[Saltine American]

I have NEVER wanted to be with someone that liked my friends. I had 2 friends, they are long gone to me now. It's not that I think I am better or that their choice in guys suck, but the idea of dating someone that once "liked" dated or even was attracted to one of my friends? YUCK. I suppose it's because My personality is much different than my friends, so beyond looks, I could never want to be with someone that was into my other friends.

So I dated a guy, only for maybe 3 months until October 2013. I never dated him before but he was in the group of people from my past/high school. He was sweet, very shy like me, but it didn't work out. He was actually the first guy I ever called and broke up with saying I was still in love with my ex.

In July 2014 I had a bout of mania, again, broke up with my faithful ex, and started dating a guy from my past. It didn't last long, again.

During that time my best friend had been more than angry with me. Various excuses, none of them valid. But I was surprised when I got a fb message from the oldie from 2013 being flirtatious and asking if I was going to her birthday party.

I rushed to my friends house who I told all about this. She said she had "friended" my ex awhile ago and that is why she invited him.
2 days later I found out they went and seen a movie together. I went to her house and in a dumb way tried to ask questions, giving her EVERY opportunity to tell me she liked him or what. later, on the phone I was a little more up front with her and she got *****y and said they were just friends and I was being paranoid.

A week later she texted me that they were in love and bla bla bla. my response was omg lmao. But then it turned into a hateful rant back and forth. I regret this.

A month later she calls and wants to come over and talk and I say ok? and she sits down and wants only to talk about him and them and how she misses me sooo much. I just told her I don't care. we were friends. now were not. do what you want.

A few months after that, she says she broke up with him and now she has some guy living in her basement who she's screwing but "don't tell anyone"

After that, all communication stopped. Assuming she got back with oldie.

I don't know why I posted this. I am not upset anymore, and I certainly do NOT miss her. I'm just wondering if anyone else has had friendships that ended similarly...

[CopperStar]

I personally wouldn't think it's a big deal, if I had just dated them for a few months years ago. However it sounds like there is more to it than that. You and this former friend were fighting, she was mad at you, there was weird passive-aggressive drama involved, etc. It sounds like it's more about the matter that you and her's friendship was already on the rocks, than about any one specific detail. I would imagine (could be wrong, of course) that if she was a very close friend and things between the two of you were great, then maybe her dating some dude you saw for a few months years ago wouldn't have been a big deal. But if you felt like she was only doing it to "get at you" than I'd imagine the motive itself - to "get at you" - would have been what was hurtful. Do you think there could any truth to that?

I had a very close friend for a year in high school, and she was a lot more attractive than me, so it was typical that a guy I crushed on or tried to hang out with, would end up going after her, instead, and she clearly enjoyed the attention. But because this girl was very special to me and I really enjoyed and cared for her, the guy issues didn't bother me because they paled in comparison to how much I cared for her. However I might have felt differently if she wasn't a true friend and just some girl in my life who created drama.

[ChipperMonkey]

I THINK I have.....HAD......a similar sort of friend! Maybe its a little bit different, but I am having flashes of my situation with her because it rings true of the "sabotaging your happiness" sort of thing.....yanno, the friend who can't leave things alone, she must get into your business and in the end its just an attempt to be controlling or to hurt you in some way? Yeah.

Its better to not have these sorts of people in your life.

As for this friend being in "love".....IMHO people don't know what LOVE is. They think that being in love is merely that infatuation phase you get into, but its not, as true love is so much more. I can fall into lust pretty quickly, but I'm not so stupid as to mistake it for love.

[Saltine American]

Yes Copperstar, Things were rocky before doing this. and she is a very vindictive type of person. I think I definitely thought she did this in the beginning as a way to "get at me" and it turned into something more. I suppose that is why I was very upset, and maybe a bit still fantasize about beating the crap out of her.

[DBTDiva]

Originally Posted by Saltine American

I have NEVER wanted to be with someone that liked my friends. I had 2 friends, they are long gone to me now. It's not that I think I am better or that their choice in guys suck, but the idea of dating someone that once "liked" dated or even was attracted to one of my friends? YUCK. I suppose it's because My personality is much different than my friends, so beyond looks, I could never want to be with someone that was into my other friends.

So I dated a guy, only for maybe 3 months until October 2013. I never dated him before but he was in the group of people from my past/high school. He was sweet, very shy like me, but it didn't work out. He was actually the first guy I ever called and broke up with saying I was still in love with my ex.

In July 2014 I had a bout of mania, again, broke up with my faithful ex, and started dating a guy from my past. It didn't last long, again.

During that time my best friend had been more than angry with me. Various excuses, none of them valid. But I was surprised when I got a fb message from the oldie from 2013 being flirtatious and asking if I was going to her birthday party.

I rushed to my friends house who I told all about this. She said she had "friended" my ex awhile ago and that is why she invited him.
2 days later I found out they went and seen a movie together. I went to her house and in a dumb way tried to ask questions, giving her EVERY opportunity to tell me she liked him or what. later, on the phone I was a little more up front with her and she got *****y and said they were just friends and I was being paranoid.

A week later she texted me that they were in love and bla bla bla. my response was omg lmao. But then it turned into a hateful rant back and forth. I regret this.

A month later she calls and wants to come over and talk and I say ok? and she sits down and wants only to talk about him and them and how she misses me sooo much. I just told her I don't care. we were friends. now were not. do what you want.

A few months after that, she says she broke up with him and now she has some guy living in her basement who she's screwing but "don't tell anyone"

After that, all communication stopped. Assuming she got back with oldie.

I don't know why I posted this. I am not upset anymore, and I certainly do NOT miss her. I'm just wondering if anyone else has had friendships that ended similarly...

I think if you had a serious relationship with someone, they are off limits, but you dated this guy for a couple months, wasn't really into him, and then a few years later your friend dated him. I think that sounds perfectly ok, it wasn't anything serious. If your friends aren't anything like you, perhaps they were a better match. Why are you friends with people who are so different from you? Your bold disclaimer strikes me as very odd.

I don't think your friend needs a "valid" reason to be angry with you. If she's angry, she's angry. That's her deal, if she makes it your problem you can decide if you want to deal with it or not. Sometimes our friendships can be very toxic. I have had friendships that ended over petty, silly drama and some friendships that were really toxic. Most of that was when I was younger, it sounds like you are probably in your early 20s. As we age, people either outgrow drama or they don't; if you do then you tend to not have friendships like the one you describe anymore.

[specialneedsmom]

It sounds like you didn't have much going on with this guy to begin with.

I don't think its horrible that your friend wound up dating him. I don't think she is a bad person. People move on. This guy moved on from you.

I had women accuse me of dating their ex-boyfriend saying "friends don't do that". Problem is, these women were never good friends to me. So I did not consider them my friend to begin with. I suppose if they'd made more of an effort to be a loyal friend to me, I wouldn't have dated their ex boyfriend.