[TryingToMoveForward]

My sister use to be my best friend. We did everything together. Even when she went away to college, I'd go spend weekends with her. Then she met her boyfriend. And I basically stopped existing. Considering the amount of time I spent supporting her when they broke up the first time. And then they got back together. And I supported that. Then they broke up and she was a mess and I was there for her. Then they got back together, they moved to Buffalo and I stopped existing again. I got my first gf and that seemed to put even more distance between my sister and I. Then I decided to move to Texas for grad school and she stopped speaking to me entirely. Saying it was horrible that I moved to Texas to get away from my family. Considering how horrible my family was, who could blame me?

After my psychotic break, I moved back home for recovery and eventually my sister and her fiance (same guy) moved in. And she acted like I was such a bother. They both avoided me like the plague, even though I was just severely mentally ill at that time. It amazes me how supporting, caring and there for her I was through her darkest times...but during my darkest hour she abandoned me. They moved to CT. Worst of all, after the night I almost committed suicide, my mother told me, "You chased your sister away, and I don't think I can ever forgive you."

So I get to see my sister and her fiance tomorrow. She hasn't spoken to me since...June. I made her and her fiance Christmas ornaments. The gifts I sent last year I never got a thank you or even an acknowledgement they were from me. But, its Christmas, and I still love them even though they hurt me emotionally. But I don't have very high expectations, and I hope no one except me to jump for joy when she can't bother to reply even with one word to my text messages. I actually like her fiance a lot better. He's a warm, nurturing caring person and why he puts up with my sister...? I'm a mild BPD, she is a severe BPD. And possibly bipolar but refuses to accept there's anything wrong with her, and doesn't seek treatment...though she harms herself and treats her fiance like crap. She uh...she treats most people like crap and has serious anger issues. So I guess I shouldn't feel like I'm set apart. But she's my parents favorite. They idolize her, and she can't really do anything wrong. Whereas I am the scapegoat for everything and face all the blame for family problems. Hence why she blamed me for chasing them away when they moved.

So yeah. If I'm lucky, maybe I'll be working on Sunday, since I have Saturday off. That would give me one day with them.

Good luck with seeing your sister, sounds complicated. But you're a good brother for sticking with her through thick and thin. Hopefully you can heal some of your relationship in this time you spend with her.

[TryingToMoveForward]

I would love for that to happen but it won't. I spent this year making an effort to repair our relationship and she slams the door in my face every time. She doesn't want me in her life and there's nothing I can do to make it better. She has to want for it to heal and she doesn't.

I can't comprehend this. Because we went to the same college, and after her bf graduated, she would come to my dorm room every weekend and sob on my shoulder. And I would comfort her. Consoled her whenever she thought she was irrationally going to die from cancer (she didn't have it and showed no signs of it, she just had this immense fear of getting cancer and would cry to me all the time about it). I have a psychotic break and can't function and she doesn't want anything to do with me.

She is a very complicated person. I'm complicated too, but I've been in therapy for years and work on myself all the time to get better, become more independent, and get my life back on track. No one in my family really acknowledges my progress. Or even celebrates my victories. No I'm not the most independent person, and maybe I never will be. But I'm trying, you know? When I was really ill, I got treated like I was the scum of the earth, a burden and a complete waste of space...not just by my sister but by everyone else in my family. I know its really hard to live with someone who is mentally ill. My parents are mentally ill and I've dealt with them my whole life, and endured a lot of scarring trauma that I need to work through. I get that. But its okay for them to have a mental illness, its not okay for me. It makes me the worst member of the family. I tried to get my parents help when I became more higher functioning but they just blew me off. I found that national mental health association and gave them the number telling them they have support groups for family members of the mentally ill. But they never called. I am always the problem. I was too gone for a few years to even realize I was being emotionally and mentally abused. Now that I'm out of the haze, I'm just...a little ticked. A little. I was mentally and emotionally abused my whole life, so I guess it wasn't a major change.

I'm sorry...I went off on a tangent that wasn't entirely about my sister. I guess I needed to vent. My family dynamics are, and have always been, extremely complicated and toxic.

[ChipperMonkey]

They're ignoring their own mental issues while you're the diagnosed one, the officially mental one.

Family dynamics don't ever change.

I'm sorry you're going through all this.

[TryingToMoveForward]

My mom was diagnosed with depression, but that therapist wasn't very good. She missed the fact I had two personality disorders, misdiagnosed me as schizoaffective and didn't diagnose me as bipolar. I'm pretty sure my mother is borderline, though its calmed down a lot since she entered her 50s. It use to be intense when I was a child and adolescent.

I'm pretty good at standing up for myself now. I confronted my mom and really laid it on her, and she's been better toward me since then. She's the reason I developed BPD and contributed to my PTSD. If she doesn't like my personality and how I turned it, its really on her. And my dad. I'm doing what I can with the hand I was dealt, to make myself a higher functioning, better person and its going to be a life long struggle. But its worth the effort.

My mom refuses to come in and speak to my therapist because I "tell my therapist horrible things about her" and she doesn't like her and will only side with me, and attack her. Well. If my mother hadn't done horrible things to me, then I wouldn't be saying them. I never make things up. I just tell my therapist what happened. Its not my fault I was abused (which my mother denies).

Anyway, my sister will probably only stay a couple of days. They never stay longer than that, so I'll likely only spend one day with them.

It's ok to vent, sometimes just getting it out is helpful.

You are working on yourself and that's all you can control. You're doing what's in your power to do. You can only hope that one day your family will too.

Until then I think you should find support outside of your family. How do your friends feel about your diagnosis, etc? Or is there a support group you can attend?

[Actiongirl]

Sounds to me if you are being the adult here out of the whole family! Families are very difficult places to be, so am sending you love and light and hopefully you get through these tricky couple of days without receiving more hurt!

(Hugs)

[monkeyyboy]

im in the same boat. my sister is like this to me it seems. what the hell is wrong with her i dont know. anyways i private messaged you. hope you respond.

How did things go with your sister's visit?

[avlady]

i hope you are going to continue to help yourself- it sounds like nobody else in your family has any intentions of helping themselves. good work on getting yourself help it is commendable.

[TerriLynn]

Trying - It sounds like she doesn't know how to handle or react to what you have gone through/are going through. I know, you would think that people close to us that have some mental illness issues would be the most understanding, but sometimes it is just the opposite.

When I had my breakdown, my two best friends - we were always a 3 some whenever we did things together, both bailed on me. One was on meds for depression and anxiety and one had been previously, so you would think they would understand and be able to stand by you, but I think it almost forces them to have to look at issues they dont want to face.

I am sorry you are having a rough time. Just be there, be nice and try not to have high expectations from them. Do your best so that you can continue to look yourself in the mirror and say you did the right thing.

[avlady]

TerriLynn is right. you will know you did the right thing in the end.