Need advice on sibling

Hi all - not sure where this post belongs but I would really appreciate any insight you can provide, or experiences you've had that are similar. I'll be brief ... there's a lot more to the whole story - but to summarize:
- my sister has for a long time shown episodes irrational anger towards others (primarily towards her spouse). It would happen in spurts but would always be the same sort of episode, characterized by:
- something small happens that is negative
- she blows it way out of proportion
- exaggerates and sometimes invents irrational details/conclusions
- she becomes verbally abusive
- she is highly defensive and can't be reasoned with

In these moments, she is the victim of something so horrible that the person did when in reality, it's a common misunderstanding or miscommunication.

The episodes seemed to happen more frequently when she was experiencing heavier stress loads from work/life/etc.

Within the past year, she turned one of these episodes on me. Several months have passed and I hear from others that she still believes I'm a monster, she doesn't feel safe around me, and that my wife can't be trusted, etc etc. You'll have to take my word on it that I'm not a monster and my wife is trustworthy. I've been re-assured by other family members that I did nothing wrong.

Still, the path forward is unclear. We spoke to my sister's therapist who claims that "she's doing great and we should talk to her directly". So, this seems to be a dead end.

Does anyone know what sort of psych issue(s) she might be dealing with? If I know this, maybe I can find a way to approach her, heal our relationship, and possibly help her.

Any replies and advice will be greatly appreciated. And I'm happy to answer any questions if you would like more info...

Thanks in advance!

Does she have any sort of trauma history? Abuse, neglect, rape, etc?

hi ChipperMonkey - thanks for the question.

Not to my knowledge. And I've never seen anything that would lead me to think otherwise, accept this pattern of outbursts which can be traced back to at least 20 years ago.

She has been very successful professionally, very funny and an all-around good sister. We are in our 40s now so, it's been a long time since we lived together. But, I believe (hope) the answer to your question is 'no'.

For what it's worth, I read up on borderline personality disorder last night and found that there are some striking similarities between how BPD is characterized and how she acts. The rage, irrationality, defensiveness and over-reactions seem to fit BPD.

Again, I'm not looking to cure her - I just think that, if I know what she's dealing with, I'll better be able to approach her and maybe get closer to fixing our relationship.

Thanks again for your reply.

Possibly borderline personality but we cannot diagnose her here. People with BPD often blame everything on others and can be very over dramatic. Often to the point where they need their issues to be the center of attention. BPD can often be misdiagnosed as bipolar 2. Her therapist probably can't discuss this with you due to patient confidentiality. She should probably be seeing a pdoc too if she isn't already. She needs to get an assessment done and a proper diagnosis.

Dx: BP2, PTSD, bulimia/anorexia
Seroquel 150mgs
Risperdal 4mg
Trileptal 600mgs
Buspar 45mgs
Ativan 1mg PRN
Vyvance 70mgs PRN

Thank you Rx. This makes complete sense. So, is there anything I can do to help her get what she needs? Right now she sees me as the 'enemy' and won't/can't listen to me. Her spouse has been walking on egg-shells their whole marriage and so far has been unwilling or unable to get her what she needs.

I would agree with RxQueen, but I'm not a professional either and can't diagnose. Sounds like she is already getting help which is a good thing. But sometimes it takes time to overcome ingrained behaviors. It might help for you to have a mediator help you talk with her to mend fences.

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This sounds exactly like my mother and sister. Right now my mother thinks I'm a mean nasty horrible ungrateful daughter because I disagreed with her about a text message. It turned out that I had missed part of the text, I apologized but then the next day I get a message saying how horrible I am, how I wouldn't even apologize, how I'm abusive to her, etc... Sounds like a personality disorder to me. Which one, as others have said we cannot dx someone based on info on the internet. Could be something different, but a therapist or psychiatrist can help her and it does sound like she needs help.

All you can all do is protect yourself from her as best you can, because many people refuse to believe they have a problem - they think it is everyone else around them. My mother and sister have never gotten help so I limit my interactions with them as much as possible, so that it is not damaging to me emotionally. I have felt very sorry for all of my sister's ex-boyfriends, who in my observation bent over backwards to give her everything she wanted whenever she wanted it but were always subject to her emotional and verbal abuse (lots of screaming and name calling.) Good luck

Unfortunately you can't force her to get help unless she is a danger to herself. If she ever is a danger to herself or others, phone 911 and have them bring her to a hospital for evaluation. I'm not sure what the laws are where you live but my family petitioned to have me committed when I overdosed on drugs at a party when I was a teen. They put me in a psych ward where I received proper care from therapists and psych docs. Does your sister KNOW she has a problem? Does she want help? If not then I'm afraid you don't have much choice but to avoid her drama. I have BPD and I do/say stupid, over the top stuff mainly when I'm not medicated or when I used to drink everyday. I'll thiNk back on my own actions the next day or hell, the next year and realize how stupid I was. It can be quite embarrassing. Maybe you and the family can put together an intervention? I really wish you the best of luck!

Dx: BP2, PTSD, bulimia/anorexia
Seroquel 150mgs
Risperdal 4mg
Trileptal 600mgs
Buspar 45mgs
Ativan 1mg PRN
Vyvance 70mgs PRN

Could be NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) they are prone to rages over imagined slights and often 'rewrite' history (lie) to suit themselves.
My tough drama queen npd sister can be your best friend or worse enemy depending on her mood.

Within the past year, she turned one of these episodes on me. Several months have passed and I hear from others that she still believes I'm a monster, she doesn't feel safe around me, and that my wife can't be trusted, etc etc. You'll have to take my word on it that I'm not a monster and my wife is trustworthy. I've been re-assured by other family members that I did nothing wrong.

Character assassination/smear campaigns are a favorite pastime with them, and, as their lies are convincing can caused much damage.
The best response to your sister is----------no response, just stay neutral. She'll come round when shes ready.
Luckily your family know you well enough and are sensible enough to not believe her tall tales.

i am an example of this myself. i used to be so bad i wouldn't listen when people told me i needed help. i finally came around to seeing i had a problem after years of feeling low and couldn't work etc. i was called the vegatable by my family, and i had a reason as i was hit by a truck, and in 3 other accidents none of which were my fault. i am so happy someone got me the help i needed and spent time on pshyc wards. did something happen to this person that led to this behavior?good luck