if I don't that I end up doing what I'm told. I spend more time at his house than at my own place because I'm so scared of upsetting him (like when he has visitation, I end up staying the weekend too and being responsible for the children while he does his own thing...but starts the intimidation act if I try to leave at any point). He ignores the fact that we are even in the middle of a divorce. If it's mentioned, he just laughs and says, "So? It's just a piece of paper. It doesn't change anything."

How do I get myself out of this situation? I'm so genuinely terrified of him that I have panic attacks just imagining his reaction to me not doing as I'm told. Filing for divorce took A LOT for me to do...but it seems pointless since all he did was laugh about it, and he still has complete control over me!

[Cat_Lover_58]

I'm not sure what the answer is for you. I'm sure that somebody here has gone though this. I will say that if you are intimidated/terrified of him then this needs to be addressed for you and for your children.

I divorced years ago and I didn't think I could survive single, especially financially. I struggle but better alone than with him. He was emotionally controlling but I was never terrified of him.

Keep posting and letting us know what's going on. Hugs to you!

[Fuzzybear]

Filing for divorce from him shows your strength

(Abusers are all about control )

Keep posting, this is a safe place

[Hope 51]

Originally Posted by Whoaminoone

I filed for divorce from my abusive husband about 7 months ago. We were together about 10 years; married about 8 years. We have three children together (9, 5, &4).
My problem is...even though I left, and filed for divorce, I can't seem to stay away from him!! When he tells me to do something, I get so anxious of the potential consequences if I don't that I end up doing what I'm told. I spend more time at his house than at my own place because I'm so scared of upsetting him (like when he has visitation, I end up staying the weekend too and being responsible for the children while he does his own thing...but starts the intimidation act if I try to leave at any point). He ignores the fact that we are even in the middle of a divorce. If it's mentioned, he just laughs and says, "So? It's just a piece of paper. It doesn't change anything."

How do I get myself out of this situation? I'm so genuinely terrified of him that I have panic attacks just imagining his reaction to me not doing as I'm told. Filing for divorce took A LOT for me to do...but it seems pointless since all he did was laugh about it, and he still has complete control over me!

Keep reaching out. You are VERY COURAGEOUS for filing for divorce. Don't forget you are not alone. There is help out there.

[(JD)]

Links for counties in OK

You are still under his control hon.

Call for help, the resources on how to become really free from him.

Find a safe place to live, block his calls, file petitions whatever. Make sure if you share the children that you nor he makes the exchange at your home nor his and not any place nearby either...a truly neutral zone.

Make sure you have filed (newspaper) that you are no longer responsible for his debt, and make sure you are OFF his credit cards and lists.... in writing AND call each one... pull his credit report while you can and make sure you have a list of all creditors!

Change your name on the divorce decree before the judge... back to maiden perhaps...

take a martial arts class... you learn self discipline and how to defend yourself against bullies.

BUT really, call the resources ===they have tons of help/advice and might even have a safe house for you to live in while you learn.

You're doing the right thing. DO not talk to him...even if he talks to you. Write things down... keep track of his threats.... etc. He won't change...he will always want to control you...always.