[CopperStar]

Hypothetical Scenario:

You had a serious, romantic relationship with someone for a few years, in the end it got ugly and you decided to end it, and the two of you moved on, dating other people, etc and haven't even been friends or talked hardly at all for the 4 years since the breakup.

Then one night you get an email from this ex lover. The email contains no words, just an attached photo. And the photo is of an "I love you" type note that you left for this ex earlier in the relationship.

Which means that this ex has kept this random, little "I love you" note from you, for like, 5-7 years, and is now randomly out of nowhere sending you a photo of it.

Would you think that's sweet or creepy?

[healingme4me]

Probably neither sweet nor creepy. I'd probably ask, what's up?

Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk

[~Christina]

I agree with healingme4me

[Random]

I think it could be either or. Ive moved before and while packing up things run across things from way long ago and it made me think of exes. Instead of emaling it to them, I normally toss it away but who knows what his motivation was. I agree with healingme, I'd write back and ask unless you arent interested in knowing and want to be left alone. Then, I'd ignore it.

[ChipperMonkey]

I'd be puzzled....and a bit surprised. I mean it says something that after all this time they're still thinking of you! Maybe this person never found anyone else like you and is now regretting the end of the relationship. Maybe this person is regretting not fighting harder to keep you. If its definitely over with no hope of reconcilliation, then I'd probably ignore it and move on. I think that any sort of response would give them hope, even if you told them you could only be friends.

Copperstar, perhaps this perhaps is seeking forgiveness. See what he has to say, you owe him nothing. I think for someone to hold onto something like that is either trying to pick up the lost pieces and start over again. However a leopard cannot change its spots and neither can most people unless they have a spiritual experience that transforms them. Why ruffle your life for turmoil of yesterday? However it sounds like you need to know what his motives or intentions are, and that he needs to resolve something. tc

[avlady]

i would say to try not to build this up into something you can't handle, if you are thinking of getting in touch again, ask alot of questions if they do get in touch again.good luck

[hvert]

I wouldn't like that kind of contact.

[Bill3]

I would find it creepy.

It would creep me out that there is no message or indication of why these former, outdated words of mine are being sent back to me, thrown back in my face if you will, after 5-7 years.

[scatterbrained04]

He may be having regrets about the break up.

If it were me, I think I would ignore it. What's past is past. It's important to me to keep it in the past so I have room for the future.

[hazn]

Originally Posted by CopperStar

Hypothetical Scenario:

You had a serious, romantic relationship with someone for a few years, in the end it got ugly and you decided to end it, and the two of you moved on, dating other people, etc and haven't even been friends or talked hardly at all for the 4 years since the breakup.

Then one night you get an email from this ex lover. The email contains no words, just an attached photo. And the photo is of an "I love you" type note that you left for this ex earlier in the relationship.

Which means that this ex has kept this random, little "I love you" note from you, for like, 5-7 years, and is now randomly out of nowhere sending you a photo of it.

Would you think that's sweet or creepy?

Depends on the circumstances around the breakup, I suppose. You mentioned it "got ugly" ...in what way? Did he want to break up with you, or was it your decision to break up? How did he feel about the whole thing? He could be trying to let you know that he still cares about you, or perhaps wants you to remember how you felt about him at one point. For example, when my friend cut me out, it was as if she hit a switch and forgot about everything we had been through together. I tried reminding her of of some of those things hoping she'd remember and treat me like a human again ...of course, it didn't work. It wasn't that I wanted to reestablish a relationship with her again, but I did want us to at least be on good terms. Either way, I don't think it's fair for him to have sent that, especially since it's likely to cause upset. I guess it's sweet... but that doesn't necessarily mean you should react to it.

I'd find it weird. As mentioned before, I, too, would probably ask what's up. What I would not do is try to guess what they're thinking - not my business, and wouldn't want to waste energy on that. The only way to know for sure is to ask.

I would ask what this means. It could mean he wants to get back together but it could also mean he simply wants to make sure you are okay.

[CopperStar]

Thanks for all the replies. Helps sometimes to see other examples and consider them. After sleeping on it last night, this morning it doesn't feel like a big deal anymore, I guess now that the surprise factor has worn off. Guess I was just caught off guard and felt freaked out, angry and tempted all at the same time, in the moment. Glad I came here to get opinions instead of responding to the email.

[tufan]

Please remember why you broke it off with them in the first place; remember the 'ugly' that you spoke of. Remember these things when you engage with this individual, please.

[CopperStar]

Originally Posted by tufan

Please remember why you broke it off with them in the first place; remember the 'ugly' that you spoke of. Remember these things when you engage with this individual, please.

Yeah I'm just going to ignore it. I still don't understand what the hell happened with us years ago, but I don't really feel like walking down emotional memory lane with someone who has never tried talking about what even happened.

[hazn]

Originally Posted by CopperStar

Yeah I'm just going to ignore it. I still don't understand what the hell happened with us years ago, but I don't really feel like walking down emotional memory lane with someone who has never tried talking about what even happened.

Definitely sounds like the safest option to me!

[thecrankyone]

I'd ask. Possible he sent it to the wrong email address. I once rec'd a very romantic PM from somebody I knew, slightly as a platonic friend with no romantic interest either way.

Turns out my name was under hers and he clicked by mistake. This was on a different board several years ago.

[hazn]

Originally Posted by thecrankyone

I'd ask. Possible he sent it to the wrong email address. I once rec'd a very romantic PM from somebody I knew, slightly as a platonic friend with no romantic interest either way.

Turns out my name was under hers and he clicked by mistake. This was on a different board several years ago.

This was a picture of something written by CopperStar, so I dooooooubt it

[DBTDiva]

Originally Posted by CopperStar

Hypothetical Scenario:

You had a serious, romantic relationship with someone for a few years, in the end it got ugly and you decided to end it, and the two of you moved on, dating other people, etc and haven't even been friends or talked hardly at all for the 4 years since the breakup.

Then one night you get an email from this ex lover. The email contains no words, just an attached photo. And the photo is of an "I love you" type note that you left for this ex earlier in the relationship.

Which means that this ex has kept this random, little "I love you" note from you, for like, 5-7 years, and is now randomly out of nowhere sending you a photo of it.

Would you think that's sweet or creepy?

Did the email come in the middle of the night? My first instinct would be that he/she was drunk. Not as creepy as the other thread someone posted about the semi-anonymous package. This feels more like regret to me, like an ill advised, possibly drunk "I wish I still had that love" sort of thing.

[CopperStar]

Originally Posted by DBTDiva

Did the email come in the middle of the night? My first instinct would be that he/she was drunk. Not as creepy as the other thread someone posted about the semi-anonymous package. This feels more like regret to me, like an ill advised, possibly drunk "I wish I still had that love" sort of thing.

The email came around 10PM, so yeah I guess it's possible he was drunk. Okay so a little vent.

I have never really understood guy. We met at work when I was younger, and for the first approx 18 months we were together, everything was really awesome. We clicked really well in a lot of ways and I formed a lot of wonderful memories with him during that time. We were like comrades, best friends and lovers all rolled into one. I really loved him really badly and so it was really confusing and terrible when things suddenly took a nosedive halfway through the relationship. He started withdrawing a lot, became randomly mean (like really mean), ran hot and cold, etc. We started fighting more and more and the fights got worse and worse, and most of the time in the end I didn't even understand what we were really fighting about. It was like he kept going back and forth between hating me but also times when things were normal and good again.

I read a lot of material on what it's like to date a narcissist or sociopath, and it was confusing because some of his behaviors really fit what was described, but some stuff didn't fit. Like we were great together for the first 1.5 years. Plus every time I would be like well maybe this isn't working and we should break up, he would get really upset and even cry and act like he didn't understand what was wrong, either. But it just kept getting worse and worse, and then as the grand finale he cheated on me with one of my coworkers. They officially became a couple about a week after we broke up, after a 3 year relationship. So much drama and weirdness.

Now over the past 4 years he has dated several other women. He tries to talk to me once in a great while, we have a little bit of platonic chat and then he falls off the grid again and I shrug it off. I've always assumed it's because he's in between girlfriends or something and maybe looking for a little pick-me-up after a breakup. It's whatevs because I don't hate him and still have an inkling of sentiment, so I don't mind briefly validating for him once in a blue moon that he's not a total piece of trash after he's had a rough spell in his life, like the time he wanted to talk after he got fired from a good job. Etc. But we haven't been actual "friends" this whole time, never hang out, rarely talk, etc.

So it's just kind of surprising and random to me, a little irritating even, that he has apparently been holding onto these little mementos like love notes for over half a decade. And now it's like he wants to make sure I know about it. It's just like omg dude if you really did care for me then you should have acted like it a long-@ss time ago.

[hazn]

Originally Posted by CopperStar

The email came around 10PM, so yeah I guess it's possible he was drunk. Okay so a little vent.

I have never really understood guy. We met at work when I was younger, and for the first approx 18 months we were together, everything was really awesome. We clicked really well in a lot of ways and I formed a lot of wonderful memories with him during that time. We were like comrades, best friends and lovers all rolled into one. I really loved him really badly and so it was really confusing and terrible when things suddenly took a nosedive halfway through the relationship. He started withdrawing a lot, became randomly mean (like really mean), ran hot and cold, etc. We started fighting more and more and the fights got worse and worse, and most of the time in the end I didn't even understand what we were really fighting about. It was like he kept going back and forth between hating me but also times when things were normal and good again.

I read a lot of material on what it's like to date a narcissist or sociopath, and it was confusing because some of his behaviors really fit what was described, but some stuff didn't fit. Like we were great together for the first 1.5 years. Plus every time I would be like well maybe this isn't working and we should break up, he would get really upset and even cry and act like he didn't understand what was wrong, either. But it just kept getting worse and worse, and then as the grand finale he cheated on me with one of my coworkers. They officially became a couple about a week after we broke up, after a 3 year relationship. So much drama and weirdness.

Now over the past 4 years he has dated several other women. He tries to talk to me once in a great while, we have a little bit of platonic chat and then he falls off the grid again and I shrug it off. I've always assumed it's because he's in between girlfriends or something and maybe looking for a little pick-me-up after a breakup. It's whatevs because I don't hate him and still have an inkling of sentiment, so I don't mind briefly validating for him once in a blue moon that he's not a total piece of trash after he's had a rough spell in his life, like the time he wanted to talk after he got fired from a good job. Etc. But we haven't been actual "friends" this whole time, never hang out, rarely talk, etc.

So it's just kind of surprising and random to me, a little irritating even, that he has apparently been holding onto these little mementos like love notes for over half a decade. And now it's like he wants to make sure I know about it. It's just like omg dude if you really did care for me then you should have acted like it a long-@ss time ago.

The fact that he thinks it's OK to reappear out of nowhere when he treated you like that, tells you all you need to know about him I guess. I can totally understand why you would feel angry. It's OK, it'll pass. I think he will get the message from your lack of response. Definitely sounds like you did the right thing based on what you've said.

I would ask what's it about.

[DBTDiva]

Originally Posted by CopperStar

... And now it's like he wants to make sure I know about it. It's just like omg dude if you really did care for me then you should have acted like it a long-@ss time ago.

Totally agree there! Maybe everyone does realize what they lost when they do stupid s*** like cheating and being low, but after this much time just move on. I kinda did that to one of my exes that I sort of cheated on and broke his heart, but at least mine was actual apologies and not vague weirdness.

[CopperStar]

Originally Posted by DBTDiva

Totally agree there! Maybe everyone does realize what they lost when they do stupid s*** like cheating and being low, but after this much time just move on. I kinda did that to one of my exes that I sort of cheated on and broke his heart, but at least mine was actual apologies and not vague weirdness.

Yeah it's really too bad. I think all this time if he had ever just been normal about things and asked me out to coffee or something, I would have said yes. And if he ever apologized I probably would have accepted it. I really did want to keep our friendship for a long time. I make friends rarely, and to make a real close friend and be very close with someone is extremely rare for me. So I was even okay if he was gonna romantically move on to other women, but I did miss having that sort of friend.

But instead it's just like every 3-6 months I get a really random, intense contact from him, like he wants to pretend none of that crazy **** ever happened and like we are just right as rain. One time after we hadn't talked in several months and I lived several states away, I got an email from him saying he would drive across the country to come see me to give me some stuff back that he didn't give me back when we broke up, like camping equipment and art supplies. It's just always like why can't you just be a consistent normal friend. Why does it always have to be intense, random **** spaced out by months of silence. Wth.