Heart Broken.....

The first time I met him I was 13, I ran away with an older friend and we ended up at this apartment that my now husband was sharing with his first wife. He is 41/2 years older than me. My mom called the police and they picked me up at this apartment. I remember him kneeling down in front of me telling me everything would be ok. He had the greatest smile and beautiful blue eyes. I immediately felt a funny feeling in my stomach. I didn't see him again until I was 15. His then ex-wife was living a few apartments away from where I lived with my mom. He would come over to visit his son, he also had a daughter on the way. He was always so nice to me. I would wave to him from my balcony. I had such a crush on him. I thought he was the most handsome man I ever saw. I never told him because I didn't want to interfere in his life or family. I didn't know at the time they were separated so we lost touch when I moved.............

Fast forward 22 years and several failed relationships for both of us. I decided to start a Facebook page to see if I could locate some old friends. I had just moved back to my home state after living on the west coast for 4 years. I found an old friend of mine from school and we started talking, through her page I found a lot of other people I used to know as well. One day his picture popped up under "people you may know" feature of Facebook. I couldn't believe it! My heart jumped and I got that same feeling in my stomach again. I sent him a message asking if he remembered me. He said of course.

We started talking. At first it was just about what we have been up to for the last 22 years. Then one night I decided that I was going to tell him how I felt all of those years ago. I wanted him to know.....he told me that he felt the same way but never felt good enough for me. I told him he was wrong all along,.....The next day he sent some songs to my phone.....great songs that reminded me of when we were young. For the first time in years I felt like a kid again! He made my heart skip! I had let myself go ever since a bad injury I suffered. I was depressed and lonely living like a machine that woke everyday to handle its responsibilities with no thought to myself. No makeup, no nice clothes no self esteem. But he breathed life back in to me. I went on a diet and lost 44 pounds before I saw him again. Bought a new outfit and had my hair done. I felt like a new woman! I woke up smiling and went to bed happy.

We were in Love so deeply.......he moved in and life was wonderful, we had finally been able to act on the feelings we carried for so many years. We got married, it was wonderful. His mother gave me her first diamond engagement ring. Life was perfect.

Then one day he got angry with me and said some horrible things, I was in shock and thought I must have done something worse than I thought because that wasn't like him. Things started to happen more and more. He was someone different. This is the third time I have ask him to leave the house and he is now living with his parents. He has an appointment to see a therapist on the 23rd and he is also going to see a neurologist about past head injuries. I wonder what happened to the love of my life? Why did he go away. Can therapy ever help or is our marriage doomed? I am heart broken beyond anything I have ever experienced. I still love him, I never imagined we would ever be apart. He has never physically abused me it has been about verbal and control, he also seems to suffer from depression. I am just devastated by what has happened, yet with him gone the tension is also gone....what a way to spend the holidays.

I'm sorry for your struggles. I know you are feeling really bad right now but maybe he will get the help he needs and you can mend the relationship.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I am sorry for your situation. I know the feeling, trust me. I can say this, pray and ask God to give you His peace in this time of your lives. And ask for His guidance, then trust He heard you and is answering your prayer. tc Blessings.

Hmmmm, why do you think he had so many failed relationships????

It definitely wasn't because he treated them well. I'm sure the way he's treating you isn't any different than the way he treated all the other women in his life. That kind of behavior doesn't just pop up in someone's life.

It's NOT called being in love, it called being infatuated by someone you had a crush on at 13 & really NEVER got to know even though you gor married. Shoot, the man I married & lived with in marriage for 33 years I never really knew because of his inability to emotionally connect...(in his case I came to realize 7 years after leaving him that I had been dealing with undiagnosed Asperger's.

Sounds like you are living in a dream world of what you wish life was like & the person you DREAMED him to be rather than in reality. Would be good for you to work on mindfulness in therapy & maybe learn some DBT skills. Often women create a fictional reality in their mind based on hopes & wishes along with lies than guys feed them in order to bait the hook catching them & then reality hits. Sad this happens bu we need to take care of ourselves & not allow ourselves to be manipulated this way because we live in only our emotional mind

I sort of agree....it sounds like you fell for the guy you imagined him to be, the guy you thought you used to know. (It happens to many of us...) I've tried to reconnect with people from my past as well, and it never turns out well. The last time was just this past summer and it made me realize that I was just chasing after something I wasn't able to get the first time around. It was a huge wake up call, and no longer do I try to reconnect with anyone from my past. I've changed, they've changed. Its best to love and accept people for who they are today, and not what they were years ago, or what we imagined them to be.

I'm sorry things went so wrong in the relationship. I don't know his history so I can't really comment on his past. The way he treated you was wrong definitely. I hope he gets help. Do you want to be with him anymore? If so it may take a long time of therapy for him to change so be prepared and try to be patient. I wish you all the best.