Grandmother thinks that I'm "mean."?

Hello I'm in the age range of 18-20

I live with my grandmother, lately we've been getting into small disagreement usually over something silly like cooking...
Scratch that...we've been getting into disagreements ever since I turned 8..

I think I do have an anger issue...I've been diganosed with mild Autism and get fustrated easily when people touch my things (I'm not making excuses for my behvaiour and sorry for the typos I'm in a bit of a hurry.)

I don't want to be mean to her I always think to myself what if she died tomorrow? I would be all alone and feel like crap because I said something I didn't mean.
It's hard to control what I say, I'm thinking it may be DID or something because I swear I'm a different person sometimes

I have a lot of fears too, I'm scared of her touching my stuff, I'm scared she may posion it to get revenge on me for how badly I treated her

I also think she holds something against me.
She never liked my father she told me since I was little that she wish he died and doesn't call him my father she call him "sperm donar."
I'm not sure if we're allowed to use this type of words on here so sorry

My mom was I guess abused by him I don't know I never met the guy he called a few times sounding like he was high or something saying how much he "loved me." I think he has some kind of mental disorder

Schizopherina runs on my fahters side and so do other mental disorder i'm not sure about

I want to move out soon...hopefully go to college or something

I wish that I had a job or something so that I could stay out of hair for a few hours but no luck

I'm actually in debt right now, so I doubt if I move out anytime soon

My biggest fear is being alone and saying something I regret, I don't have any friends at the moment if you were to check my phone all the number are takeout

Thanks for uh reading if you did thanks

Hi and welcome to PC. I hope you find ways to improve your relationships soon.

moogs