[angelagal544]

I am so lost and confused. I lost my mom earlier this year and have been going through hell dealing with it. I was so devasated and my husband wasn't really there to comfort me (we haven't had sex in months and wouldn't even hold each other). I turned to this guy I use to date in my mid 20's and he was giving me the attention I guess I needed. One thing lead to another and we ended up have sex. I was so guilty and told my husband of 17 yrs what happened. He told me he forgives me but there will be consequences. Well now I have discovered what those consequences are. He has been using escorts and had a prepaid cell phone and prepaid credit card. He is on those sex dating sites and has a craigslist ad. He has been busted and he says he wants to work it out. He says he did this because of what I did. I'm so sorry I feel he took this WAY to far. I asked him for a divorce. He wants to work it out. I feel disgusted when I look at him, I know I am the cause of all this. I honestly didn't want to be with that guy. I was heart broken, scared, lonely and grieving. I'm not making excuses for what I did, but I don't think I will be able to accept how far he went with this, and he only stopped because he was busted and saw what it did to me. I have been going to grief counseling, I'm on meds. I can't live like this, his work takes him to different cities around us and I saw he has been in contact with girls from those cities. I said we could try to work it out. But I can't do it. I can't worry about everytime he is late or won't answer my call or text. So I think today I will let him know I can't do it. I don't really have any family here except a brother that I am having to help. I think I'm scared of leaving the only think I've known for 17 yrs, but I can't do it. I look at my husband and I can't believe he did this. I believe he will do it again. He says he threw away that cell phone, I don't believe that. I believe he would still be contacting girls had he not been busted. I just busted him a week ago. Any advise out there?

[Trippin2.0]

Wow, just wow.


I don't even know what to say except that I feel really bad for you.


Yes you cheated first, but what he did was calculated, well thought out and down right cruel.

Plus he spent your joint finances on it!


I doubt I could ever live with that, 17 years or no.


I'm pretty sure it would drive me insane, all the doubting, mistrust, cross questioning.

I just couldn't live like that indefinitely.


Again, I'm really sorry, and also my condolences to you on the loss of your mother.

[Webgoji]

1. Getting back at someone is completely childish. What he did goes beyond just an affair as it is spiteful and cowardly.
2. If you guys want to work it out, you have to go to a marriage counselor and you both absolutely have to approach everything with full disclosure. You have a bunch of trust to work through and it's going to be very slow and painful.

[TerriLynn]

I don't know that I am completely convinced that this started AFTER your affair. He was distant and unresponsive to you before the affair, it makes me think that he was getting his "needs" met elsewhere which is why you were being ignored.

[DBTDiva]

Originally Posted by TerriLynn

I don't know that I am completely convinced that this started AFTER your affair. He was distant and unresponsive to you before the affair, it makes me think that he was getting his "needs" met elsewhere which is why you were being ignored.

Completely agree with this. I think he's probably been doing this since LONG before, he just told you about it now because he could blame you for it. Regardless, his statement "there will be consequences" is messed up. You don't forgive someone and then punish them. You made a mistake because of a series of really unfortunate events that all came together. He actively went out and was on craigslist and paying for sex!!! Totally on purpose, no accident or mistake there. If you don't believe him, trust your gut. It sounds like he might be a sex addict but even so, he's opened himself up to all kinds of drama and disease, and you are vulnerable by extension. It sounds like this is pretty elaborate and I doubt he will stop, I'd run far far far away.

[ChipperMonkey]

Get yourself tested for STI's ASAP!